5 Reasons Cats Are Inferior to Dogs in Every Way

Pajamas Media ^ | 02/25/2013 | John Hawkins

[SeekAndFind]

Are cats really the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world? No, Honey Boo Boo is the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world, while cats are more like the Lindsay Lohan of the animal world — difficult, unpredictable, hard to like, and probably high on catnip. Oh, cats look cute when they’re in the bobblehead kitten stage or swatting away at yarn, but as you get to know the little beasts, you start to realize that they’re merely trying to lull you into complacency so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale? Well, is it just an old wives’ tale that if a cop beats a hippy with his nightstick then he’ll have good luck for seven years? I think not. On the other hand, dogs are superior to cats in every way and if you don’t agree, well then, good luck with your empty life without a soul.

1) Dogs are much smarter than cats.

Can you teach a cat to sit? To roll over? To come when it’s called? No, because cats are stupid. Granted, dogs are stupid, too, but they’re probably on the same level as your two year old. A cat is closer in intelligence to a geranium — if a geranium had claws and a certain feral cunning it could use to track, torment, and kill smaller plants for its own amusement. Is that what you’d want for a plant you loved? To be at the mercy of a hateful geranium? You cat people are just sick! Sick!

2) Your dog loves you. Your cat couldn’t care less if you were murdered by clowns.

You don’t have to guess whether a dog is happy to see you or not because every time you come home, he dances around the room, jumps in circles, wags his tail, and generally acts like you would if you won the lottery, gained super powers, and cured cancer all at the same time. Meanwhile, cats skulk around the house, hide from you, and like to sit out of reach, preferably somewhere in the kitchen where their fur can fall in your food. Ironically, the general indifference of cats is what makes them charming to some people. “Ooooh, I know I’m just about to win kitty over with this bowl of milk, his favorite toy, and a scratching post and….kitty, no, don’t pee on that, kitty, no! Oooh, I have to try harder to get kitty to like me!”

3) Dogs are better pets.

Dogs have spent thousands of years earning the title “man’s best friend” while cats spent that time perfecting the art of spitting up hairballs. Your dog would rather sleep outside on the ground with you than inside a warm, comfortable house. Your cat is kind of hoping you’ll die so he can eat you. Dogs use the bathroom outside. Cats stink up your house by insisting on using a litter box. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty. Cats are mainly known for murdering small animals and dropping them in front of their owners in an attempt to horrify and intimidate them. The very fact that dogs chase cats is actually proof that they’re concerned about the welfare of human beings and are trying to stop them from getting cat cooties.

4) Dogs are happy and fun while cats are generally annoying.

Sure, cats are cute when they play with toys, but so are dogs. Of course, dogs also don’t generally scatter the contents of their litter box across the floor, scratch you until they draw blood for random reasons, and generally get in the way of whatever you’re doing. On the other hand, you pick up a paper and the cat lies on it. Try to go to sleep and the cat walks on your face. Walk down the stairs and the cat runs between your legs. Dogs want to be your pal, while your cat will only tolerate you because you feed it and because secretly, it wants to work with a coven of other felines to turn you into a crazy cat lady.

5) Cats would murder you if they could.

Dogs are friendly animals that view human beings not so much as their servants or masters, but as part of their pack. They love and accept people as their friends, their equals, and their brothers in the animal kingdom. On the other hand, cat lovers should be honest enough to admit the truth: Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could. Worse yet, it would toy with you, enjoying your suffering and fear — as it bats you around with its claws before it grows tired of your mournful cries and engineers your grisly demise with its razor-sharp teeth. Remember that the next time you are giving your little snoogums a kiss before night night.

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Related at PJ Lifestyle from John Hawkins:

5 Things My Dogs Taught Me About Human Beings

[Trapped Behind Enemy Lines]

I like cats and dogs equally. However, we have cats because no one is home during the day and the cats don’t mind it. They also hunt down rodents and other varmints around our property thus proving their worth.

[KC_Lion]

[BlueLancer]

bump to show to my wife when I get home from work

[dragonblustar]

I’ve heard firemen say when they’ve gone on calls to enter the home of an elderly person who has died, their pet dogs were eating the parts of the body. So nasty......

[nevergore]

Cats as well.....

[Trapped Behind Enemy Lines]

That’s a new one....never heard of domestic cats doing that before. Now feral cats....that’s another matter. They are capable of just about anything. Among the worst pests imaginable.

[SeekAndFind]

In a 1990 study done at the University of California, Davis, researchers found dog saliva killed E. coli and Streptococcus canis, another harmful bacteria. The scientists concluded that when mother dogs licked their nipples it helped keep puppies free from disease, and that dogs licking their own wounds accomplished the same goal.

I found this here:

http://www2.gi.alaska.edu/ScienceForum/ASF12/1234.html

[envisio]

Four dogs in my house. People ask me what kind of dogs I have.

Well...:

One good ole boy
one baby girl
Two retards

All four of them would take a bullet for me. If you ask me about my dogs, be prepared for at least 5 hours of non-stop stories from a man that doesn’t talk alot to begin with. They are so fun and so intertaining. Never a dull moment in my house.

[nevergore]

Try this test.....

Lock your wife in the trunk of a car for two hours....
Lock a cat in the trunk of a car for two hours.....
Lock your dog in the trunk of a car for two hours.....

Then after openning, see which one is glad to see you...

Dogs are man’s best friend....

[Trapped Behind Enemy Lines]

I’ve always allowed friendly dogs to lick my face. Now it’s good to know there is health benefit as well.

[hosepipe]

1) humans bred dogs to be needy..

2) humans bred cats to be much less needy..

Note: God didn’t make domestic dogs and cats.. humans did..

[Spunky]

".....so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale?"

No it is not an old wives tale. When I was twelve, during the night a stray cat came in through an open window. I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose.

[SeekAndFind]

RE: Dogs are man’s best friend....

It’s true, my dog is the first one to greet me when I come home. Wagging her tail and licking me when I enter the door.

[tomkat]

             

[Psalm 73]

"Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could."

Yes - which is the cool, edgy thing about having cats around.
Right there snuggled up next to my face - a killing machine - if it were the size of those Dobermans down the block it would kill me in my sleep.

Cats - not for the faint of heart.

[thackney]

if it were the size of those Dobermans down the block it would kill me in my sleep.

I have a hard time believing a 100 lb cat would wait for you to go to sleep.

[married21]

I like dogs ok, but they have some habits that just get on my nerves.

They try to smell my crotch when I meet them.

They don’t bury their own poo, like cats do. You have to go around after them and pick up their poo for their entire lives.

They jump up on me and try to lick my face. With the same tongue that they ate their own feces with.

They bark and won’t shut up without being yelled at by their owners.

I do appreciate that they are the dear friends of their owners, who will overlook all this in return for the loyalty and friendship. I am just daunted by taking on all of the foregoing, and won’t be surprised if I skip dog ownership for the duration.

[BubbaBasher]

My dogs love me so much they just had to show me what was inside the couch cushions. I’m certain they thought it was something I absolutely wanted to know.

[dfwgator]

Meanwhile, the cat only comes to greet you, when they hear the can opener.