Posted on 05/03/2013 5:53:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Edited on 05/03/2013 8:43:38 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
God and The Devil were sitting on a cloud one sunny day, sharing a bottle of mead and laughing about all the pranks they pulled on each other.
Below them on earth, they saw a man rowing a boat down a river, singing happily:
“Row row row your boat,
gently down the stream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream...”
The Devil said to God, “What would happen if we took away a third of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand, and the man kept singing:
“Row row... your boat,
gently down...e stream,
merrily... merrily,
life is... a dream...”
And they laughed long and loud, then God said, “Well, what if we took away two-thirds of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand once again, and the man kept singing:
“Row... boat,
...stream,
life... dream...”
And they laughed even louder, and got up to leave, but then The Devil said “Wait, I have to know, what if we took away ALL of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand once more, and the man was singing:
“Off we go, into the wild blue yonder...”
Do you know what the difference is between a Muslim suicide bomber and a woman with PMS?
You can at least negotiate with the terrorist.
llevrok seen ducking for cover...
I heard that joke told a little differently up in Canada where God and the devil did that to a Newfoundland fisherman. When all the brain was gone, the Newf sang “Alouette”
That’s not very silly. We’re turning out kids that can’t multiply four by six without a calculator. Seems to me we have enough stupid people out there without actually going out of our way to create more.
Besides importing them from Mexico, that is.
I have a pretty good set of questions I usually ask to let him know I was paying attention and really care about the job. Usually I already know the answer but asking the question is important. In this case I really did have a question about something that had piqued my curiosity.
“That office over there,” I nodded my head to my left, his right, “I haven’t seen anyone go in or out since I’ve been here. What’s it used for?”
“Oh, people don’t go in there. That’s where we keep the zombie coders.”
“Zombie coders?” My poker face was nowhere to be found. “You have zombies in there?”
“Oh, yeah.” He said. “They’re great. Their code is as good as we ever got from people. They don’t mind working long, hard hours, and we don’t have to pay them a thing.”
“But, I thought zombies were dangerous.” I was making sure I knew where the exits were.
“Oh, not if you feed them well,” he assured me. “They really don’t have any interest in coming out of that room. The only reason they would is if they got hungry. We haven’t ever had a problem with that. They don’t even get noisy any more, although in the early days the sounds coming through the door would tell us they were hungry.”
“But, how can you feed them if...”
“Shh,” he interrupted me, “you’re just in time. Just watch.”
At that point a man came into the room and said, “Did someone order pizza?” My host pointed to the door and the pizza man said, “Thanks.” Then he opened the door. Immediately he was snatched and I heard the first part of a scream before the door shut behind him and muffled the sound of rending flesh. Nobody else in the room even looked up.
“Delivery guys are our salvation. There are way too many of them in this city anyway. Nobody cares when one goes missing. And there are plenty of food places around here so we can order delivery for over 3 months before we have to repeat. It’s a really sweet setup.”
I’m not sure what he was reading in my face at this point, but I noticed more movement by that door. A man in a suit and tie knocked on the door and said, “OK, guys, status time.” Then he opened the door and went in. I cringed waiting for the sounds I had heard from the pizza guy, but was surprised when nothing happened. A few minutes later the door opened and the man in the suit came out. “Thanks, guys. See you tomorrow,” he said.
“How did he do that?” I asked, my eyes surely as round as saucers at this point.
“Oh, that was the project manager architect. He was never in any danger. The zombies only eat brains.”
And here I thought there was such thing as a Democrat theme song he would start singing.
“If I only had a brain”?
What’s “silly” is trying to follow the new “math algorithms that they want to teach. Talk about dumbing down...
Let alone 6 by 4!
Cheesh!! Kids these days....
Well, I told this joke to The Bride, and discovered that I have a very comfortable sofa...
It’s a good thing I havenn’t eaten today, yet. Otherwise, I would have spewed all over the laptop. Small doses, Lucky, small doses, please!
;o]
In the version I learned the guy in the boat is a sailor. When all of his brain is removed he starts pulling furiously on the oars and singing at the top of his lungs “BE ... ALL THAT YOU CAN BE ...”
I’ve heard all four service tunes cut and pasted into that one.
Funny thing is, The Bride never heard it. Which accounted for my sofa time that evening...
Yeah, but the punch line would be lost in that joke because they were removing his brains.
It’s good as a stand alone joke, though.
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