Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 05/03/2013 5:53:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teenEdited on 05/03/2013 8:43:38 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
When: Always on May 3rd
World Press Freedom Day recognizes the value of freedom of expression, and the sacrifices journalist have made to attain this freedom. It was created, and is sponsored, by the United Nations. While we enjoy this freedom in the United States, freedom of the press, and freedom of expression, is not a given right in many countries.
Each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom.
World Press Freedom Day activities include UN sponsored conferences and seminars on this issue. Teachers are encouraged to create lesson plans. As individuals, we can learn more about the issues. And, we can support efforts to further freedom of the press.
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lions cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing Ive seen a man do in my whole life.
The Harley rider replies, Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.
The reporter says, Well, Ill make sure this wont go unnoticed. Im a journalist, you know, and tomorrows paper will have this story on the front page So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?
The biker replies, Im a U.S. Marine and a Republican
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
A journalist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the journalist. "How about the good job Obama is doing, even though the Republicans are blocking everything he wants to do and Conservatives keep saying the government is out to get them?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The journalist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss Obama, Republicans, Conservatives or what the government is up to, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'.
George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.
The Washington Post : "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".
The Washington Time : "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".
Mother Jones : "Bush can't swim".
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to report that the Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place
One to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness
And one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people.
A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"
"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.
"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."
No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"
"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
USA Today: WE'RE DEAD.
Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.
National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again.
Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse.
Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour.
Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse.
Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet!
TV Guide: Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?
Microsoft Systems Journal: Internet Explorer Loses Market Share.
Microsoft's Web Site: If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE.
FaceBook: Unable to post. Try again in 15 minutes.
Holy cr@p!!! top 10!!!
Woohoo top 10!
WOOOOO HOOOOO TGIF!!!
Good morning! Top 15!
Pray for America to Wake Up
How can you report on Obama when you don’t know s@!#? LOL
An elderly woman visits her doctor and complains of her symptoms saying, “Doctor you’ve got to help me. I have a most embarrassing problem with persistent ‘silent gas’. It happens all the time. Whether I’m at home, in a restaurant, or out shopping with the ladies. I’ve tried everything and just can’t stop it. In fact I’ve even just done it here three times. Do you think you can help me?”
The doctor nods assuringly and responds, “I think I can definitely help you with that. But first, let’s check your hearing.”
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half-
burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a “Remember 9-11”
sloganspray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, “Praise Allah” and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man...that could have been me !”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
After closing time at the bar, an Irish drunk was proudly showing off his
apartment to a couple of his friends.
He led the way to his bedroom wherethere was a big brass gong and a mallet.
‘What’s with that big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.
‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.
‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.
‘YUP, it is’ replied the drunk.
‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.
‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
‘You ***! It’s THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!’
I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that
read: “I miss Chicago.”
So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, “I hope this helps!”
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