Skip to comments.HA-HA-HA-HA! You might be a Liberal
Posted on 05/04/2013 6:41:00 AM PDT by SandRat
I think this describes libs PERFECTLY. With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:
YOU might be a Liberal:
If you think that excessive taxes should be paid by everyone, except you, you might be a liberal.
If you think that government knows how to spend your money better than you, you might be a liberal.
If you think that the ACLU is good for this country and that the Tea Party is bad, you might be a liberal.
If you think that class warfare for political purposes, is good for this country, you might be a liberal.
If you disagree with the notion that as government gets bigger the people become smaller, you might be a liberal.
If you dont mind that the US is becoming a mediocre and socialistic country, you might be a liberal.
If you think that being nice to our countrys enemies will make them love us, you might be a liberal.
If you think that opinionated and mouthy Hollywood types are smart and love this country, you might be a liberal.
If you think that its good for government to take from the productive and give to the lazy, you might be a liberal.
If you agree that a lifetime of bad choices makes one eligible for government money, you might be a liberal.
If you think that that a more successful person than you owes you something, you might be a liberal.
Told ya so.
Going on my FB wall.
If football is too dangerous for your son, but combat is great for your daughter....
If the doctors on your speed dial are named Kevorkian and Gosnell.....
If you ever watch CNN anywhere but in an airport
If you have ever used food stamps to buy a tattoo
If you had an Obama sticker on your car in November of 08 and a pink slip on your desk in December of 08 and have no idea why
What you MUST believe to be a good Democrat ..
This list is by no means complete, but it is a good start to explain what some people have to believe in order to support a particular political party. Most especially, it is what you have to believe to vote for that party, in any office
1. You might be a Democrat...
2. If you believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding
3. If you believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same 4th graders about sex
4. If you believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists
5. If you believe that there was no art before federal funding
6. If you believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented, changes in the earth’s climate, and more affected by Yuppies driving SUVs
7. If you believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural
8. If you are against capital punishment but support abortion on demand...
9. If you believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity
10. If you believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but Loony activists who’ve never been outside of Seattle do
11. If you believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it
12. If you believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars
13. If you believe that the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution
14. If you believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high
15. If you believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison
16. If you believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t, because the right people haven’t been in charge
17. If you believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady
18. If you believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried, is because the right people haven’t been in charge
19. If you believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House
20. If you believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal
21. If you believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States
22. IF You believe that anyone wanting to keep the products of their labor is selfish, though, it is not selfish to take other people’s money away from them to pay for the programs that you want to fund.
23. IF You believe that the constitution is a living document that casts both an umbra and a penumbra.
24. IF You believe that you can make our co country stronger by breaking up its most successful corporations.
25. IF You believe that the death penalty is wrong but think that killing unborn children is merely a “choice”.
26. IF You are sure the reason why socialism did not work in the Soviet Union was because they did not start out with enough wealth. Further, you believe that the US has enough wealth to support socialism.
27. IF You believe that discouraging wealth building and job creation through the means of a graduated income tax is “progressive”.
28. IF At every opportunity you want to give men fish instead of teaching them to fish for themselves.
29. IF You believe that the phrase “it couldn’t happen here” is enough to insure tyranny does not take root in the United States.
30. IF You believe that the bad consequences of peoples’ life decisions should be born by all of society, especially the rich.
31. IF You believed Hillary about the “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” ... and that it made Bill commit adultery in the Oval Office and use foreign objects to have sex with “that woman”.
32. IF You believe that punishing criminals of color for their violent crimes is racist.
33. IF You somehow believe that the major media in this country does not have a liberal bent.
34. IF You have to believe at least 35% of what comes out of Al Gore’s mouth.
35. IF You believe that government’s duty to provide the national defense, one of its few constitutionally charged duties, is lower in priority than all of the un-constitutional wealth-transfer systems you can devise.
36. IF You must practice disinformation and hate under the name of progress. You strive to be an emotional being, devoid of logic and reason. You must not understand the true meaning of compassion.
37. IF You must believe that a lone speckled owl is worth more than 10,000 American’s livelihood.
38. IF You must accept dead citizens voting in an election, so long as they do not cross party lines.
39. IF You believe that it is morally acceptable to disarm your neighbors, leaving them at the mercy of criminals, even though you will still rely on men with guns to protect you.
40. IF You not-so-secretly wish that people never become successful, insuring that their continued dependence on the welfare state keeps them voting the Democrat party line.
41. IF You believe that the bill of rights should act to limit the powers of government, except that the 2nd, 9th and 10th amendments have absolutely no meaning nor any power. Further, you ignore any part of the constitution that will slow down your form of creeping socialism.
42. IF That to give people a tax cut is to “spend” their money. About 111 times in the course of the three presidential debates, Gore said that “Under Gov. Bush’s tax cut proposal, he would spend more money on tax cuts for the wealthiest 1 percent than all of the new spending that he proposes for education, health care, prescription drugs and national defense all combined.”
43. IF People who believe that all of their money belongs to the government, except that portion that the governing class decides to “spend” on tax cuts, should vote for Gore. So, too, should those who believe that if the government undertakes huge new spending programs, taxes will not increase.
44. IF That you can trust a man who swears his abiding passion is to “fight” for the little guy even though, in 1997, out of an income of $197,729, Gore donated only $353 to charity, and who, in 2000, had to be publicly shamed before having the toilet and sink in his tenant’s house repaired.
45. IF YOU BELIEVE That there is any such thing as a “lock box” in American political life — presupposing that one administration and/or one congress can bind another.
46. If you believe That pharmaceutical companies must be strong-armed to forego profits in the name of lower prices for seniors, and that you can rely on the good faith of a man who casually asserts that “the big drug companies” are now “spending more money on advertising and promotion than they are on research and development.” Actually, a Kaiser Family Foundation study released in July reveals that the drug companies spent between $5.8 and $8.3 billion for advertising in 1998, versus $21 billion for research and development.
47. If you believe That what this world needs, in the words of Al Gore’s environmental manifesto “Earth in the Balance,” is “to establish a coordinated global program to accomplish the strategic goal of completely eliminating the internal combustion engine over, say, a 25 year period.”
48. If you believe That it is possible to commit American troops to every trouble spot around the world while simultaneously starving the military for funds.
49. If you believe That the creation of new federal programs to provide universal preschool, expand Medicare, provide prescription drugs to all of America’s elderly (Bush proposes to cover only the poor), provide universal health coverage for children, fund Technology for Tomorrow Challenge and scores of other proposed initiatives will neither increase the size of the federal government nor eat up the surplus.
50. If you believe That a man who routinely breaks even the rules of a debate format should be trusted when he assures us that throughout the campaign of 1996, he engaged in no illegal fund raising.
51. If you believe That President Clinton’s policies, standing alone, have led to “instead of the biggest deficits in history, we now have the biggest surpluses. ... Instead of quadrupling our national debt, we’ve seen the creation of 19 million new jobs. Instead of a deep recession and high unemployment, America now has our strongest economy in the history of the United States.”
52. If you believe Until a Republican Congress arm-wrestled him into accepting a balanced budget, President Clinton’s policies would have created deficits into the indefinite future. As to the recession of 1990/1991, it was quite mild (not, as Gore always says, “the double dip recession,” whatever that is, and the “worst recession since the Great Depression”). The recovery had begun before Clinton/Gore took office in January 1992.
53. If you believe That, once elected, N.E.A. Al would actually implement his proposal for testing new teachers.
54. If you believe That affirmative action does not mean quotas, merely attempts to provide opportunity where it has been lacking.
55. If you believe That Al and Tipper Gore have been consistent critics of Hollywood and the rock music industry, as the vice president boasted during the third debate. In fact, Gore dragged his wife to Hollywood in 1988 — the year he invented the Willie Horton issue, no he really did — and forced her to grovel before record company executives promising to cease her campaign for music ratings. He was running for president and wanted the industry’s financial support.
56. If you believe That Bill Clinton was “one of our greatest presidents.”
If you believe You’re not sophisticated enough to realize that “liberty” and “socialism” are mutually exclusive concepts.
58.IF You believe that Europe (even with its faulty currency, high unemployment, and economic stifling tax rates) is an example if the successful socialism, but ignore China, India, and the former USSR which account for almost 1/2 of the earth’s population.
59. If You support “choice”, as long as it has nothing to do with where your kids go to school, owning a firearm, deciding where your retirement money goes, or what doctor you go to see.
60. If You believe that every vote counts, except those from Republican dominated counties and from the military.
61. If You believe that children are expensive, but no matter how many children poor people choose to produce the poor are always victims of society and not their own bad choices.
62. If You believe in the communist theory of “redistribution of wealth”, but only if the government redistributes it.
63. If You don’t give much to charity, after all, why should you have to give up necessities like cable TV, cell phones, electronic gadgets, eating out, and air conditioning when there are people who have even more than you do?
64. If You believe the Bill of Rights actually has an amendment declaring the “right to privacy”.
65. If You believe that Social Security is not a risky pyramid scheme.
66.IF You believe oppression comes from business and prosperity comes from government.
67. If You believe that John Ashcroft is a horrible choice for a federal position because he is a religious man, but Joe LIEberman was a great choice for a federal position because he is a religious man.
68. If You don’t understand the basics of “supply and demand”.
69. If You believe that conservatives are racist, but quotas, social promotion, lower expectations, and set asides aren’t.
70. If Your arguments for supporting abortion are religious in nature because you know you’d be blown away if you made it a scientific argument.
71. If You believe “workfare” is the same as slavery.
72. Ifyou believe Self-esteem is more important than actually doing anything to earn it.
73. If You believe that Christians have no business being included in the umbrella of diversity.
74. Ifyou believe that Even though most Americans choose to eat a poor diet and choose not to exercise, you feel it is still the taxpayer’s responsibility to pay for their medical care.
75. If You believe Big Business is evil because it fills a demand the public is screaming for.
76. If You believe that the Bill Of Rights says “There is a separation of church and state” but not the actual line: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREOF”.
77. If You believe that Santa decorations should be banned from public schools at Christmas due to religious issues, but don’t believe witch decorations should be banned from public schools at Halloween even though Wicca is a federally recognized religion.
78. Ifyou believe There was no art before federal funding.
79.IF You believe that drilling a piece of the enormous Alaskan preserve will be horrible for the environment, but hauling energy inefficient oil tankers from the Middle East (halfway across the planet) won’t have any negative impacts on the environment.
80. If You believe that in a free society doctors should be servants of the state.
81. If You believe that anyone who agrees with you is open minded and believe that anyone who disagrees with you is closed minded.
82. If You believe that the only reason communism hasn’t worked is because the right people haven’t been in charge yet.
83. If You feel that anyone who beats you in an intellectual argument is a bigot.
84. At the most basic level, the liberal is an adolescent forever in search of a world without moral consequence.
85. Ifyou believe Freedom from moral consequence can only be secured by a collectivist, totalitarian state.
86. Ifyou believe The liberal religion reveres the twin gods of genitals and government, and is overseen by a priesthood of psychologists.
87. Ifyou believe “Freedom” to the liberal is strictly freedom of the genitals.
88. Ifyou believe All non-sexual individual freedoms are despised by the liberal because they demand moral responsibility.
89. Ifyou believe The fundamental power struggle of the liberal is individual v. collective. The individual must be relieved of all power in favor of the collective.
90. Ifyou believe Individualism demands moral responsibility. Collectivism hopes to eliminate the need for moral responsibility.
91. Ifyou believe he U.S. Constitution - specifically the individualistic Bill of Rights - is the enemy of the liberal.
92. Ifyou believe The liberal despises the United States because it is the premier guarantor and promoter of individualism in the world.
93. Ifyou believe All institutions and concerns - schools, environment, courts, etc. - serve no relevant purpose other than the promotion of collectivism.
94. Ifyou believe Abortion is necessary to guarantee genital freedom and eliminate moral consequence.
95. Ifyou believe The basis of psychology is the elimination of moral responsibility.
96. Ifyou believe The liberal must create an atmosphere of crisis and fear to justify collectivist oppression.
97. Ifyou believe Any religious person who believes or promotes moral consequence is the enemy of the liberal and must be oppressed.
98. Ifyou believe Despite decades of spectacular failure, the liberal clings to the collectivist dream because it is far more than a theory of government. It is a religion.
99. Ifyou believe The liberal seeks to dominate any institution which can weaken or destroy individual parental rights - public schools, child abuse agencies, pediatric associations, etc..
100. Ifyou believe The liberal applauds the imprisoning of home schooling parents who dare to raise their children outside the control of collectivist public schools.
101. Ifyou believe Private ownership of guns is the single greatest symbol of individual power, and therefore despised.
102. Ifyou believe All individual freedoms demand the responsible behaviour of the individual, and therefore demand a moral code. Liberals despise freedom because they despise morality.
103. Ifyou believe The liberal loves Bill Clinton because of who he is, not in spite of who he is.
104. Ifyou believe The liberal despises national sovereignty which protects individual freedoms.
105. Ifyou believe The liberal promotes international governments (UN, EU, etc.) which seek to destroy individualism protected by sovereign states.
106. Ifyou believe The liberal fears any hint of individualism in any part of the world, and is obsessed with the centralized control of all human activity and thought.
107. Ifyou believe “Multi-culturalism” is the code world for a single, oppressive, collectivist culture.
108. Ifyou believe Liberals speak often of tolerance, but only tolerate liberals.
109. Ifyou believe The liberal seeks to criminalize any speech which promotes morality or individualism as “hate speech”.
110. Environmentalists lie as a matter of course.
111. The liberal’s only method of debate is to insult and discredit anyone who dares to disagree.
112. When possible, liberals opress anyone who questions their beliefs.
113. Liberals despise all innocence - especially the innocence of a child.
114. Liberals seek the sexualization of children and the normalization of pedophilia, all in the pursuit of genital freedom.
115. In the liberal mind, your freedom is their oppression.
116. Private property and individual wealth is integral to individualism, and the enemy of the liberal.
117. The liberal hates you.
118. The liberal seeks to replace a moral world view with an emotional world
119. The liberal typically chooses a career which produces nothing of value - lawyer, bureaucrat, “activist”, etc. - and uses government to extract the wealth of others.
120. Liberal programs enrich liberals and do little to help the poor.
121. The liberal despises masculinity as a symbol of individual power.
122. Feminists groups are about lesbianism and socialism, not equal rights for women.
123. Liberals are perfectly willing to destroy you financially, remove your children, and imprison you for what you believe.
124. Liberals fear technology and change - because neither can be centrally controlled.
125. Liberals are not obsessed with sex, but with promiscuity. Promiscuity is the dominate theme of the liberal media culture.
126. Liberals despise the suburbs as a manifestation of individual prosperity, private property ownership, and the family.
127. Liberals despise marriage and family because they are institutions which frown on promiscuity.
128. Liberals despise the automobile as a symbol of individual freedom and power.
129. Liberals seek to control public schools, and force all children into them, in order to foster promiscuity and collectivist ideology in children.
130. Other diseases kill millions more, but liberals are obsessed with Aids because it is a moral consequence of promiscuity.
131. Liberals are more committed than conservatives because their politics is also their religion.
132. Liberal activities are all about ego - to demonstrate “I care more than you do” without really helping anyone.
133. Whenever a liberal expresses concern “for the children”, they are using and targeting children to expand promiscuity, collectivism, and their own pocketbooks and egos.
134. Because collectivist politics is their only morality, liberals have no problem with deceit, oppression, or violence in their pursuit of collectivism.
135. Liberals are elitists who exempt themselves from the oppressive rules they impose on the general population.
136. Liberals howl if a transvestite or convicted felon is even slightly offended, but openly bash Christians.
137. Liberals dream of a return to a centralized, 1940’s urban environment. We all ride the bus from a small, dirty, big city apartment to an 8-5 union job.
138. Liberals believe that wealth is static - anyone who makes money must be stealing it from someone else.
139. Liberals claim to be against violence, but makes excuses for liberals like Castro who torture political dissidents.
140. Liberals have enormous compassion for criminal predators, but little for the victims.
141. Animal Rights activists despise humanity.
142. Liberals believe that passing religious values to children is a form of child abuse.
143. Liberals use moralistic tones and catch-phrases like “social justice”, but their only moral is the accumulation of power
144. Liberals ideologies tend inevitably towards world-wide totalitarianism.
145. Liberals are never satisfied with the power they have gained over the lives of individuals - they must control every thought and detail of human activity.
146. In the liberal world, all problems stem from individualism, and all solutions are collective.
147. Liberals are humourless bores.
148. If You believe that militia groups are more of a threat to your safety than inner-city gangs.
149. If You believe that if all guns were banned, crime would disappear.
150. If You believe that criminals will flock to gun buy back programs to turn in their guns.
151. If You believe that if the government funded one less military helicopter that thousands of starving childrenwould be fed.
152. If You believe that the government should have more control over the lives of people.
153. If You believe that Pat Schroeder, Diane Feinstein, Charles Schumer, Howard Metzenbaum, Arlen Spector etc.etc. are actually working for your best interests.
154. If You see nothing wrong with tens of thousands of communist bloc tanks and special purpose military vehiclesbeing stationed in our country. (If you even know they are there)
155. If You believe that Socialism/Communism can work and has just gotten some bad publicity, or hasn’t beenproperly implemented, or hasn’t been given a real chance, or ...
156. If You believe that the Bible is racist, sexist and homophobic.
157. If You believe that “it takes a village to raise a child”.
158. If You believe that the members of Randy Weaver’s family were dangerous criminals with an arsenal.
159. If You believe that the mainstream media is too conservative.
160. If You believe that most of our health care problems would be solved if the government would increase taxesand take over the health care industry.
161. If You would vote for Hillary Clinton.
162. If You believe that all hell would break loose if it were not for U.N. “Peacekeepers”.
163. If You don’t think it’s “fair” for some people to have bigger houses than others.
164. If You believe that law enforcement should be federalized, and should forcibly enter homes and confiscate guns.
165. If You believe that Christianity is harmful, but you’re completely open-minded to allowing your children to beexposed to Buddhism, Taoism, witchcraft, etc..
166. If You believe that the government has been honest with us concerning POW’s and MIA’s.
167. If You believe that the government has been honest with us concerning Gulf War Illness. \
168. If You believe that the President and his wife are telling the truth about Whitewater, Travelgate, Vincent Foster’sfiles, the FBI files, etc. etc.
169. If You want to outlaw tobacco, but legalize marijuana.
170. If You believe that adult white males are racist, sexist and homophobic.
171. If You believe that it is impossible for a black person to be a racist.
172. If You believe that it is impossible for a woman to be a sexist.
173. If You believe that television talk shows make meaningful and important contributions to society.
174. If You believe that everything will work out if we just think positively.
175. If You believe that it’s the government who grants us our rights.
176. If You believe that a public school “education” is superior to that of one who was home schooled.
177. If You believe the Multi-Jurisdictional Task Force had to incinerate the children at the Branch Davidian Church”in order to save them”.
178. If You believe you can survive an encounter in your home with an armed attacker by dialing 911.
179. If You believe that handing out condoms to school children will decrease pregnancies.
180. If You believe that a Federal Reserve Note is lawful “money”.
181. If You believe all that you see on the television news.
182. If You believe that Americans have always paid income taxes, and you see nothing wrong with the graduatedincome tax being one of the ten steps to destroy a free country, as outlined in the Communist Manifesto.
183. If You believe that there is too much freedom and that we should surrender some of our rights so that thegovernment can make it more “safe” for us.
184. If You don’t view people as individuals, but rather as members of a group.
185. If You equate patriotism with terrorism.
186. If You Believe that the First Amendment guarantees freedom from religion.
187. If You believe that minorities can’t succeed on their own, and must have “help”.
188. If You believe that Jane Fonda has contributed more towards world peace than Pee-Wee Herman.
189. If You believe that 2+2=4, or 5, or 7, as long as the childs feelings are not hurt.
190. If You believe that the United States policy to have no Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Defense whatsoeverhelps to keep your children safe.
191. If You find it acceptable for an avowed communist and former head of the Soviet Union to be in charge of supervising the disarming of America’s defensive capabilities.
192. If You believe That the failure of any government program is proof it needs funding;
193. IfYou believe That Bill Gates symbolizes what is wrong with America;
194. If You believe That the Communist Chinese expected nothing in return for their contributions to the 1996 Clinton-Gore campaign;
195. If You believe That the Ten Commandments are judgmental and, consequently, Dangerous for our children to learn in school;
196. If You believe That, in the spirit of inclusion, our armed forces should welcome Gay soldiers into their shower stalls;
197. If You believe That the problem of gun violence will be solved as soon as law-abiding citizens are forced to disarm;
198. If You believe That I prove my compassion and generosity when I support tax Increases on anyone who is richer than I;
199. If You believe That Republicans are evil, except Republican union members whose Wagesare confiscated for the purpose of funding democratic campaigns;
200. If You believe That Bill Clinton was correct when he vetoed welfare reform, correct When he vetoed it again and correct when he proudly signed it into law;
201. If You believe That Bob Jones is a religious bigot with dangerous ideas when his Faith dictates white Christians should marry only white Christians but that Joe Lieberman is a good man with deeply held religious principles when His faith dictates orthodox Jews should marry only orthodox Jews;
202. If You believe That a thousand FBI files on prominent Republicans arrived at the White House as a result of an innocent bureaucratic snafu under the watch Of a former bar bouncer who became head of White House security and no one knows who hired him;
203. If You believe That Joe Camel brainwashed kids into smoking cigarettes but that Hollywood’s sex and violence do not influence them;
204. If You believe That we support more gun laws and fewer convictions;
205. If You believe That media reports on the homeless are newsworthy unless a Democrat Is in the White House;
206. If You believe That the timing of the American bombing of a Sudanese pharmaceutical Plant on the day of Monica Lewinsky’s testimony was purely coincidental;
207. If You believe That everyone deserves equal rights, except white males;
208. If You believe That we should march in favor of partial birth abortions and against The execution of child murderers;
209. If You believe That we support the Constitution’s unwritten right to privacy but Not its written right to bear arms;
210. If You believe That taxpayer dollars should never fund religious art except for art That denigrates Christianity;
211. If You believe That only a risky Republican scheme would propose changes for high Schools that graduate students who can’t read their diplomas;
212. If You believe That Al Gore invented the Internet and Hillary Clinton is a Brilliant cattle futures speculator;
213. If You believe That every government program is essential and under funded;
214. If You believe That minorities deserve high positions in government except when They are conservative;
215. If You believe That Bill Clinton has never forced himself upon a woman unless there Is DNA evidence to prove it;
216. If You believe That we don’t need to worry about records being set for the trade deficit, personal bankruptcies and minorities in prison until a Republican is in the White House;
217. If You believe That, for every Clinton scandal, Republicans were guilty of “rushing To judgment” prior to proving wrongdoing and guilty of “dredging up old news” after proof was established;
218. If You believe That thou shall not judge, unless it is for the purpose of exposing conservative white males as angry, gun-toting rednecks and conservative blacks as back-stabbing charlatans;
219. If You believe That the administration created our nation’s economic prosperity Even if we can’t name the Clinton-Gore proposals that caused it;
220. If You believe That big companies, which succeed in a free market by routinely Offering the best product or service at the lowest price, shouldn’t be trusted, and that big government, which can confiscate and redistribute its citizen’s wealth and imprison them if they don’t cooperate, should be trusted implicitly;
221. If You believe That Al Gore discovered Love Canal and was the hero of “Love Story”;
222. If You believe That we have no reason to suspect espionage occurred when hard Drives containing our most valuable nuclear secrets were missing from the Los Alamos laboratory;
223. If You believe That we should be outraged by the partial birth abortion of any Animal except a human;
224. If You believe That the failure of 22,000 gun laws to prevent gun violence is proof That more gun laws are needed;
225. If You believe That Clarence Thomas is unfit for office but Bill Clinton is not;
226. If You believe That if our children aren’t taught sex in school, they’ll never find Out about it;
227. If You believe That anyone who supports school vouchers, the strategic defense initiative, parental notification for abortion and privatization of social security is a right-wing kook, unless his name is Joe Lieberman;
228. If You believe That George W. Bush’s degrees from Harvard and Yale do not change The fact that he is an idiot, but Al Gore’s failing out of Vanderbilt is no reflection on his mentality;
229. If You believe That the only reason Socialism has never succeeded is because the Wrong people have been in charge;
230. If You believe And so, let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend And foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of donkeys
You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying. You hate Hillary jokes.
You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice. You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but “Platoon,” “Dances with Wolves” and “Thelma and Louise” are realistic.
You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made “Pocahontas.”
You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.
You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).
You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment. You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.
You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing but are outraged by suggestions that Ted Kaczynski (the suspected Unabomber) and Al Gore have anything in common.
Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.
You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.
You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.
You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.
You think marriage is obsolete - except for homosexuals.
You believe homosexuality is genetically determined, but fascism and spouse abuse aren’t.
You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.
You considers the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.
You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant “fundamentalists” are guardians of democracy.
You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.
You think the black middle class is a myth created by Newt Gingrich.
You don’t understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else’s employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.
You marched against American involvement in Vietnam, thought the Gulf war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 U.S. troops in Bosnia are vital to our national interests.
You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe Richard Nixon is responsible for everything horrible that’s happened in the past quarter-century.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by California deputies —after leading them on a high-speed chase are the victims of the decade.
Liberals can be neatly pigeon-holed into the following four categories:
The Congenitally Stupid
The congenitally stupid segment of society are naturally drawn to liberalism. Liberalism is a philosophy that does not require, and in fact discourages, reasoned thought. Those who are incapable of reaching logical conclusions or find the simple relationship between cause and effect beyond their grasp are natural constituents of liberalism. Successful recruiting of the congenitally stupid by the liberals is often accomplished by uttering nothing more than a couple of inane platitudes.
The uninformed are for the most part the mentally lazy and the unconcerned. These are also natural recruits to liberalism as they can be so easily lead. They are the perfect sheep who the liberals only need to appeal to on an emotional level. The uninformed can easily be drawn to a philosophy that discourages the effort of logical thought.
The largest group of liberals is the misinformed. They are for the most part motivated and intelligent enough to be aware of their surroundings and to have a rudimentary grasp of the some of the issues confronting society. Unfortunately they completely lack the intellectual integrity to logically investigate their own belief system. They are the preferred ovine breed of leaders like Hitler and Stalin.
The Truly Evil
The truly evil segment of liberals are those who completely understand the destructiveness of liberalism but continue to further its agenda. There is no fate too vile for this segment of society. Spending the rest of their lives in one of their philosophys most ringing successes, N. Korea for example, would be just reward for those liberals who truly know what they do.
Jessie Jackson has added former Chicago democratic congressman Mel Reynolds
to the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition’s payroll.Reynolds was among the 176
criminals excused in President Clinton’s last-minute forgiveness spree.
Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and- a-half-year federal sentence
for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud & lies to the Federal Election
Commission. He is more notorious; however, for concurrently serving five
years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer.
This is a first in American politics: An ex-congressman who had sex with a
subordinate won clemency from a president who had sex with a subordinate,
then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate.
His new job?Youth counselor.
Is this a great country or what?
THREE KINDS OF LIBERALS DEFINED
There are, of course, three major types of liberals, the loser/dependants, the touchy/feelies, and the scammers.
The loser/dependants are the objects of the liberal’s agenda, and strangely, it is their own total lack of an agenda that makes them what they are. These are people that can not or will not compete in the capitalistic society. Unlike the other two groups, who are liberal by genetic makeup, these unfortunates are simply the result of brainwashing by the other two liberal groups. For the most part, they have simply been led to believe that they cannot make it on their own, and that they must be cared for, ie, be dependant upon others in order to survive. Almost all of them are capable of living on their own, but their co-dependant touchy/feely benefactors and the greedy scammers work hard to keep that from happening, by keeping the handicap system in place.
This system supports the touchy/feely group’s need to feel good about taking care of somebody, and the scammers who make an economic profit by leading the agenda. The irony of this situation is that after so many years of being victims of racial prejudice, many of these folks now after pretty much having that yoke removed, are victims of the welfare system. I have to wonder if the civil rights movement had proceeded as it did, without the welfare program, which has discouraged independence, would we now have any of the problems we face in the inner cities? Can anyone imagine what kind of country we would have if we had done away with racial prejudice without having done away with the fierce independent nature that had characterized this nation’s poor people up until the last 30 or 40 years?
The most active group are the touchy/feelies, sometimes called bleeding hearts. I like to call them herd people, because of their aversion to independence and fear of people who are independent. Many loser/dependant types share some of the same tendencies with touchy/feelies. The touchy/feelys are the ones who wear those silly little curly ribbons proclaiming that they love everyone and care for everyone. These are primarily right brained people who neither know nor care about logic, and are more concerned about what feels good than about reality. Some manage to get educations and hold down fairly good jobs, but those that do are often ashamed of their success. Many of the liberals posting here on usenet are touchy/feelies, although the line between touchy/feelies and loser/dependants is very fine, and most touchy/feelies ride that line lacking the logical common sense to be really successful, except in those areas that require a genetic talent rather than a learned skill, hence, the abundance of touchy/feely liberals in the entertainment industry.Since touchy/feelies, in addition to needing to take care of people, are deathly afraid of competition, (probably with good cause) many have opted for the education system, where most of the competition has been eliminated, either as teachers or as perpetual students.
The scammers are not really liberals at all, but big time crooked capitalists in liberals clothing. They are the rich liberal politicians and other liberal leaders who have and continue to do very well in the conservative capitalistic economy by pretending to be liberal and leading the liberal agenda. It is ironic that leading the liberal agenda is so lucrative, and even more ironic that the other two groups cannot see these pseudo liberals for what they are, but these other types, being co dependant, are extremely adept at seeing only what they choose to see, and often view the scammers as heroes, even though they are filthy rich and liberals hate the filthy rich. The scammer people are the true predators of the liberal world, making an extremely good living off the misfortune of the loser/dependants, and making sure that these folks don’t become independent.
There is an additional small group of liberals I call the “old hippies.” These people don’t quite fit the “touchy/feely” group because of their status as total losers, but they also don’t fit the loser/dependant group because of their agenda, which is generally something between socialism and communism. Of course, this group includes all the socialists and communists as well, which in this country, at least are nothing more than “old hippies”. The group is too small to be mentioned were it not for the fact that there are several notorious “old hippies” who post on these newsgroups. I gave some thought to mentioning some names as examples of each group, but after reading this post, I decided against it if for no other reason, it simply isn’t necessary. We all know who I’ve been talking about. To respond in a logical manner to your illogical posting is not logical, but it is great fun to add to your obvious confusion. -John Parker
1. If a Navy Seal slaps a High Value Target, he should be prosecuted.
2. If a Navy Seal kills a High Value Target, he should be decorated.
3. Seal Team Six under Cheney were a ring of assassins.
4. Seal Team Six under Obama are a band of brothers.
5. Osama bin Laden was not a Muslim, because he murdered Muslims.
6. Osama bin Laden was a Muslim deserving a proper Muslim burial.
7. It is heroic to kill a terrorist.
8. It is immoral to water-board a terrorist.
9. Placing a Koran in a toilet is a Hate Crime.
10. Placing a crucifix in a jar of urine is conceptual art.
11. Freedom of Speech is our most cherished value, never to be restrained.
12. Hate Speech is our greatest crime, always to be punished or apologized for.
I have now passed Modern Ethics: 911, as taught by Professor Obama
If babies do not have a right to live... but you do.
If people do not have a right to protect themselves, but you do.
I take a bit of an issue with number 2. If you think the government can spend money better than anyone but you, you might be a liberal.
All factual , but where’s the humor?
I agree, these are not that funny. Some 600 of them here: www.youmightbealiberalbook.com
You can buy anything at Amazon.com, except for an Amazon.
If you think the same people who can’t accurately forecast this morning’s weather should be trusted to predict next century’s climate...
Gee. How much coffee did YOU have this morning? B Z B !
2. Those demanding gun bans are demanding victims be disarmed so bad guys don't have to work so hard to kill them.
3. Those demanding gun bans do so claiming there is so much violence warranting it somehow, yet, anyone wanting a gun to defend themselves from such violence is just being "paranoid".
4. Liberals have the mind of a 7 year old: They yell, "Daddy, Daddy! Fix it!", and believe gun bans will solve violence, not understanding guns are not the only tools of violence and gun don't kill people, people kill people.
5. Liberals believe anyone with a gun is a violent murderer waiting to happen, so I guess just because a liberal woman is equipped to be a prostitute means she is one.
6. To liberals, police officers, who qualify with their duty weapons once or twice a year, have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.
7. To liberals, police operate with backup which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do "civilians", who must face criminals alone and, therefore, need less ammunition
8. To liberals, citizens don't need to carry a gun for personal protection, but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators that work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.
9. To liberals, "assault weapons" have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people, which is why the police need them to kill large numbers of people for some reason.
10. To liberals, private citizens don't need a gun for self-protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.
11. To liberals, private citizens don't need a gun for self-protection because the police are the professional gun slingers even if they take longer to arrive than the bad guy needs to kill their victims.
12. To liberals, trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you dont see police officers with one on their duty weapon.
13. Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns and those cities have the highest murder and violence rates. Again, We the People are only being paranoid if we want a gun to defend ourselves from that violence.
14. Washington DCs low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control. Wait, huh?
15. To a liberal, the more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.
16. Liberals claim other devices like oven spray or bear spray will better deter a criminal because an intruder can be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.
17. To a liberal, a woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.
18. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.
19. To a liberal, these phrases,
"right of the people peaceably to assemble,"
"right of the people to be secure in their homes,"
"enumeration's herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people,"
"The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people,"
all refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" refers only to the State.
20. To a liberal, guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly but so simple to use that they make murder easy.
21. To a liberal, ordinary people in the presence of a gun turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed, so we should ban guns.
22. To a liberal, guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows and police stations.
23. To a liberal, a majority of the population supports gun control so we should do it, just like a majority of the population once supported owning slaves.
24. To a liberal, most people can't be trusted with a gun so we should have laws banning guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.
25. To a liberal, the 2nd Amendment was written during a time when muskets were the norm, but they do not agree that the 1st amendment should only pertain to yelling in the town square and printing using quill pens and manual printing presses.
26. To a liberal, we should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns because it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.
27. To a liberal, having a gun in case if violence is stupid and paranoid, yet, a person is more likely to encounter violence against them than a fire but fire extinguishers are everywhere.
Liberals know so much dont they. They are just so right about everything, so lets show a few of their perfectly stupid statements of the past.
"It is already too late to avoid mass starvation." Dennis Hayes, chief organizer--Earth Day 1, 1970
"At least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years." Paul Ehrlich, Earth Day 1, 1970
"By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine." Prof. Peter Gunter, North Texas State University, 1970
"In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution... by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half..." `Life' Magazine, January 1970
"Air pollution... is certainly going to take hundreds of thousands of lives in the next few years alone." Paul Ehrlich, Earth Day 1, 1970
"By the year 2000... there won't be any more crude oil." Ecologist Kenneth Watt
"In 25 years, somewhere between 75 and 80 percent of all the species of living animals will be extinct." Dr. S. Dillon Ripley, secretary, Smithsonian Institute, Earth Day 1, 1970
"The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years... the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age." Kenneth Watt
"In the 1970s and 1980s, hundreds of millions of people will starve to death in spite of any crash program embarked upon now." Paul Ehrlich, "The Population Bomb" (1968)
bump for reference.
you have to believe that a single currupt , unaccountable,government worker can run the millions of business transactions of the free market better than the free market can
I hope you cut and pasted that.
If you believe infants can be killed at the mother’s whim, but convicted murderers must be protected, understood and allowed to live. Esp. if they’re black.
To be a democrat you have to believe
that you can’t blame all Muslims for the actions of a few Muslims but you can blame all gun owners for the actions of a few gun owners
Damon Race! Epic and awesome.
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