Click on them
Posted on 07/12/2013 11:42:18 PM PDT by wac3rd
I have been married for 35 years, but I know so many people whose marriages didn't make it. More than one has confided they wish they'd stuck it out. Often when we are in a very familiar relationship, the grass looks greener anywhere else. But people don't think about the downside. You could leave this marriage, find someone else, and in five years be in the same predicament. Whoever else you find will come with their own baggage. And you will have likely lost influence in your kids' lives, certainly lost money and property, and you and your wife will still resent each other. Try to understand where that resentment comes from. Do you blame each other for your lives not being perfect? You probably are not the source of her unhappiness and vice versa. Write her a letter if it's hard to talk. Go to a marriage-encounter type weekend. Work it out if you possibly can. There is no greater joy than watching the children you have made together grow and and have kids of their own. Best of luck to you.
And what does one do when the nest is empty?
Seriously
And she is a stranger?
Without kids I’d say decide whther you prefer broke for a while and happy or money and unhappy...but with kids you got a whole new ballgame.
It sucks when everyone around you just takes it for granted that you will shoulder he load and they deserve to have what you provide....but it usually happens when we allow it to happen.
Expect more and get more...expect less and get less.
If I were you I would point out what You do and demand more from everyone around you (noting the kids are young).
Having been through a California divorce myself, I can just about assure you, that you could be totally screwed. Get a good men’s rights lawyer. They might be able to help you keep some of your assets, so you can support your kids. It might cost you some cash, but it might cost you a whole lot more if you don’t.
You can never go back to yesterday.
Even after you’ve divorced, you will still be a ‘paycheck’...even more so.
Search your heart and think wise, weigh it good before you jump.
What would she think if she read this thread?
Talk to her, I think that would be my next move...
And maybe rent The War of the Roses...lol
Four thoughts:
1. Unless there’s been some egregious violation of the vows on either side, don’t divorce.
2. If you have to ask total strangers for advice about keeping your vows, don’t divorce.
3. Marriage is the vows you took. The vows are the marriage. Your feelings and her feelings are the petty concerns of mere children by comparison. Pay these selfish feelings no mind. Just realize you have to grow up.
4. You also have children now. For their sake, honor your vows to each other, or they will be damaged irreparably.
Wise Words.
My wife and I were having a bit of a spat several years ago. Not too bad, but the kids could tell. My one daughter asked “are you guys getting a divorce?” (Sad - but so many of their friends have divorced parents).
We explained no, we are not getting a divorce, we’re just mad, and we’ll iron things out. My wife said “When we got married and said “’till death do we part” we both meant it. And I said “Divorce is not an option.”
My other daughter, after thinking about it for a minute, asked; “Is that an option you sign before; or can you sign it after you get married?”
OK, you haven’t listed what your wife is complaining about, it also sounds as though you may be trying to get her to fill up a void within you that she is not able to do. Hard to tell on the info you have given but that last one did come through.
Going to church is a great idea as long as it’s a good one, not a weird one. Take yourself only though (unless she volunteers), because church shopping together when you are already fighting is likely to be nothing so much as a lovely excuse to fight even more. Ditto working out, ditto date night.
Keep your resolutions to yourself at this stage, don’t try to draw her in but by all means include her if she asks. You are probably feeling burned out, frazzled, and disconnected so take baby steps and don’t beat yourself up if the changes you want do not happen overnight. Maybe start by finding a nice church, a supportive community, and participate in the various activities with other members. I’m betting your wife will be in this way drawn back to you and will stop running away. In any event I wouldn’t be taking hasty legal action unless there are affairs, in which case you will need to guard your health (both physical and mental) to ensure your own well being and that of dependent family members.
The complaining that she is doing might be serving the purpose of communicating information that you really should listen to but it may be the case that she is very frustrated and will as a result tear onto you like a harpy every chance she gets, which is to say that she may not be at her most diplomatic or best. Personally I resorted to chemical warfare consisting of beans, cabbage, and curry, but that level of animosity was due to many lies, affairs, and more lies. Affairs are toxic so don’t stick around, but you can work through the other stuff 99% of the time. Best of luck to you and your family.
I have it on good authority (from a co-worker that tried it) that flowers/candy/gifts can backfire because your wife may wonder what you are up to and think that you must be feeling guilty about something.
Baring that the husband is a jackass or whups her
Good women know their man needs loving
And they make themselves readily available even into empty nest years and try to watch weight and keep looking relatively hot
And any man worth a damn makes sure they are glad they did all that
Baring extreme age or illness
Marriage with no sexual relations.......ain’t much
Its like being buddies.....I guess
But you guys have little kids and sound under 40
All things being equal you oughta be banging every other nite.....
Damn shame with two kids....divorce is irreversible heartbreak for them
You must have had heat 3 years ago....with your baby as evidence
Any suspicions about her?
To be honest.....looking back
Kids are everything to me...and I think divorce is ruinous for them
Wife cuts me off......no good reason....I would get a lover or girlfriend
Carefully....be discreet.....don’t shame wifey openly.....and ride it out to raise kids unless you are to throwing dishes phase of marital unhappiness
A lonely professional married gal makes best affair partner
She will appreciate the attention and warmth but with skin in the game less likely to rat you out or go Fatal Attraction on you
Single mistress is riskier.....much more so....you tire of her she will love telling wifey over coffee
Its not easy but beats divorce on many levels with kids involved.....little ones like yours
This is not new.....when I grew up most successful men had spares....now its costlier
I wish it weren’t so for you hoss
I have been with wifet two for 20 years now....been perfect pretty much from blind date on....
Women are such a need for old school men like me
I do not have your issue but I know men who do and what I described is what they do.....discreetly
Wife has lost interest in sex and they don’t want to harm everyones life for freedom.....think jackass Gore
One bank CEO I know whose wife lost interest ariund 45 has had a married lady friend for 20 years....she’s 50 now
Her doctor husband lost interet in her but she sure didn’t want divorce either
It ain’t perfect but beats celibate marriage....
If you guys have issues you might work on that first....
Man....folks just get weird.....I am truly sorry
Good luck...
Stay strong.....don’t admit crap from guilt....this ain’t about you
He is sick of stepping away.
Once I was talking to a friend about my sister’s divorce, and she told me that all the people she knew who were married to spouse number 2 might have stayed married to number 1, if they had just worked as hard during marriage number 1.
The attitude that this marriage will stay together come hell or high water is an essential attitude in my book.LOL.
“I have it on good authority (from a co-worker that tried it) that flowers/candy/gifts can backfire because your wife may wonder what you are up to and think that you must be feeling guilty about something.”
Well, that may be just the kick in the pants she needs, lol. If she feels threatened, she may shape up. Nothing like thinking there is competition out there.
“He is sick of stepping away.”
Then he should step forward. Be proactive.
Are you on any kind of exercise program? I’ve been married for over 40 years, but it hasn’t been easy. About 15 years ago I started running and find it has a calming effect on me. It’s good to get out of the house, have a good run and clear your mind.
Here’s a program to get started: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/
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