Posted on 02/21/2014 4:48:45 AM PST by Lucky9teen
(Chuckle)
That is really good!
The teacher was teaching the uses of gardening implements to her class. “Susie, what is this?” “That’s a spade, teacher” came the answer. “What is this, Freddie?” “It’s a plow, teacher.” “Johnny, what is this?” “I don’t know, teacher; what is it?” Johnny replied.
“Johnny”, she said, “this is a hoe. Johnny, why are you shaking your head no?”
“That’s no hoe, teacher. My siter’s a ho and she don’t look nothin’ like dat!”
A man received the following text message from his neighbor:
I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn auto-correct. I meant “wifi”, not “wife”.
Got my Obama Care Packet today.....
I wanted to let you know that earlier today I received my “Obamacare enrollment packet” from the White House.
It contained:
· An aspirin and a band-aid.
· An ‘Obama Hope & Change’ bumper sticker
· A ‘Bush’s Fault’ yard sign
· A ‘Blame Republicans first, then anybody and everybody’ poster
· A ‘Tax the Rich’ banner
· An application for unemployment and a free cellphone
· An application for food stamps
· A prayer rug
· A letter assigning my debt to my grandchildren
And lastly, a coupon for a machine that blows smoke up my butt.
Everything was made in “China” and all directions were in Spanish.
Keep an eye out. Yours should be arriving soon.
High five....
Years ago, early 70’s, I introduced a coworker to the “Lord Of The Ringsâ€. He got so wrapped up in the story 40 years later he is still known as Frodo. Took to many shots to the head in Golden Gloves.
OMG. I think the moral of that bunch of clips is that it pays to be aware of your surroundings. Also, that your life is really not in your own hands.
I own page two.....
9a. Enter the fitting room, and after a few minutes yell "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!"
(Can't remember gross source.)
Is that there the “totes ma’ goats’ thingie in action?
From my email friend;)
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch” he said. “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.”
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money..
“You’re finished already??” the startled husband asked.
“Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
“Thank you,” the blonde said, “And, by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”
Subject: Med School Exam
When my buddy took the “short” entrance exam for medical school, he was perplexed by this question
1.”Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body
That is most useful when erect.
Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.
The rest are in Congress.
LOL.
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