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!! Silly Saturday !!
Original, if STRANGE, Content | April 19, 2014 | By Laz A. Mataz

Posted on 04/19/2014 8:20:04 AM PDT by Lazamataz



TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS:
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As possible, I am going to try to initiate a !! Silly Saturday !! thread to keep our morale up.

Enjoy.

1 posted on 04/19/2014 8:20:04 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

So, if I’m Luke Skywalker, and Darth Vader tells me he is my father, I’m not all “NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo”.

I’m more like, “Awesome! I need the keys to the Death Star tonight, dad. I’m trying to score with Princess Leah.”


2 posted on 04/19/2014 8:21:10 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz
The Official Lazamataz Sometimes-Funny, Sometimes-Disturbing Ping List

239 Satisfied Customers!™


3 posted on 04/19/2014 8:22:32 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

I lost 30% upper-frequency hearing in one ear. I went to the ENT doctor, and they did an audio test on me today, confirming what I already knew.

But, after an exhaustive battery of tests, they have isolated the cause:

I have a song stuck in my head.


4 posted on 04/19/2014 8:23:00 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz; Lucky9teen

Watch out Lucky. Mr. Mataz is poaching on your turf!


5 posted on 04/19/2014 8:23:23 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lazamataz

Mean flowers suck. I was bullied by an orchid. He brandished his pistil at me.


6 posted on 04/19/2014 8:23:41 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz
An alpaca? A friggin Alpaca?

Well, I guess the there is the best kind.

7 posted on 04/19/2014 8:23:45 AM PDT by going hot (Happiness is a momma deuce)
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To: Lazamataz

Get Drunk With Dignity
by Tim Cavanaugh

When you’ve had too much to drink
There’s certain things to keep in mind
Like if you find your hands
and underarms are bleeding
Your beer bottle might not have a twist-off cap
And don’t ever go home with
a woman they call ‘Moose’ or ‘Vince’
And never bet that you can fit
your head inside a glove compartment

Get drunk with dignity
Keep in mind that just because a bulldog licks your face
it’s not necessary to lick him back
Stay away from drinks with names like
“Brain Seizure” or “Hippo Laxative”
Get drunk with dignity

If a bar has human ears nailed to the walls,
don’t pass out there
And if your homemade jello has some goldfish in it,
you used the wrong bowl
And there are phrases you must learn to avoid
Phrases like, “That badge looks stupid”
and “I can prove these shoes are fireproof”

Get drunk with dignity
Try not to drool on bikers
Don’t moon a nun unless you’ve got a real good reason
Don’t get romantically involved with farm machinery
Get drunk with dignity


8 posted on 04/19/2014 8:24:09 AM PDT by tumblindice (Are all Democrats inveterate, habitual liars?)
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To: Lazamataz

I have a great lyric for a song.

“If a comet would only strike your face, America would be saved”

Not sure how to work that into a song.


9 posted on 04/19/2014 8:24:18 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’d have been an excellent lawyer. Watch, as I say “we can agree to disagree”, in over 300 words of legal jumbo.

Whereas the party of the first part, hereinafter referred to as the party of the second part, and whereas the party of second part, hereinafter referred to as the party of the first part, have ended the abeyance of the forbearance of the agreement and amendments therein, such that the prima facie amendments are jointly and severally applied to the party of the first and second part in accordance with the original undischarged agreement, respectively agreed upon in the absence of all other agreements, covenants, contracts, whether in writing or verbal, have agreed that the aforesaid party of the first part has entered into an amended and codified novation, inter alia, with the party of the second part that the amendments to the agreement hereinafter and aforementioned will be discharged in the absence of any further compromise or agreement that has been certified by the Clerk of Court in the party’s mutual counties of residence, notwithstanding any other matter or agreement, in interpreting the amended estoppel agreement between the party of the first part and the party of the second part.


10 posted on 04/19/2014 8:25:39 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

WATTA GUY!

Silly is as silly does. I have not done silly in toooo long. Here’s my first shot:
Didn’t go fishing today because the worms are still hibernating. Don’t know what fish are eating but it can’t be big fat squirmy worms.
I love fishing. Here’s hoping the worms turn back to the surface soon.


11 posted on 04/19/2014 8:25:56 AM PDT by Louis Foxwell (This is a wake up call. Join the Sultan Knish ping list.)
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To: going hot
Like you wouldn't.


12 posted on 04/19/2014 8:26:49 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

Somebody who was criticizing a post told me I only have half a brian.

I wonder how he knew???? Has he informed the police????


13 posted on 04/19/2014 8:27:46 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz
Mean flowers suck. I was bullied by an orchid.

He brandished his pistil at me.

14 posted on 04/19/2014 8:27:54 AM PDT by humblegunner
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To: Lazamataz
OK. That one is kinda cute.

(Wife sitting next to me agrees)

15 posted on 04/19/2014 8:28:41 AM PDT by going hot (Happiness is a momma deuce)
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To: Lazamataz

Why can’t WOMEN learn to put the toilet seat UP??? I hate splashing urine on the seat when I pee late at night!


16 posted on 04/19/2014 8:28:56 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

Excerpt from “Dreams of My Father”

“While coming home from school one day in Kenya a friend and I came across a sheep with it’s head stuck in a fence. My friend quickly dropped his pants and took the sheep from behind. When he finished I asked him if I could be next. He said yes, so I quickly dropped my pants and stuck my head in the fence.”


17 posted on 04/19/2014 8:29:21 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

1/2 of the people do not understand math, but the other 2/3’s are pretty good with it.


18 posted on 04/19/2014 8:29:55 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

My girlfriend says she’s sterile.

That’s inconceivable.


19 posted on 04/19/2014 8:30:52 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

If you died tomorrow, the one thing I would remember about you, is that you were alive yesterday.


20 posted on 04/19/2014 8:31:31 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. I finally learned to let go, in Basic Training.

We were in the Hand Grenade training pit.


21 posted on 04/19/2014 8:31:54 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: All
These are (mostly) my own creations of humor, but poached from my Facebook account.
22 posted on 04/19/2014 8:32:41 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: All

Well, so far, !! Silly Saturday !! went over like a lead balloon. :^o


23 posted on 04/19/2014 8:48:36 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

I live on an alpaca farm.

You have a good eye.


24 posted on 04/19/2014 8:51:14 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: Lazamataz

I LOVE it, Lazamataz! You make me laugh all the time. :)


25 posted on 04/19/2014 8:51:42 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: momtothree

Hopefully I can remember to do a Silly Saturday thread every saturday, I have a vast collection of jokes I authored on Facebook.


26 posted on 04/19/2014 8:53:31 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: mrs. a

For an ungulate, Alpacas are hawt.


27 posted on 04/19/2014 8:55:04 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

Best modified ruminants on the planet!


28 posted on 04/19/2014 8:57:12 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: Lazamataz
Somebody who was criticizing a post told me I only have half a brian.

So would that be a Bri or an Ian?

29 posted on 04/19/2014 9:04:23 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many democrats does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: Lazamataz

30 posted on 04/19/2014 9:07:10 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: Lazamataz

31 posted on 04/19/2014 9:08:41 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: RandallFlagg

Far Cry 3. Still have to meet up with Hoyt to play poker with him. :)


32 posted on 04/19/2014 9:10:39 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’m intrigued.


33 posted on 04/19/2014 9:12:00 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lazamataz

I just killed Hoyt, and just got to the airstrip to save Riley.

Of course, this is my tenth time playing FC3. Loving every minute!

(Except when those freakin’ tigers eat me!!!)


34 posted on 04/19/2014 9:14:35 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: Lazamataz
"Did you think that girl was pretty?
How did that girl even get in here?
Did you see her?
She's so short, and that dress is so tacky
Who wears Cheetah?

"Let me take a selfie."

Selfie

35 posted on 04/19/2014 9:29:41 AM PDT by Enterprise ("Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." Voltaire)
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To: Lazamataz
You're in Walmart and you spot a hottie. People of WAlmart photo: The People Of Walmart image016-2.jpg But it looks like she's a Nazi. Do you hit it? If so, how?
36 posted on 04/19/2014 9:36:16 AM PDT by tumblindice (Are all Democrats inveterate, habitual liars?)
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To: RandallFlagg

Looks good. I just ordered it on Amazon.


37 posted on 04/19/2014 9:36:30 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: tumblindice

Show her your “papers”.


38 posted on 04/19/2014 9:37:25 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lazamataz

Yeah, I always lead with a cannibal themed poster if I am looking to engage in light hearted discussion...


39 posted on 04/19/2014 9:38:53 AM PDT by Delta Dawn (Fluent in two languages: English and cursive.)
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To: tumblindice

Something like this is what I’m thinking, just to see if she’s armed:
“Fraulein, we must keep foremost in mind our duty to the Party!”


40 posted on 04/19/2014 9:40:43 AM PDT by tumblindice (Are all Democrats inveterate, habitual liars?)
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To: Lazamataz; All

I will never view these stores in quite the same way ever again, ever.

41 posted on 04/19/2014 9:43:27 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Delta Dawn

One of the things I really miss about my wife is the smell of her cooking.

I have to admit though, she did taste rather nice along with the roast veg.


42 posted on 04/19/2014 9:44:33 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

It is all in the garnish...


43 posted on 04/19/2014 9:45:35 AM PDT by Delta Dawn (Fluent in two languages: English and cursive.)
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To: Lazamataz

Conspicuously absent is the Dedication to Hitting It.

44 posted on 04/19/2014 9:46:48 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lazamataz

I stumbled across where you swiped that graphic from the other day. I found the location unsurprising.


45 posted on 04/19/2014 9:49:07 AM PDT by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Lazamataz; mikrofon; Charles Henrickson

46 posted on 04/19/2014 9:50:30 AM PDT by martin_fierro (dla wszystkich)
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To: martin_fierro
BRILLIANT

I love the store, too

But I also own parking:


47 posted on 04/19/2014 10:00:22 AM PDT by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’m glad you poached them. I could barely read the caption on that pic on FB.


48 posted on 04/19/2014 10:01:02 AM PDT by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Lazamataz

Aren’t you supposed to ping the list, the second name of which am I?


49 posted on 04/19/2014 2:37:33 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Lazamataz
I have a guaranteed cure for anyone having a song stuck in their heads. Simply listen to a refrain of Dancing Queen by ABBA, and I guarantee that you will have forgotten all about whatever song it was that you had before.

(Disclaimer: Dancing Queen cure does not work on ABBA songs)

50 posted on 04/19/2014 2:41:26 PM PDT by Hoodat (Democrats - Opposing Equal Protection since 1828)
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