Discovery of Santa Maria shipwreck marks setback for CNN black hole theory

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Although the discovery of the sunken remains of the Santa Maria near the coast of Haiti is being hailed as one of the most important seafaring finds in archaeological history, even prompting rhapsodic reckonings pronouncing it the “Mt. Everest of shipwrecks,” not everyone is welcoming the news with euphoria.

In the subdued headquarters of media juggernaut and tireless oceanic sleuth CNN, staffers greeted the news with quiet disbelief, trying to come to grips with the most serious challenge yet to the network’s black hole theory on maritime disappearances.

CNN revealed its groundbreaking theory early on in its tireless coverage of the mysterious disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight 370, suggesting it as a possible cause within the first 500 hours of the network’s nonstop coverage of the unsolved tragedy.

CNN’s black hole theory holds that the Boeing 777 jet that had been operating as Malaysian flight 370 was consumed by a small black hole. While micro black holes have been posited by theoreticians, all evidence indicates any that formed would immediately collapse before having the opportunity to wreak havoc or even be noticed.

Notwithstanding objective reality, CNN soon expanded its black hole theory to encompass other unsolved maritime disasters, including the Christmas Day loss of Christopher Columbus’ carrack the Santa Maria. Although historical records indicate Columbus immediately salvaged some of the wood from the wreck and used it to build a fort near what is today Limonade, Haiti, the whereabouts of what remained of the wreck were unknown for five centuries – until yesterday’s announcement by archaeologists who had been searching the waters off of Haiti for the wreckage.

“That uncertainty – I mean the fact that with all of the stuff we have today like radar, sonar, even smart phones – the fact that with all of that marshaled at our disposal and we couldn’t find a 62-foot ship in a sea of only a million or so square miles was more than enough evidence to indicate, at the time, a supernatural force – probably a black hole – was at play, “said CNN anchor Don Lemon, who is the brainchild behind the black hole theory of maritime vanishings.

“Plus, who’s to say the remains of the ship didn’t fall into the black hole sometime after Columbus salvaged wood from it and that it then came out through another black hole to be discovered today? I know it’s preposterous — but is it preposterous?”

With that, Lemon retreated to a secure area within CNN headquarters where, he said, staffers would be “doubling down” on the black hole theory for flight 370.

“Hey – it’s getting us ratings,” he offered. “You want to see a real black hole? Look at Piers Morgan’s audience.”

“In the subdued headquarters of media juggernaut and tireless oceanic sleuth CNN, staffers greeted the news with quiet disbelief, trying to come to grips with the most serious challenge yet to the network’s black hole theory on maritime disappearances.”

You cant throw out the plausibility of a wormhole that moved
the wreck forward to this point in time. You think they will
try to go with that? It’s about as plausible as a black hole
but wouldn’t be sucking all the matter around it in.

it is reported that the santa maria turned sharply to the left before disappearing from sight from the nina and the pinta.

Black holes are the spontaneous combustion of the 21st century.

I used to have an old cartoon from about 145 years ago. It showed Colombia, and Britannia as female figures on the shore weeping for lost ships that left port and were never heard from again.
On the rocks were engraved the names of many ships.