Skip to comments.Everything You Need to Know About Being a Husband From Reading 50 Shades of Grey
Posted on 07/26/2014 2:18:56 PM PDT by Citizen Zed
So I read Fifty Shades of Grey. This is the book written by female British author E. L. James that became a huge bestseller, devoured by pretty much every woman on Earth except my wife (or so she claims).
I think I might be the only man who read this book. I did it sneakily, hiding the cover, especially when I was on an airplane, which actually is a good place to read this book because you have access to a barf bag. I say this because of the writing style, which is . . . OK, heres one tiny sample of the writing style:
Did you give him our address?
No, but stalking is one of his specialties, I muse matter-of-factly.
Kates brow knits further.
Thats right: This is the kind of a book where, instead of saying things, characters muse them, and they are somehow able to muse them matter-of-factly. And these matter-of-fact musings cause other characters browswhich of course were already knittedto knit still further.
(Excerpt) Read more at time.com ...
No real man would read this book.
As with everything in our culture, being creative garbage only means a more ready and welcoming audience.
Now I confess to liking porn as much as the next guy. But I couldn’t even make it all the way through this article. I can’t imagine getting through 500 pages of the book.
The basic premise of “50 Shades” is found in this old joke:
Man: Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?
Woman: Yes, I would.
Man: Would you sleep with me for five dollars?
Woman: NO. What kind of a woman do you think I am?
Man: We already established that. Now we’re just haggling over price.
Who cares? I say, let the women have their silly book. So long as I don’t have to read it or be dragged to the inevitable movie starring Shirley McLaine or Meg Ryan or Susan Sarandon...
So men like porn delivered via pictures and women like porn delivered via words - which just confirms that men and women are two different species united by a single rib.
I read it. But only because a former girlfriend said I remind her of Christian Grey (the irresistible part not the sadistic part). I disagree. The book is trash.
Dave Barry is a certified genius!!! I have never read anything of his that did not cause me laugh until tears. Another superb column!!
As for the book, i wouldn’t read it to my dog.
Civilization, that’s the key. In a civilized society, male human beings are expected to suppress their normal animal instincts regarding sexual behavior with female human beings. This suppression is contrary to normal male animal behavior. Rabbits, dogs, cats, etc. operate sexually in a non-civilized manner. Cavemen acted on basic male animal instinct. Then, over time, they became civilized. While some civilized men have been able to overcome societal sexual restrictions (Hugh Hefner comes to mind), most civilized men just direct their energies toward non-sexual activities and remain frustrated and horny. In regard to understanding female human beings, women: I have no clue.
Interesting take. You might be on to something here.
Women enjoy fantasizing about enjoying sex. Given the opportunity to actually have sex, women prefer instead to fantasize about it. If a man has issues with being aroused, he is certain their is something wrong with him. If a woman has issues with being aroused, she is also certain their is something wrong with him.
According to some high school kids, it’s really poorly written porn.
“I know that sounds like crazy talk, but I have firsthand confirmation of this phenomenon from my friend Ron, who is married to my wifes cousin Sonia, a woman.”
I guess that line is in there so we’re clear that it doesn’t work with the other kind of “wife”.
With wisdom like that, there's no need to bother reading a book on the subject ;-)
I would rather burn it than read it
Hugh Hefner is not civilized
I read one paragraph of it, because it was posted on a forum I was on, and... it’s just... it’s not good writing! Hey, I have nothing against erotica. But you can find better stuff over on AO3. (Trust me, I know.)
Public Schools hand out better erotica to the kids these days I have heard.
I can assure you, from personal experience, that does not apply to all women.
I agree and I stand corrected.
Please. I don’t read schlock.
Elmore Leonard would have puked over that.
IIRC, from the reviews early in its phenomenal success, it was described as "Mommy Porn".
Neither would any real woman.
In a supermarket one day, I noticed an attractive man and an attractive woman at the newsstand, facing away from each other. He was looking at Playboy pictures, she was reading a romance novel. They both had that “lonely single” look. Neither was interested in the really attractive person next to them.
Fantasy trumped reality for the man, who wanted to SEE sex, and for the woman, who wanted to HEAR/READ about it.
I have read quotes from post-menopausal women that when they and their married partner reach a certain age, they, the women, hoped to be done with that “foolishness” i.e. sex. I guarantee all the women on this forum that although their motors might slow down a tad, most men do not consider sex “foolishness” when they’re past fifty. I do not condone cheating on your mate for whatever reason, but I’ll just let women know that the majority of men never quite lose their interest in sex.
Cracks me up every time.
Unnngh, that awful first-person, present-tense composition. I can’t stand to read anything in present-tense.
Third-person is not much better: “James walks into the house and asks, ‘What’s for supper?’ His mother replies, ‘Food.’ ‘What kind of food?’ James persists. ‘Food you’ll eat or go hungry,’ his mother states firmly.’ “
And second-person narration, in which the writer purports to describe the thoughts and feelings of either the subject or the reader, is the absolute WORST!
I think for many “post menopausal women” it’s a HORMONE thing...hormones go away....do does desire, and some physical, ahem, needs to make the “foolishness” comfortable....but...it can be corrected...it’s just that I think a lot of women don’t care for many reasons...
I understand that. I’m just saying women should understand that just because they lose interest doesn’t mean their partners also lose interest.
My inner god just told me I’d get a bigger kick out of reading the phone book than this thing.
Presuming that they were both single, and available, here is the big difference.
Had the man turned to the woman and asked her if she would like him to make love with her, she would have rejected him out of hand.
Had the woman turned to the man and asked the same question, they would have been making love within 30 minutes.
Every rule has the exception that proves it.
Its safe to say that 50% of the married women between the ages of 18 and 60 could have sex with their partners any time they want to. That never applies to men.
IMO women create fantasy worlds where they would be a sexual goddess, "if only...", and that becomes the major impediment to actually having sex.
don’t feel bad. not even women understand women.
You might like the comic strip "Schlock Mercenary". I think it's quite good. *grin*
You might be right in general, but some women are *very* visual.
Sorry to say, but you have obviously been grievously shortchanged by the women in your life if you really believe that women prefer fantasizing about sex to having sex.
Probably. But if either had come up for air from their designated fantasy, noticed the attractive person next to them and asked her/him out for coffee and a get-acquainted chat, a relationship might have developed.
The dreaded R word? Why bother when fantasy is so available. Sad.
Me and every man that I’ve ever known. Beyond that though, you’re probably right.