Skip to comments.Everything You Need to Know About Being a Husband From Reading 50 Shades of Grey
Posted on 07/26/2014 2:18:56 PM PDT by Citizen Zed
So I read Fifty Shades of Grey. This is the book written by female British author E. L. James that became a huge bestseller, devoured by pretty much every woman on Earth except my wife (or so she claims).
I think I might be the only man who read this book. I did it sneakily, hiding the cover, especially when I was on an airplane, which actually is a good place to read this book because you have access to a barf bag. I say this because of the writing style, which is . . . OK, heres one tiny sample of the writing style:
Did you give him our address?
No, but stalking is one of his specialties, I muse matter-of-factly.
Kates brow knits further.
Thats right: This is the kind of a book where, instead of saying things, characters muse them, and they are somehow able to muse them matter-of-factly. And these matter-of-fact musings cause other characters browswhich of course were already knittedto knit still further.
(Excerpt) Read more at time.com ...
No real man would read this book.
As with everything in our culture, being creative garbage only means a more ready and welcoming audience.
Now I confess to liking porn as much as the next guy. But I couldn’t even make it all the way through this article. I can’t imagine getting through 500 pages of the book.
The basic premise of “50 Shades” is found in this old joke:
Man: Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?
Woman: Yes, I would.
Man: Would you sleep with me for five dollars?
Woman: NO. What kind of a woman do you think I am?
Man: We already established that. Now we’re just haggling over price.
Who cares? I say, let the women have their silly book. So long as I don’t have to read it or be dragged to the inevitable movie starring Shirley McLaine or Meg Ryan or Susan Sarandon...
So men like porn delivered via pictures and women like porn delivered via words - which just confirms that men and women are two different species united by a single rib.
I read it. But only because a former girlfriend said I remind her of Christian Grey (the irresistible part not the sadistic part). I disagree. The book is trash.
Dave Barry is a certified genius!!! I have never read anything of his that did not cause me laugh until tears. Another superb column!!
As for the book, i wouldn’t read it to my dog.
Civilization, that’s the key. In a civilized society, male human beings are expected to suppress their normal animal instincts regarding sexual behavior with female human beings. This suppression is contrary to normal male animal behavior. Rabbits, dogs, cats, etc. operate sexually in a non-civilized manner. Cavemen acted on basic male animal instinct. Then, over time, they became civilized. While some civilized men have been able to overcome societal sexual restrictions (Hugh Hefner comes to mind), most civilized men just direct their energies toward non-sexual activities and remain frustrated and horny. In regard to understanding female human beings, women: I have no clue.
Interesting take. You might be on to something here.
Women enjoy fantasizing about enjoying sex. Given the opportunity to actually have sex, women prefer instead to fantasize about it. If a man has issues with being aroused, he is certain their is something wrong with him. If a woman has issues with being aroused, she is also certain their is something wrong with him.
According to some high school kids, it’s really poorly written porn.
“I know that sounds like crazy talk, but I have firsthand confirmation of this phenomenon from my friend Ron, who is married to my wifes cousin Sonia, a woman.”
I guess that line is in there so we’re clear that it doesn’t work with the other kind of “wife”.
With wisdom like that, there's no need to bother reading a book on the subject ;-)
I would rather burn it than read it
Hugh Hefner is not civilized