The College Football Czar: Week 7

Week six in review: Another strange week has resulted in the first four coaching casualties of the season. The first of these was Maryland’s Randy Edsall, whose imminent dismissal had already been known, although the College Football Czar admits to being surprised that he’s the first coach from a recent Big Ten expansion team to get the boot. He must have beaten out Rutgers’ Kyle Flood by at least a few weeks. In four-plus seasons with the Terrapins, Edsall was 22-33, after going 74-70 in 12 years at Uconn. The Terps’ interim coach is Mike Locksley, who does have experience, but at what? As head coach at New Mexico from 2009-11, Locksley compiled a record of 2-26. During his rookie season, he got in trouble for assaulting an assistant coach. Would it really have been so terrible to leave Edsall in charge through the end of the season?

Dan McCarney’s 22-32 record at North Texas might not seem so bad, but just two years after that program had re-emerged with a 9-4 season, they have suffered one of the most ignominious defeats in the history of the game. This year’s 0-5 start culminated with a 66-7 loss to Portland State, by far the worst loss ever by a Division I-A team to a Division I-AA opponent. When the Mean Green hired McCarney, he had a career record of 56-85 – which, considering that he’d been at Iowa State all that time, was actually pretty good. Offensive coordinator Mike Canales takes over at UNT for the rest of 2015.

USC has fired Steve Sarkisian, a day after placing him on an indefinite leave of absence, reportedly for showing up at games and practices intoxicated. Sark had previously been reprimanded by athletic director Pat Haden for drunken, inappropriate behavior at a gathering of boosters. Southern Cal’s season now rests on the shoulders of Clay Helton, who becomes interim coach for the second time, having previously guided the Trojans to a 45-20 rout of Fresno State in the 2013 Las Vegas Bowl.

Most puzzling is Steve Spurrier’s retirement from South Carolina, effective immediately. The Czar had suspected that the end was near for the Old Ball Coach, but if he’s truly leaving on his own terms, then barring extenuating circumstances, he ought to be able to serve out his final season. Don’t believe the popular media speculation that he’s trying to avoid the first losing season since his rookie campaign at Duke, though. Whatever else anyone might think of Spurrier, he’s certainly not stupid. He’s quitting the 2015 season with a record of 2-4. Is that not a losing season? And isn’t his only hope of averting a losing season to continue coaching? Well, then.

As tough a week as it was for these four coaches, it was no picnic for the Czar, either, as he continued his most prolonged slump since … well … last season. Only a late defensive stand by Utah kept his record over .500 for the week, at 10-9. For the season, his record stands at 70-47, for a .598 winning percentage.

The Czar should’ve guessed that freshman Bearcat quarterback Hayden Moore would fill in admirably for injured starter Gunner Kiel. He may not have a cool name like Gunner, but a certain amount of college football aptitude is a prerequisite for having the name Hayden put on your birth certificate. Kiel is ready to return this week, but considering the quality of Moore’s play, expect to see both of them get significant playing time.

BYU is all too familiar with injuries at the QB position itself. Once again, the Cougars have observed the annual tradition of Taysom Hill’s season-ending injury, but now that it had become part of the routine, they were prepared with a talented freshman themselves, in Tanner Mangum. Following a brutal 31-0 loss at Michigan, Mangum has thrown for over 300 yards in consecutive wins over Uconn and East Carolina.

That’s a strange tradition, injuring their own quarterback that way. Why don’t the Mormons just learn how to play bingo instead?

The Broncos lead this budding border rivalry 12-2, having won the last 12, and scoring 45 points or more in nine of those games. Even last year, when the Aggies won ten games, they got bounced by Boise 50-19.

BSU must wish it could rerun its first trip to the Beehive State, when they put on a show that could have been called Broncos Beehiving Badly, in a 35-24 loss to Brigham Young. That was a game before an injury to their starting QB forced freshman Brett Rypien into action. (Picking up on a theme here?) In three and a half games, Rypien has shredded his opponents for 1,057 yards and seven touchdowns, with just one INT.

There’s no Friday freshman foursome at quarterback, because USU’s Kent Myers, who has taken over from the chronically injured Chuckie Keeton, is a sophomore. Myers threw for 260 yards in a 56-14 blowout of Fresno State, a week after rushing for 191 to beat Colorado State, 33-18.

It’s a little-known fact that Utah is actually named the Beehive State after the hairstyle. Gosh, those guys must have a tougher time getting their helmets on and off than Billy Sims.

Last year at Heinz Field, Pitt reintroduced its classic script logo, and then chicken-scratched its way all over the field in a 56-28 disaster. The Czar doesn’t know if it was the first time a team fumbled on each of its first five possessions, but he’s confident that if anyone else did it, they probably didn’t win either.

Not only have the Yellowjackets lost four in a row, but the way they played against Clemson suggests that the worst may be yet to come. In the 43-24 setback, Tech rushed for only 71 yards on 42 carries – their worst effort running the ball under Paul Johnson, who is in his eighth season there.

The Panthers have had chances to take command of each of their first two ACC games, but have barely hung on to beat Virginia Tech (17-13) and Virginia (26-19). One of their injured running backs, sophomore Chris James, appeared to be back at full strength while rushing 11 times for 94 yards against the Cavs.

Pittsburgh and Atlanta are the current and former NFL homes of Michael Vick, whose real name is Ron Mexico. He only assumed an alias so that Donald Trump wouldn’t make him pay for the border wall.

Each team’s struggling quarterback staved off the critics with a breakthrough last week. Christian Hackenberg threw for two scores and ran for two more, as PSU stifled undermanned Indiana, 29-7. Meanwhile, OSU’s Cardale Jones completed 21 of 28 against Maryland, for 291 yards and two touchdowns.

Nittany Lion kicker Joey Julius was benched against IU after missing two extra points, but coach James Franklin, who has nicknamed him “Big Toe,” says he still has confidence in him. Julius had better be careful, because we remember what happens to the Big Toe. “Blowd Up, Sir!”

Last time the Lions traveled to Columbus, they suffered their worst defeat since Columbus sailed the ocean blue, 63-14. The fact that they only lost to them at home 31-24 last season endangered the Buckeyes’ playoff chances. That won’t be forgotten by the lumpy nuts, who have traveled a rocky road already, and might need to play better in order to stay ranked ahead of teams like TCU and Utah.

A handful of liberal West Coast cities have decided to rename Columbus Day “Indigenous Peoples Day.” They must be some of those immigrant bashers we’ve heard so much about.

Last year’s 41-27 Mountaineer upset ultimately denied the Bears a shot at the national championship, not just because of the defeat itself, but because WVU’s disappointing remainder of the season harmed Baylor’s strength of schedule.

Tough losses to Oklahoma and Oklahoma State normally wouldn’t break anyone’s season, but with consecutive road trips to BU and TCU, the Eers really needed to win one of those previous two games. If they don’t stop turning the ball over, their following two-game home stand against Texas Tech and Texas could spell trouble, too.

The Waco kids may like to play chess, but it hasn’t taken much tactical maneuvering to guide them to a 5-0 record against Texas Tech, and four quivering sacks of phlegm. Last week, they took pity on Kansas by only winning 66-7, after a scoreless fourth quarter.

Jim McElwain’s Gators are 6-0, while giving up an average of only 14.3 points per game. Not bad for a team whose own coach has publicly, and correctly, chastised them for a lack of discipline. A week ago, they mashed Missouri 21-3, capping the scoring with a 40-yard interception return by cornerback Jalen Tabor.

In last week’s 45-24 win over South Carolina, sophomore running back Leonard Fournette rushed for 158 yards and one touchdown, both of which are season-lows. In five games, he has run for 1,022 yards and 12 TDs, while averaging 8.6 per carry. The nation’s second-leading rusher is San Jose State’s Tyler Ervin, who trails Fournette by 148 yards in spite of having played one game more.

The Tigers were the official road team last week when their game at South Carolina was moved to Baton Rouge due to flooding. Carolina chose to wear their whites, which meant that Louisiana State wore their purple jerseys at home against an SEC opponent for the first time since 1994. Is that some kind of a voodoo thing? Perhaps if they lose a conference home game in purple, the head coach will turn into something weird. You know, like a guy who’s nicknamed “The Hat,” but wears the most nondescript hat you’ve ever seen.

Actually, the Czar thinks he finally understands that nickname. Every other head coach who fancies himself a genius wears a visor, so as to properly ventilate his grey matter, or something. The fact that Les Miles wears a whole hat, then, is viewed as exceptional.

Coach Sarkisian’s impaired presence on the sideline had to be demoralizing. The Trojans must now feel like they’ve got a new lease on their season. Unfortunately for them, those losses to Stanford and Washington still count.

The final score of last week’s 41-24 Fighting Irish victory over their old rival Navy makes it sound easy, but the Middies had tied the game 21-21 with 24 seconds to go before halftime. An efficient Irish rally got them back into scoring range within that time, and Justin Yoon booted a 52-yarder to take back the lead for good.

If SC quarterback Cody Kessler is going to recapture last season’s form, this would be a likely time for him to do it. In last year’s game against the golden domers, he tossed six touchdowns while throwing for 372 yards, in a 49-14 flogging. Kessler’s club had ambushed the Irish to take a 35-0 lead with five minutes remaining in the second quarter.

How did the Trojans ambush the Irish? Simple. All they had to do was hide in a gigantic, wooden keg.

It’s only due to typical voter laziness that the Wolverines are not the highest-ranked one-loss team in the nation, the way they’ve flattened everything in their path since opening with a competitive road loss to Utah. A week ago, they walloped Northwestern 31-0, in what had appeared to be an even matchup going in. It was their third consecutive shutout, after allowing seven points each to Oregon State and UNLV.

Now that a three-point home win over Oregon is no big deal, what else have the Spartans accomplished? In their first two Big Ten games, they’ve only defeated Purdue by three points, and Rutgers by seven. Sure, they’re 6-0, but their average margin of victory is only ten points, against a schedule that has included two games against MAC schools.

This game is in Ann Arbor, but back in East Lansing, MSU’s statue of Magic Johnson has been vandalized by someone with a can of yellow paint, who marked the NBA legend’s chest with a big “M” and wrote “Beat State” on the statue’s base. Presumably, this is supposed to have been done by an invading Wolverine fan, but considering the proud collegiate tradition of “hate crime” hoaxes, the Czar is skeptical.

Who knows? Perhaps the vandal was Magic himself. There’s a good chance he’d do anything for a buck these days, after having invested in the WNBA’s Los Angeles Sparks, and a yet-to-be-named MLS expansion team.

Anyone who expects this game to be anything like last year’s 59-0 Bama blowout has got his head in the ampersand. These Aggies are 5-0 against quality competition, and they’ve had revenge on their minds during an idle week, following a big 30-17 victory over Mississippi State.

The pachyderms pulled away from Arkansas in the fourth quarter to win 27-14, but their offensive production remains problematic. With many of their toughest opponents still ahead of them, they’re averaging 47 yards per game fewer than a year ago.

ESPN is whining that the Crimson Tide have to face too many opponents who are coming off idle weeks. There are three occasions this season on which that circumstance arises, this obviously being one of them. The previous time was against Louisiana-Monroe, in which case it didn’t matter, and nobody thought it would. Next time is against arch rival LSU, but then, the Tide are idle the previous week also, so they’re even.

Yes, an idle week is an advantage, but so is playing at home. So is a key injury for the opposing team. Every team has to overcome its own obstacles. That does nothing to invalidate the results. Once again, ESPN is tailoring its coverage for the gambling lardheads, by suggesting that the outcomes of the games are guided by a shadowy conspiracy. Of course, if the games are fixed, then betting huge amounts of money on them is all the more brilliant a thing to do.

Thanks to his usual nonconference scheduling, Bill Snyder still has his Wildcats’ season afloat, in spite of a pair of potentially deflating losses to Oklahoma State and TCU.

OU’s O was burst, just like their bubble, by the pointy cows in a crushing 24-17 defeat in the Red River Rivalry. The ground game produced only 67 yards, while the offensive line allowed six sacks against QB Baker Mayfield. In Bob Stoops’ revamped, Texastechified offense, his running backs have had only one 100-yard effort (Samaje Perine, 154 vs. Tulsa) all season long. Happily for them, K-State’s pass defense has been surpassingly lame, as it has yielded 291 yards per game. That’s only eight yards better than neighboring tomato can Kansas.

When you see the Cats’ coach prowling the sideline, don’t panic. That’s just Snyder, the amiable coaching legend who has just turned 76. There is no college football team being coached by Bernie Sanders. If there were, he’d be climbing into the stands and trying to throw people out of the good seats, because it’s no fair that there are any.

The Rebels will soon recover from their Tunsil-ectomy, with OT Laremy Tunsil serving the final game of a suspension for receiving impermissible benefits. Among other offenses is that he was driving loaner cars that he’d apparently been getting from a dealership on the Tressel plan.

Last week’s 52-3 Rebel rout of New Mexico State ran their record to 5-1, but they won’t know if they’ve recovered from the Florida debacle until they’ve beaten a better opponent.

Dating back to last October, the Tigers have won 12 in a row, after getting off to a shaky 3-3 start in 2014. One of those three losses was to this same Mississippi team, 24-3. Justin Fuente’s offense was held to 104 yards that day, while being kept out of the end zone in spite of four takeaways.

The other Ole Miss players only wanted Tunsil to be taken out in the first place so that they could get ice cream. Just because they’re in college, that doesn’t make them mature.

In last week’s 30-24 victory, the Ute defense allowed Cal QB Jared Goff to throw for 340 yards, but they intercepted him five times. They will try to do the same against dangerous Sun Devil slinger Mike Bercovici, who tied a career record with 5 TDs a week ago. Goff had been by far the most serious downfield threat Kyle Whittingham’s defense had faced, but he lacks’ Bercovici’s mobility.

It may have been tempting to count ASU out after an atrocious 42-14 loss to USC, but the Devils have since downed UCLA and Colorado to climb within a half-game of the lead, and a head-to-head win over first-place Utah would land them in the catbird seat.

Rumor has it that it will soon be illegal to drive without a specially designed catbird seat installed in your car. Mind you, no such creature as a catbird exists, but just in case one is ever spawned, our benevolent bureaucrats want to assure that it is able to ride in safety. If you resist, then you’re just not a visionary.

This game should give an accurate account of the 1-4 Cavaliers, who have lost to quality opponents (UCLA, Notre Dame, Boise St. and Pitt), but have only beaten Division I-AA William & Mary. Last week, they had to play ketchup at Heinz Field after trailing 17-3 in the first quarter. They stayed in the game with a handful of big plays, but couldn’t connect on any passes in the final series of a 26-19 setback.

Part of the reason SU looked like a competent team this year was that they never left the confines of the Carrier Dome until a week ago. The Orange-don’t-call-us-Men have lost four straight away from home, and have failed to score more than seven points in any of their last three road games of 2014.

Just when it looked like the Orange were rolling, they got beaten to a pulp by the unlikeliest of opponents at South Florida. Losing to USF is not the end of the world, but the Czar is pretty sure he heard Glenn Beck say that if the Bulls ever score 45 points and gain 541 yards in a game, you should run out and invest everything you’ve got in chinchillas.

If the Huskies don’t snap their 11-game losing streak in this series this week, there’s no telling when they might get another chance. By now, it’s apparent that the 3-3 Fighting Ducks are not going to come up with an answer to their quarterback problem this season. If you’re thinking they must have a prized, redshirted recruit waiting in the wings, they do, but Travis Jonsen is unavailable due to an unspecified medical procedure he had before the season.

The big question about last Thursday night’s 17-12 UW victory is, do they deserve credit for defeating USC, or did they just happen to be the opponent that was there to witness the implosion? While the Huskies succeeded in hounding Cody Kessler, they allowed almost ten yards a carry against the first formidable rushing attack they’ve faced this season. If they’re too eager to attack the flailing quacker QBs, running back Royce Freeman will romp.

UO coach Mark Helfrich described Jonsen’s situation by saying he “had a bizarre thing, [but] nothing weird or anything.” It looks like we’ve finally found a football coach who’s willing to deviate from that “it is what it is” line.

The 3-3 Huskies have games remaining against Cincinnati, East Carolina, Houston and Temple. That’ll make it tough for them to become bowl eligible, but remember – they had “nothing to lose” by eschewing overtime against Missouri with a ludicrous fake field goal attempt. Last Saturday, the Bulls put on a display of the kind that hadn’t been seen from them in more than four years. A surprisingly balanced and productive USF offense rushed for 282 yards, and threw for 259 more, in a 45-24 trouncing of unsuspecting Syracuse. Could this outburst signal that third-year coach Willie Taggart is turning the team around? The Czar is not going to jump to that conclusion based on one game.

Connecticut is looking to sweep the AAC’s Sunshine State contingent, having stomped Central Florida 40-13 a week ago. Coach Bob Diaco, the latest nominee for the Lardhead of the Year Award, has unilaterally declared his series with UCF to be a rivalry, which he named the “Civil Conflict” (That’s “Civil” as in North vs. South, and “Conflict” as in FL vs. CT, get it? Oy!) The Knights weren’t receptive to the idea, but Diaco declared, “They don’t get to say whether they’re our rival or not.” So, he brought the trophy with him anyway, and then took it home after his victory. Les Nessman would be envious.

The Bulldogs have lost RB Nick Chubb for the season with a terrible knee injury, but that’s no excuse for blowing a 21-point lead in a 38-31 loss to Tennessee. After all, Chubb was already out of the game before they’d built up their 24-3 advantage. His absence leaves Sony Michael as the one and only. The sophomore rushed for 145 yards against the Volunteers on 22 carries.

The Dogs have had trouble beating out this Tiger team for a berth in the SEC championship, but they pounded them head-to-head last season, by a final of 34-0. They were without their top running back that day, too, because of Todd Gurley’s suspension.

It doesn’t look like Mizzou could come back on anyone right now, so they’d better take the early lead, or they’re done for. In three SEC games, the Tigers have beaten South Carolina 24-10, but been stymied by Kentucky (21-13) and Florida (21-3). For the season, they’re averaging 311.5 yards per game, which is seventh-worst in the nation, right between Kent State and Tulane. It is said that Missouri loves company, but those are two teams they’d probably rather not pal around with.

The Cards’ Lamar Jackson is supposed to be a dual threat quarterback, but so far the freshman has only been effective as a runner. Against Division I-A competition this year, he’s completed fewer than half of his passes, while throwing more picks than touchdowns.

Last year, Seminole RB Dalvin Cook ran for touchdowns of 40 and 38 yards in a 42-31 comeback that kept FSU’s unbeaten regular season intact. The Cardinals led that game 21-0, before fumbling away a score shortly before halftime. The Noles dug that hole with three Jameis Winston interceptions. His replacement, Everett Golson, was infamous for giveaways at Notre Dame, but hasn’t turned the ball over once in five games in 2015. The bad news for his team is that they’re barely pulling games out, even with a QB who takes care of the ball.

In last week’s 29-24 win over Miami, Cook gained 269 all-purpose yards while scoring three touchdowns. If that’s the way someone runs with a pulled hamstring, Boston College is going to start running wind sprints in a meat freezer.

When the Czar first noticed this game on the schedule, he thought it meant that Hawaii was playing against Marcus Vick. That’s because he’s, you know, “new” compared to his big brother Ron.

Having inexplicably scheduled nonconference road games against both Ohio State and Wisconsin, the Rainbow Warriors head right back to the mainland after a 28-14 home loss to San Diego State. UH has now won just one of its last 22 games away from the islands. After they return from this trip to Albuquerque, it’s about time Steve McGarrett put his fist down and said, “Nobody leaves this rock!”

New and Improved Mexico is finally making strides, even though its modest two-game winning streak was snapped in a 35-17 loss to Nevada. The Lobos are now 3-3, but their schedule gets a lot tougher after this week. Well, if it’s not improved, then why are so many people are fleeing Old Mexico to get to the new one?

Kansas State came within three points of beating #20 Okie State and only five points shy of #2 TCU Frogs.
The Norman boys are coming to Manhattan to face a hungry Wildcat team after losing to unranked Texas.
Snyder’s Wildcats, 48. Stoops boys, 23.

2 posted on 10/15/2015 6:42:48 PM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives.)

3 posted on 10/15/2015 7:00:05 PM PDT by TexasFreeper2009 (You can't spell Hillary without using the letters L, I, A, & R)

I was at the Duffy Daugherty building on the campus of Michigan State University today and I think I saw Paul Bunyon packing his suitcase.

4 posted on 10/15/2015 7:02:38 PM PDT by Yo-Yo (Is the /Sarc tag necessary?)

BTW, your PING LIST is posted on your thread, not FReepmail.

But thanks for the heads up.

Always an interesting read! Thanks for posting each week.

USC should have kept Ed Orgeron.

Holy carp look what Memphis is doing to Ole Miss.

Could Memphis actually make it to the playoffs if they go unbeaten.

All I know is that Justin Fuente is going to be the next hot head coach, only question is will he wind up at Texas or Southern Cal.

I can’t believe what I just saw!

11 posted on 10/17/2015 6:42:25 PM PDT by Yo-Yo (Is the /Sarc tag necessary?)

They got away with holding on that return.

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