Prayers for Father in Hospice Care and Questions About It

Myself | 12-19-2016 | Captain Peter Blood

[ladyjane]

It is a difficult time for everyone when a loved one goes into hospice or receives hospice care at home.

I’ve known people who have had excellent hospice care. Others, not so. It is important to communicate with the hospice people to make sure that you are all in agreement on what is best for the patient.

[Auntie Mame]

I have found hospice to be a god send. They only do what you and/or the patient want. I have had two experiences with them for family members and cannot say enough good things about them.

Your father is walking away now. Be with him if you can. That’s all you need to do. Keep him calm, talk to him if you want and if he wants. Do nothing to upset him. Right now, it’s all about him and his wants. If he doesn’t want to eat, that’s perfectly fine. He’ll tell you what he wants.

Dying is hard work and only he can do it. There are some fantastic books out there about dying. Ask the hospice nurses their recommendations. They are specialists in dying. They will answer any question you have.

This will be hard for you but remember, it’s not about you right now. Your dad is getting prepared to go on a trip to a new destination. Once he’s gone, you’ll miss him, but there will be joy in heaven.

[DCBryan1]

Awesome story about your mom! Thanks for sharing!

[Robert DeLong]

Use the morphine as it will definitely ease the pain and he can enjoy dream land rather than the conscious state. I know that is what I would want, and then I would hope that I would pass quickly for everyone's sake.

I consider both my parents fortunate for passing quickly.

While that may sound heartless, it was better than having them linger on in pain.

Fortunately I always conveyed my love for them, so no regrets as far as that goes.

Bottom line is there is no easy answer, but it seems to me that his wishes kind of set the tone for how to proceed.

[Robert DeLong]

BTW, prayers for your family. These are always the most trying of times.

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

You, as you know, need to get clarification on DNR. We’re dealing with that, too.

[Jim Noble]

You are getting very good advice here.

You are witnessing a natural process which has, in a single generation, become almost unknown to the average person.

Hospice will help, a lot. There’s a reason morphine was the first drug.

Be not afraid. The end of mortal flesh comes for all of us. Your Dad will be in my prayers, and you as well.

[Delta 21]

Glory be to our Father who created the heavens and the earth.

Lord please bless the men who loved us when we were children and taught us to do right.

Bless us children trying to do right by them.

[cva66snipe]

Hospice is one of the most misunderstood medical services out there. It is for persons where medical science has done all they can for the patient and life is in the process of ending within usually a 6 month time frame/or a person let's say taking Chemo can not handle treatment anymore and decides to end treatment. It is not assisted suicide. There are some things Hospice doesn't due such as IV hydration. When a person is nearing the end of their life their body shuts down and the fluid will gather. That's one reason.

Medications are given under the tongue with a dropper and you are given about a 3-5 days supply delivered to your home each time you need more. Giving a patient medication this way allows for less medication being used and getting more relief sooner.

One person in the home should be the one to handle the medications if possible if it is home hospice. This lessens chances for confusion. I'm not that sure about facility hospice. I have done home hospice for my dad in 2011 and my wife in 2015. I was her caregiver 29 years. My dad had cancer and died at home after slipping into a Coma two days earlier. My wife was a quadriplegic and died of COPD and pneumonia they tried for three weeks to cure. Her home hospice was 24 hours almost to the minute she was released from ICU and came home until she passed.

Many persons especially the elderly realize or rather sense they are dieing even ones you would swear are healthy. I used to work in a nursing home years ago and a patient would tell one of the workers they were going home they wouldn't be there when the worker came in next day. They didn't mean their residence they meant they were going to pass on. I wasn't in the medical part of it but I saw it happen.

Hospice is also there for family care givers as the caregiver may need a reprieve a break. Home Hospice officers 24 hour a day on call help plus gets home visits several times a week for baths, checking vital signs, medication adjustments, etc. They set the home up with all needed things such as bed, medications, portable commode, oxygen, and when the person passes they handle calling the funeral home. The person is not taken to the ER the nurses can declare them dead just as they do in a nursing home. The rental company picks up the equipment within 24 hours. Many also offer grief counseling.

Your dad will not be seeing his primary care physician but rather will be seen by nurses. Most require an agreement be signed if an emergency arises you call them and not 911 services. This is not being cold or cruel. If the person is passing why prolong it? Again were talking about persons with no medical hope for cure and are in the final days of life.

When my wife was in ICU she was on a ventilator that helped her breath. She was placed on it when on her third day in the hospital took a turn for the worse and was rushed to ICU and put on the machine. For over two weeks several times a day she had to have her lungs suctioned out only to fill up again. They scoped her and tried everything. Finally to make possible her wishes they put a Trach in and she came home because she wished to pass at home and not in the hospital.

The Pulmonary doctor talked to me then to her. Due to her weakened condition she would never able to live off the ventilator again ever. He said as kind but factual as he could when she would be removed she would not live long.

I asked about facilities which take ventilator patients. He explained it to me and then I understood his explanations weren't penny pinching bean counters pressure but a compassion. Keeping someone on life support when no hope is there for a cure is not a life hardly anyone chooses and thus only about a handful of nursing homes or facilities in the USA take long term ventilator patients. He said this was due to a lack of demand and that he himself would not wish such an existence. It means in some cases several times an hour they may have to suction the patient and it is not fun for the patient.

Life support systems meaning machines breathing and or heart beating for us were never intended for long term situations but were meant for a means to help a person who could likely heal to do so. I would try and find a church affiliated hospice if you have ethics concerns. I used the same one twice. I hopes this gives you something to go on. Prayers for you, him, and your family.

[Falconspeed]

“I don’t know what to think or what to do.”

Thanks for sharing. Sorry for the recent decline in the health of your father.
1. Follow Catholic rules. It is good to encourage natural healing with nutrition and medicine. It is bad to trigger death with drugs. Feeding tubes are not natural.
2. Place a Bible, candle and holy card in his room and pray with him daily.
3. Your brother and sister are to be commended.
4. Your father is probably struggling to sip water and stay awake. Hospice knows what to do with morphine and
5. The decreasing health of one’s father is truly sad.

[cva66snipe]

Essentially, isn’t that what Hospice is doing with Morphine?

Not saying it has never happened but in general? No they do not do that. They give oral liquid Morphine under the tongue and absorbed faster through the membranes there. The dosages usually used are far below a maximum strength. My dad passed on just double the minimal dosage he was given and I looked up all his meds and he was a long ways from maxing out on it.

[PrairieLady2]

I’m sorry for your struggle with the end of your dad’s life. Loosing a parent is never easy.

My mother started receiving hospice care in the fall of 2015, at home where she drew up her end of life wishes. She had COPD, congestive heart failure and diabetes that she couldn’t control along with sever arthritis in her knees so she really struggled with trying to walk or get to the bathroom.

The hospice folks were wonderful, and they did what ever it was she wanted. Eventually, she entered a nursing home and died there about 2 months later. They too followed her instructions, but they offered other choices along with it. When she declined relief for her breathing needs or even meds to ease anxiety, the nursing staff didn’t push the issue.

If your dad had any kind of palative care instructions in writing, or even verbally to a hospice worker, or if he can do that NOW, it’s helpful and takes difficult decision burdens from those who really aren’t in a position to make those decisions.

There’s a time to live and a time to die. Dying isn’t a dirty word, it’s a part of life, too. Sometimes it’s very welcomed by those who are ready to face letting go of life. As we age, we go through changes that allow us to be ready and willing to set down the cares of this world and welcome that rest provided by death.
It’s probably harder for you and yours than for him.

Hospice workers are really kewl people, and are more than willing to help you with answers to your questions, or to explore the choices available. Talk to them, express your concerns and see what they say.

My experiences with hospice has been very good, very positive.

I hope yours is too.

[amihow]

The Catholic moral teaching is very clear. One may give as much pain medication as is required to control pain even if it is forseen that the amount will shorten life.

I would think such an approach would be acceptable to all. Death not intended, just allowed. Therefore, not euthanasia.

[Salvation]

If the pain can be managed while he is home, bring him home and be able to die among his loved ones.

I have no love for Hospice and true suspect that the medication was increased until it died from it rather than from the lung cancer which metastasized in his brain.

May God bless him and all of you as you walk together down this road.

[Salvation]

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[NewCenturions]

When my uncle was in hospice, they exp!ained how feeding tubes were painful and the body starts to shut down. But they gave fluid iv and pain meds. He was not Catholic but I had a priest visit him, because I wanted lots of prayers. Hospice nurses knew when he was going. They were wonderful people.

[tioga]

Prayers for you all. There are no easy answers, but best to honor his wishes. He’s had a long life. Talk to hospice, they can help you through this. My mother died in hospice care in our home. Tough days ahead for you.

[cloudmountain]

My mother died at 94. She had lost interest in living. It was VERY sad. Her passing was peaceful.
I miss the mother she USED to be, not the world-weary woman she ended up. All her friends and family were gone, except for me.
It's been a ROUGH nine years for me. I lost my father and sister YEARS ago, my husband six years ago, my mother in 2013 and a much beloved cousin two years ago.

My faith (Catholic) has been my rock and salvation. I am FINALLY starting to be happy again. I can once again believe that life is good.

Advice: stay close to Jesus, your family and your friends. Everything else will fall in place.
God bless you and yours.

[stylin19a]

the last time my grannie went into the hospital, she said “It’s time to go home” and that’s the request we honored.

My dad was in a coma and was diagnosed as brain dead.
I am his oldest child but I had no say about pulling the plug, because he had a wife.

I have power of attorney of my sister in law’s request to “Do Not Resuscitate”.

What is God’s will in these matters ? Even in prayer and meditation I do not know.

I like(d) none of this, all I could do is love them and those around them.

[Yaelle]

We went through this with Dad and lost him in March. One thing you must realize is that dehydration results in deep internal pain. It is a blessing to provide the pain relief. It is NOT killing someone to provide pain relief. There is a big difference.

Dad had Alzheimer’s and could not speak. He was much like an infant. He ate and drank water up to 2 days before he passed. When he was unable to eat or drink, you don’t force feed or IV people that bad off. That would also be cruel. So they shut down. My dad was not in pain until his last 12 hours. Then he groaned in agony. I’m sorry but we didn’t want that for his last hours. He was much better on the morphine. He was comfortable and his life slowly ebbed out. His breaths got farther apart and then stopped. (I was not there but was on the phone with everyone there.)

Please relax about hospice. While there can be less good hospice workers, most are truly angels, providing lots of comfort and practical help for the very sad family.

I have no regrets and I am glad they helped dad not die with the agony of each organ failing and starving for water. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. May your dad have the best possible outcome. Hugs.