My pic of the eclipse...................
Posted on 08/22/2017 6:12:47 AM PDT by sodpoodle
An older golfer was chipping his ball from near a water hazard; his club fell into the water.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The golfer replied that his club had fallen into water, and he needed the club to win the tournament to supplement his meager pension.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "No.
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. Again, the golfer replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer went home happy.
Sometime later the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my woman has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the golfer. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Kate Upton, You would have come up with Jennifer Aniston. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve, that's why I said yes to Kate Upton."
And God was pleased.
The moral of this story is: If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honorable reason, and only out of consideration for others!.
For a laugh, from another perspective:
If a man is alone in the woods where no woman can hear him, is he still wrong?
Hahaha. I watched it from Eugene , Or. Just barely a sliver of sun left.
My pic of the eclipse...................
We drove about the same, I wasn’t expecting much but boy was I wrong, I can’t describe the feelings that I felt at totality. Wow, funny joke by the way.
I am in full support of a great golf joke thread here! Let’s go gang!
Good joke. Thanks.
Drove 10 hours to Oregon, then Sunday drove another 1-1/2 hours east to get away from smoke and high clouds near Redmond and Madras. Monday drove another hour on washboard dirt roads still searching for clear skies. Eventually climbed a good hill on the south side of the John Day River and had a spectacular view up and down the entire valley and clear skies. It was so magical, watching the black descend on the valley below, seeing light on the horizon, then the diamond, then BAM the totally eclipsed sun. Wow.
To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn’t hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.
When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green.
After several minutes pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started.
“Of course,” says the old man, “when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.”
I was very lucky. My trip to the eclipse involved about 10 steps to my driveway. I thought I knew what it was going to be like, but I was wrong. It was spectacular; way beyond my expectations
Lol, thanks for the giggle :-)
I wanted to avoid blindness so I waited until night to watch the eclipse
It sure was dark for a long time!
Yes
D. Oh.
Our eclipse trip was even shorter; stepped out onto the west balcony of our high-rise. Watched the entire city go dark but the horizon had kind of a sunset glow during totality.
It only got slightly dark during the partial phase; even a sliver of sunlight has tremendous energy. But we could feel it cooling off by several degrees.
Awesome. Thoughts of the Divine the whole time.
Mark Steyn: “Bill Clinton was told not to stare at the black sun and he replied, “Oh, that’s just a rumor from the Nineties.”
Thanks for the nice laugh.
JoMa
Sam Snead actually pulled that gag on a pro golfer, although I cannot recall on whom. Might have been about the trees on the left off Augusta’s 13th tee.
He dropped another on the front edge and pitched up near the pin. Then, he walked across the lake to retrieve his water-ball.
A couple of passing golfers, far away in another fairway, saw him and hollered to one of his foursome, "That guy walking on the water--who does he think he is, Jesus?"
Back came the answer: "No, He IS Jesus. He THINKS He's Jack Nicklaus!"
I hope I can see it in 7 yrs. I really want to see the stars. However, every time I want to see a great meteor shower...cloudy. Where am I? North of Philly and...cloudy. so, maybe I won’t mess it up for thousands and I will just enjoy watching it and everyone else on media.
LOL I’m sending this to my bro who was a caddy.
A priest was golfing with one of his more wayward parishoners who badly missed a shot and muttered “Jesus Christ, I missed”. The priest did not take kindly to this and warned him of the consequences of his blasphemy. A couple of rounds later it happened again whereon the priest gave him a stern warning that bad things happen to blasphemers. Well, at the 18th hole, on a shot that would win him the game, the parishoner missed his shot and loudly said, “Jesus Christ, I missed”. As the clouds above started to darken and a sudden chill wind blew from the north, the priest said, “I warned you of the consequences of your sinning” and suddenly a lightning bolt came from the heavens and hit the priest blowing him to smithereens. As the winds died down, from up in the heavens was heard, “Jesus Christ, I missed”.
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