Posted on 05/05/2018 2:25:48 PM PDT by sodpoodle
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no".
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it.
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hil."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you"!$#@&!".
The crowd goes absolutely wild.
Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.
He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that; I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first 'pitch'."
Love it!
God’s greatest gift to us - LAUGHTER:)
How funny
So she takes it to the white house and places in a corner and pulls the cover off the cage and the bird immediately squawks "new whore house, new madam". Hillary laughs and thinks Bill will love it.
A little later Chelsea and a friend enter the room to which the bird squawks "new whore house new whores". Chelsea and her friend a dumb struck but when Hillary explains the bird's origins and that it is for Bill they all laugh.
And then a short time later Bill enters the room to which the bird squawks
HI BILL!!!
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it".
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed onto the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat. The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all knew how to cover the story. Their banner headlines read "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
He does not have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican".
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss. The union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican.
He continues to smile, and again yells "Thank you!" The union boss once again, loudly orders drinks for, everyone except the Republican.
As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells "Thank you!"
The union boss asks the bartender "What the hell is the matter, with that Republican? I have ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly prick does, is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"
Nope" replies the bartender. "He owns the place".
Hillary stops and thinks for a second and says "OK, but what's the catch?"
Pada pum pum tssh.
Good laughs everyone and thanks!
Bwa Hahaha!!!
I beg President Trump to make those multimillionaires to have to pay for their own security once they reach a certain financial level.
One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir."
Three contractors bid on repair to the white house fence. One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with Obama to examine the fence.
The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well" he says "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me".
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says "I can do this job for $7,000. That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me".
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to Obama and whispers "$27,000". Obama grins and, says "You didn't even measure like the other guys!! How did you come up with such a high figure??"
The Chicago contractor whispers back "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence!" "Done!" replies Obama.
On a sunny day at the end of January 2017, an old man approaches the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue where he’d been sitting on a park bench.
He walked up to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn’t reside here.”
The old man said, “Okay,” and quietly walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn’t reside here.”
The man thanked him and again quietly walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine, understandably a bit agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I’ve told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn’t reside here. What don’t you understand about these facts?”
The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, Sir. I just love hearing your answer!”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
George W. Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?” Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
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