h/t Pookie18
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Love your jokes!!!!
Keep on doing what you do. If you have a “ping” list, I would like to be on it.
Thanks.
The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, “What does a woman want?”
—
That’s from Sigmund Freud, the entire quote is -
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”
I you had told all of them to “F*ck *ff or you’d call the cops on them” for harassing you - you would probably :
Have 3 of THEM voiding their bladders/rectums right there on the ground shuddering in fetal position
Have several more hustling away in righteous indignation heading for their ‘safeplaces’
Have the rest get an endorphin rush that all Attention Whores get when they receive ANY attention at all (including derision and dismissal from other people).
-
Yes a theoretical parable of our current leftist enabled societal insanity
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.
So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want even when they say, "nothing" I want know what makes them happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
+101!
Please add me to your jokes Ping list.
If a dinner jacket is for dinner. and a smoking jacket is for smoking, what’s a windbreaker for?
Author unknown
I was so nervous on my honeymoon, I put my pants to bed and hung over a chair all night!
Rodney Dangerfield
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An exchange between a census worker and the man who answers the door:
CW: Your name?
Man: Adam.
CW: Your wife’s name?
Man: Eve
CW: chuckling...And I suppose your gonna tell me that Satan is here as well.
Man: Hold on ... Eve ... the man wants to talk to your mom.
h/t Pookie18
The phone rings at the front desk of a swanky high rise hotel. The desk manager (DM) sees that the call is from a guest (G) on the 15th floor.
DM: Front desk, may I help you?
G: My wife and I are have a terrible fight. She is so upset that she is threatening to jump out the window.
DM: Well, I’m very sorry that your are not enjoying your stay at our hotel, but I don’t really see what we can do. This seems to be a personal issue.
G: You would think...but you see, the window won’t open, and that’s a hotel maintenance issue.
I do like your sense of humor, sodpoodle!
“* In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.”
Henny Youngman
A FReeper, an illegal immigrant and a socialist are walking down the beach.
One of them finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops a genie.
G: Thanks for freeing me from the lamp. I’m in a hurry, so I’ll give you each one wish.
II: I’d like all my brothers and sisters to be free of the oppression of ICE and all the Yankee Gov’t.
POOF!...and he’s gone!
FR: Where’d he go?
G: I sent him and all his brother and sister illegals back to their countries. Now, tell me what you guys want.
S: I’d like for myself and all likeminded socialists to live in a country that honors Marx and loaths capitalism.
POOF!....and he’s gone too.
FR: Where’d HE go?
G: I sent him and all his fellow socialists to Venezuella. Now, like I said, I’m busy. What is it YOU want?
FR: Are you telling me that in ALL of America there are no more illegals or socialists?
G: Yup, that’s right. Now let’s go, tell me what you want!
The FReeper sits in the sand, thinks for a minute, looks up at the genie and says, “Ya know, I think I’d like a Coke.”
Good ones sodpoddle.
I complained to my dentist, “My teeth are yellow”.
He said, “Get a brown tie.”
Henny Youngman
The doctor asked the woman if she ever woke up grumpy in the morning.
She answered, “No, I just let him sleep.”
A woman met with a divorce lawyer. The conversation went as such:
“Okay, I understand you want a divorce. Tell me, do you have grounds?”
“Yes, we have acre up near Ocala.” she replied.
“No, I mean, does he ever beat you up?”
“No,” she answered, “I usually get up an hour before he does.”
“Ok, but do you have a grudge?”
“No, we have a carport.”
“I give up!,” he exclaims, “Why do you want a divorce?”
“Well, we just don’t seem to communicate.”, she says.
I’ve heard that men are like fine wine...
And it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they’re mature enough to have dinner with. ;o)
“Excuse Me Sir
How would YOU describe the Ideal Woman?
What would she be?
...Oh Oh not me, I wouldn’t know nothing about that...
...I’m a I’m a I’m a ba - ba - Bachelor myself.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3bxPEk_jp8