Posted on 01/04/2019 11:49:27 AM PST by sodpoodle
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”
The tower responded, “Who is calling?”
The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”
The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference ... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. “Yours is.”
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.” Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?”
“Nothing important, sir,” the airman replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”
Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “Sure, buddy.” Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again!” Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “No, SIR!”
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He’ll tell you.
Q: What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.
Q: What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
“Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave.”
“Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!
God bless our troops.
Bump
Q: What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.
Not my experience, but funny just the same.
Down in Beeville, Texas a Navy instructor and his student were out doing airwork. The Cadet screwed up and not realizing that the ICS between the pilots was set to broadcast their conversation, the Instructor started berating the student for a serious error calling him a “dumb sonofabitch!” Hearing that exchange the tower keyed up and asked for the a/c making that transmission to identify itself. Silence! Then another a/c keyed up saying “He may be a dumb sonofabitch, but he’s not that dumb!
Amen! And a good Happy New Year to all the troops at home, at sea, and abroad!God Bless and Keep You Always!
The Medical Officer told some of the enlisted lounging beside the road to help push the vehicle out.
With a smirk, they responded that they were "dead" and so they couldn't help.
The driver told him, "Don't worry sir. I'll just throw a few of those dead bodies under the wheels. That will give us the traction we need."
The moral of the story: "Never mess with the Medics."
Passed off to me as a “true” story.
An aircraft calls in to LA center asking for clearance to FL600. (FL 600 = 60,000 feet altitude, most commercial aircraft fly between 33K’ and 42k’)
A Controller was heard to exclaim “Oh yeah, and how are you going to get up to there????”
Response was “Negative, we wish to DESCEND to FL600!” :D
It seems the aircraft in question was an SR-71 returning from one of it’s missions.
Bttt.
5.56mm
“What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.”
Oh yeah...
Yes, Lord, give all of that to our active military pilots!
Something I heard from one of my husband’s friends:
Two Marines were walking through San Diego when ten local cops surrounded them and attacked them. Eight of the cops ended up in the hospital.
When the two Marines got back to base their CO was pissed!
“Why in hell did you let the other two get away?”
The way I heard it, the last bit was, “If you’re [whatever], Mickey Mouse’s hands are on the one and three, and if you’re [whatever], it’s Thursday and you’re two days late.”
The only flaw in this story excerpted from above is that Army jeeps from the original jeep on through the Humvee do NOT have ignition keys. The only key they might have is if a chain has been welded to the chassis to be put around the steering wheel and locking it so that the wheel could not be moved and thus the jeep not driven.
Great laughs, bless our troops, thanks for posting :)
Artillery Humor.
During the Korean War a unit was in dire straights, they were out of ammo, no support and the Chinese were preparing to attack. The Commander looked around and seeing the Chaplain said: “Padre, you are our last hope, we need a miracle.”
The Chaplain fell to his knees devotedly praying to God. He prayed and prayed but the Chinese horde could be heard coming. “Come on Chaplain, pray harder” Said the CO.
The horde could be seem coming over the ridge, the chaplain seeing this prostrated himself on the ground.
Suddenly the Heavens opened up and giant hand came from the sky hitting the ground between the unit and Chinese. The Chaplain looked up and prayed:
“Please God add 50”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.