Posted on 01/27/2019 7:05:02 AM PST by sodpoodle
For years an email has been circulating about the “Washington Post's Mensa invitational” which includes a very clever list of words made by changing common words.
ORIGINAL EMAIL:
The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2009 winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. ------------------------------------------------------ 1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
No, no, no. Osteopornosis is a porno boner.
17. Kindasewer - Someone who’ll eat anything.
My mom was invited to join Mensa. After two meetings she quit. I asked her why, and she said, “They are the most boring people I’ve ever met. All they do I talk about themselves.”
Marriage has a nice ring to it...It’s a matter of wife and debt.
Maritime n. The time of a wedding.
Cantaloupe n. Gotta get married in a church.
Rubberneck: v. What you do to relax your wife.
Stalemate (stale•mate) n. A leading cause of divorce.
For some marriage is a word, for others it’s a sentence.
Laughtier, till we cried!
Laughtear till I cried...
“I had no choice but to shoot him, judge, my wife was in danger.”
“Mr Redd, our records show you aren’t married.”
“Never said I was.”
“Are you Mr John Redd, of Hawaii?”
“Yes. Honowuwu.”
I worked once with a guy who had been to a few Mensa meetings; his observation was “If all you guys are so smart, why are you still living in your parents’ basements?”.
I worked once with a guy who had been to a few Mensa meetings; his observation was “If all you guys are so smart, why are you still living in your parents’ basements?”.
I am in Mensa. I love wordsmithing.
Many are portmanteaus: hybridized terms.
I admit many of us are boring - but not all. There is variety in Mensa.
My problem, in an urban setting, is that most are inveterate leftists.
P.S. The Mensans with whom I have associated talk about subjects, many abstruse, not about themselves - and usually not just about ball sports.
Folks who need to tell others how smart they are... usually aren’t.
That applies doubly to you, Yogi.
Most smart people don't need to go to Mensa meetings. We have jobs where we spend our day interacting with other smart people. And then we have FR.
You might enjoy a Microsoft app: “Wordament”. My daughter added it to my laptop - I’m addicted;)
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