Not...
Barium Gold Water....
Posted on 07/15/2019 2:07:52 PM PDT by sodpoodle
"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year's submissions:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
God bless.
Lexophile, a guy who likes Lex Luthor.
I was going add to the list, but I always mix up my worms.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic?
He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog..............
I know a dinosaur with three buttocks. He’s Triassic.
When a judge makes a bad decision, it’s Jurassic.
“I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.”
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
Great posts y’all, keep ‘em coming;)
Vice Presidential dance:Algorithm
Mexican car killer:El Camino acid
Anyone who sees a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
I couldn’t understand why the ball looked like it was getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
Later
Chemists for BaAu[H2O]!
“you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”,
Isn’t there a TV show called “Wicked Tuna” in which people tuna fish?
Not...
Barium Gold Water....
Most of those are not original. I’ve heard them years ago.
Never date someone who is cross-eyed. They are sure to be seeing someone on the side.
I provided a link - however, like most ‘classic’ jokes, there was no date.
The threads I post are to “lighten the load”. The news is so depressing. Full of rage and despair.
God bless.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad, he’ll be a mile away and shoeless.
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