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Funny Stories that will make you feel like a Genius.
email | 05-23-03 | 4mycountry

Posted on 05/23/2003 12:55:54 PM PDT by 4mycountry

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

----

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.

----

Recently, a man went to McDonald's and saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. He asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?"

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right."

So the man shook his head and ordered six McNuggets.

----

A lady was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind her put her things on the belt close to hers.

She picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between their things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of the items, she picked up the "Divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she asked the lady, "Do you know how much this is?", and the lady said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and the woman paid her for the things and left.

The girl had no clue what had just happened.

----

A policeman recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" he asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" the cop asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to him.

As he took the key and manually unlocked the door, he replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

----

Several years ago, a company had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.


TOPICS: Humor
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Have fun, add your own! ^_~
1 posted on 05/23/2003 12:55:55 PM PDT by 4mycountry
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To: 4mycountry
At the local grocery store, I gave the cashier some Susan B Anthony coins as payment. She said we do not accept foreign currency at our store.
2 posted on 05/23/2003 1:01:41 PM PDT by duckman
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To: 4mycountry
When I was in college, I worked in the office services department of a law firm. We had a petty cash box full of change and the supervisor asked one of the girls to roll the change so that he could take it to the bank. She returned shortly thereafter, announcing that she had completed the task. The supervisor was impressed. He said, "Wow, you counted that change pretty quick!" To which the girl replied "Counted?"
3 posted on 05/23/2003 1:01:45 PM PDT by RayBob
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To: 4mycountry
A man had been picked up by police for investigation into a crime. The interrogating officer took a spaghetti collander, "connected" it by wire to a copier, put it on the suspect's head and began the interrogation.

After the first question, the officer hit the COPY button, and out came a piece of paper that said, "HE'S LYING".

The man confessed.

4 posted on 05/23/2003 1:02:15 PM PDT by Publius
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To: 4mycountry
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car."

I know this actually happened to me in a Walmart parking lot. A young girl (17ish) and her friend in her parent's Expedition. She was pretty upset and I asked if she needed a hand. She explained that the battery must have died on her remote door unlock and she couldn't get in. I'm dead serious, it really happened.

5 posted on 05/23/2003 1:03:31 PM PDT by Hatteras (The Thundering Herd Of Turtles ROCK!)
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To: 4mycountry
I used to work in a large retail store (like Target). I was covering the automotive department one day when a lady looking through the car wax aisle stopped me and asked if we had any elbow grease. I asked her what it was for and she said her husband told her it would take a can of turtlewax and an a whole lot of elbow grease to get her car looking good again.
6 posted on 05/23/2003 1:04:33 PM PDT by ElkGroveDan (Fighting for Freedom and Having Fun)
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To: duckman
Similar experience with the 1976 $2 bill!!! I was accused of counterfeting!
7 posted on 05/23/2003 1:06:26 PM PDT by Zavien Doombringer (If common sense is so common, why is it so difficult to find it?)
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To: 4mycountry
I approached the large scale at the Publix grocery store to see how much I weighed. There was a woman already standing on the scale, with her husband standing nearby holding her purse. She was obviously disappointed when she looked at her weight and so she took off her shoes and held them in her hand, unable to understand why that didn't help. Her husband and I exchanged knowing glances as he told her he would explain it to her later.
8 posted on 05/23/2003 1:06:58 PM PDT by Lucas McCain
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To: 4mycountry
I love to ask pretty young girls at the fast food resturaunts if they accept federal reserve notes as payment. Usually they don't have a clue and call their manager who is often as clueless as the eye candy is.
9 posted on 05/23/2003 1:07:41 PM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave)
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To: 4mycountry
I read this interview with a guy one time.

He didn't know what the meaning of the word 'is' is.

(What a dolt.)
10 posted on 05/23/2003 1:09:40 PM PDT by evets (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: 4mycountry
My wife's nephew was visiting a few weeks ago and brought along a friend from New York City. We were driving somewhere when we passed a house with about a dozen goats out in the yard. The nephew's buddy asked, "What are those? Some kind of miniature cows?"
11 posted on 05/23/2003 1:11:03 PM PDT by Hatteras (The Thundering Herd Of Turtles ROCK!)
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To: Hatteras
I stopped off at a post office, came back out, and found that I had locked my keys in my car.

I looked around, and saw that there was a car dealership down the block. I walked into their service department, and asked to borrow a jimmy.

They didn't even ask my name.

12 posted on 05/23/2003 1:14:25 PM PDT by jdege
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To: 4mycountry
The Place: IBM Parking lot.
Woman pulls her Mercedes convertable into the lot across from me. Parks, gets out and starts to walk away.
Pauses, turns and holds out her remote. Points and pushes it with obvious effort. Looks at it, points and pushes it again.
Is apparently satisfied, turns and walks into the building having successfully locked her car.

The top was down.

13 posted on 05/23/2003 1:16:13 PM PDT by grobdriver
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To: 4mycountry
I went to the local Sears-type store to get a replacement air filter for my furnace. I brought the old one (20" x 25") with me. I asked the nice young man where the air filters were. His eyes got big and he said: "Wow. What kind of car do you have?"
14 posted on 05/23/2003 1:19:58 PM PDT by ladyjane
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To: 4mycountry
This one may actually help someone.

A distraught woman asked for help as she sat in her car. She said her and her husband had just bought the car and she couldn't turn the key in the ignition. I noticed that her front left tire was in a small pot hole so I reached in and pulled the steering wheel over a little. Since the steering wheel is linked to the ignition, any stress pulling the wheels over will stop the key from turning. The stress was relieved by pulling the wheel and she was able to start the car.

15 posted on 05/23/2003 1:20:10 PM PDT by Shooter 2.5 (Don't punch holes in the lifeboat)
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To: 4mycountry
click.

A true story out of San Francisco:

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

3 more from San Francisco:

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happed to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.

Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.

Detroit:

R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighbourhood.When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Colorado Springs:

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Another from Detroit:

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Cigars and Insurance

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. the man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire", and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires". After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

16 posted on 05/23/2003 1:20:42 PM PDT by xJones
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To: 4mycountry
just yesterday I had an interesting one...

A telemarketer called and asked for me, Lisa, but no last name. I said she is not here ( I normally say that to telemarkets just to get rid of them)

She then replied is her wife available.....

I said no and then just hung up..it was pretty funny.
17 posted on 05/23/2003 1:21:00 PM PDT by alisasny
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To: Lucas McCain
A year or so ago I walked into the local Wal-Mart. It was about 9 or so and there weren't many people around. I heard the PA system come on and a very youngish nervous voice came over saying, "I have a customer by the balls in the sporting goods department and I need help from a member of management, please."

Laughter came from all over the store.

18 posted on 05/23/2003 1:21:10 PM PDT by Adrastus
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To: 4mycountry
Someone in my lab told me that her sister was in a check-out line in a department store when some woman came back in looking for her cell phone. A guy in line pulled out his cell phone and asked her for her number. She just looked at him strangely and asked why she'd want to do that. A woman in line said, "So he can dial your cell phone number and you can hear it ring if you left it here in the store." The woman continued to look at the rest of the people as though they were nuts. She finally said she'd just go out and look in her car again.
19 posted on 05/23/2003 1:23:53 PM PDT by aruanan
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To: duckman
The same thing happened to me. What was worse, I didn't realize it was a dollar either and put it on the counter thinking it was a quarter (I'm sure I got it as a quarter, too). He was smarter than that. He wouldn't accept foreign money. Just smarted himself out of 75 cents.
20 posted on 05/23/2003 1:24:06 PM PDT by jim_trent
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To: 4mycountry
This page contains a bunch of stories like that, plus it's a blatant plug for my own book, "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers." Makes a great Fourth of July gift! Buy a bunch of copies and help me pay my electric bill!: http://www.comedy-wire.com/bookorderpage.html
21 posted on 05/23/2003 1:30:24 PM PDT by HHFi
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To: 4mycountry
When we were in high school, my sister came home well after midnight one night and said that she and a friend had just found out they had driven home on the wrong side of the road. I asked why she would drive on the wrong side of the road and she replied that there were no other cars around to show her which side to drive on.

Same sister: I once asked her if the wallpaper we were buying was 2 for the price of one. She looked at me like I was crazy and siad no, it's buy one get one free!

Same sister: She woke up one morning and started freaking out that her car was stolen. It turned out that she had driven it to the church the night before and then got a ride home from a friend.
22 posted on 05/23/2003 1:30:28 PM PDT by Rad_J
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To: grobdriver
not to argue, becaue she probably didn't know, but high end cars can have proximity sensors where if a hand is place inside the vehicle, the alarm goes off.
23 posted on 05/23/2003 1:31:24 PM PDT by Andrewksu
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To: jim_trent
What happened next was, I called for the store manager. He took the coins, rolled his eyes at the cashier, then placed the coins in his pocket and replaced them with paper currency. This happened at the Food Lion in Raleigh NC.
24 posted on 05/23/2003 1:35:19 PM PDT by duckman
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To: Rad_J
I was visiting a friend in Atlanta and he needed up purchase something from a sporting goods store for a relative. He was wondering where to go shopping when I asked him "Do you have Dick's here in Atlanta?" You should have seen the look on his face.

He didn't realize Dick's is a sporting goods chain here in PA.
25 posted on 05/23/2003 1:35:44 PM PDT by cjshapi
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To: 4mycountry
I worked for a wood shop in 1982 that built magazine and bookshelving racks for grocery stores. We had so much work that we started a second 12 hour shift in which I was in charge. My crew did all of the painting and finishing and I always wore a spray sock and respirator for the duration.

One evening we had busted butt and were ahead of schedule so I went to the local store at 1:30 am to buy a case of beer for my loyal, hard working cohorts. Needless to say, I forgot to remove my spraysock (ski mask) and I was surrounded by 4 police officers before entering the store! The cashier had seen me pull up and locked the door while I counted up the money and called the cops. I explained my way out of it and they came to the shop to verify my story.

26 posted on 05/23/2003 1:41:19 PM PDT by Normal4me (I am a militant conservative according to Petah Jennings. I LIKE it!)
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To: cjshapi
He didn't realize Dick's is a sporting goods chain here in PA.
If you want to go to that company's website, don't just guess on the web address. My secretary did that, and got a verrrrry different site.
27 posted on 05/23/2003 1:42:40 PM PDT by drjimmy
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To: 4mycountry
The remote door unlock-thing happened to me. My car battery was down. I got upset for about 15 seconds wondering how I was going to get in my car. The door keypad wouldn't work either. I was scratching my head with the key. Oh, I felt like a fool. Then I chalked it up to being a spoiled luxury car-owner instead of being a total idiot.
28 posted on 05/23/2003 1:45:01 PM PDT by whereasandsoforth
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To: Shooter 2.5
This happened to me:

I put a drunk friend on the train to go home and told him I would bring his car to him the next afternoon. I had the keys.

The next day the car would not go into [D] Drive. It took over an hour and four or five people attempting to help before a mechanic who offered to check it out realized the problem. The car required the driver to depress the brake in order to move the car out of [P] park.

29 posted on 05/23/2003 1:46:18 PM PDT by TaxRelief (Psss...Don't tell anyone, it is so embarrassing.)
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To: grobdriver
"The top was down."

I had a '67 Convertible Mustang. Because it was a convertible, that was exactly the reason I never locked it. It had the original Delco radio and I never left anything of value in it.

Sure enough, one night, someone cut the top to get in and rummage through the glove box. The one thing missing was the gear shift knob.

30 posted on 05/23/2003 1:46:30 PM PDT by Hatteras (The Thundering Herd Of Turtles ROCK!)
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To: 4mycountry
People in the express lane at the store became impatient as the fellow in front of them kept looking through his pockets and fumbling around. The customer explained to the cashier that he had a coupon worth 50 cents somewhere. The folks waiting in line got more exasperated as this little drama played out. The customer searched through his pockets and wallet several times before finally finding the coupon. After his coupon was scanned and the cashier was paid, the irate folks in line recognized Bill Gates as he left the store.
31 posted on 05/23/2003 1:54:03 PM PDT by DeFault User (The Rev. Al is our pal)
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To: 4mycountry
bump
32 posted on 05/23/2003 1:54:14 PM PDT by LiteKeeper
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To: Hatteras; Lauratealeaf; OldFriend
My younger daughter admitted that she did this one day, and for a moment thought she was locked out of her car, till she remembered her key!! (duhhh,I'm the blonde in the family!!)
33 posted on 05/23/2003 1:59:02 PM PDT by Betteboop
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To: whereasandsoforth
Last month... me, too. Took about 10-15 sec to figure out what a moron I was.
34 posted on 05/23/2003 2:02:26 PM PDT by Teacher317
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To: Betteboop; Lauratealeaf; OldFriend; Exit148; Coleus
Oh, and another one I hadn't thought about for years.

My first year working in the high school (where I've been now for 22 years) it was election day and the voting booths were set up in the hallway outside my office. I watched as a student stood there for a few minutes as people went into the booth, voted, came out and left. He then came into my office and asked me, in all sincerity, "why are all those people getting their pictures taken?"
35 posted on 05/23/2003 2:10:13 PM PDT by Betteboop
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To: 4mycountry
I served on the jury for a drug trial. The defendant was charged with possession with intent to distribute crack cocaine. The cocaine in question was displayed and an SBI investigator explained to us how crack cocaine was made.

The defendant took the stand (big mistake.) When the prosecuting attorney asked him if he had seen the cocaine the SBI investigator had shown us, he answered "Yes, but it don't look like crack to me." The prosecutor replied, "Really? What does it look like to you?" He continued, "Looks like 'cut' to me." He then explained to the court how you can cut cocaine with aspirin, sugar, just about any white powdery substance, to 'water it down to sell'. All this after he had testified, under oath, that he didn't sell cocaine, he only used it, but only during the week while he was at work.

36 posted on 05/23/2003 2:14:00 PM PDT by mommybain (not Walmart greeter material)
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To: 4mycountry
True story:

In my younger, wilder days an acquaintance of mine, while driving drunk, accidentally drove up on the sidewalk. He then noticed a policeman, just a short distance behind, and knew he had been seen. So he came up with a brilliant idea to avoid a DUI; he hopped out of his car, opened the hood, and feigned car trouble. Sure enough, the cop stopped, got out of his cruiser and asked him what the problem was.
"I don't know, occifer. My car just died and I can't get it started again," he replied.
He was then promptly arrested for DUI. The reason? He had forgotten to turn off the car before he got out. The car he "couldn't start", was still running!

37 posted on 05/23/2003 2:26:12 PM PDT by PaulJ
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To: grobdriver
Looks at it, points and pushes it again. Is apparently satisfied, turns and walks into the building having successfully locked her car. The top was down.

She may have been setting the alarm. I have a convertible (Miata) with an alarm system – when the top is down I press my remove and it turns on the alarm (which includes a motion sensor so the alarm goes off if somebody jumps over the doors into the seat). This is pretty common on convertibles.

38 posted on 05/23/2003 2:31:53 PM PDT by Last Visible Dog
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To: 4mycountry
For later...
39 posted on 05/23/2003 2:33:22 PM PDT by stands2reason
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To: dd5339
Keboard alert ping!
40 posted on 05/23/2003 2:42:05 PM PDT by cavtrooper21 ("..he's not heavy, sir. He's my brother...")
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To: 4mycountry
BTTT
41 posted on 05/23/2003 2:45:28 PM PDT by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
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To: 4mycountry
Had a board meeting coming up. The boss asked a co-worker to write up a new Mission Statement and gave her the draft. This was a "rush" as the board members would be arriving any minute. When she was done she was to make copies for all and distribute them to all board members in the conference room. She got them done and usually I would proof her work before it went anywhere. No time for that. She handed them to all and she was so proud of her work. At the top she had put "Omission Statement". Didn't go over real well.

Same co-worker. She asked for my recipe for split pea soup that I had brought for lunch that day. Said I didn't really have a recipe. Just throw split peas, ham, etc. in the pot. A few days later she said she had bought 4 cans of peas to make the soup and wow, those peas are hard to split!

42 posted on 05/23/2003 3:00:54 PM PDT by Oorang
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To: 4mycountry
Some years ago, I ordered a medium drink at a fast-food place. I was informed by the cashier that they were out of large cups, so she would have to give me my medium drink in a large cup, filled 2/3 of the way full. I said that was fine, and then watched her get a large cup, fill it with ice and soda all the way to the top, pour 1/3 of the contents down a sink, and give me the drink!
43 posted on 05/23/2003 3:02:35 PM PDT by Stone Mountain
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To: Stone Mountain
That is pretty sad
44 posted on 05/23/2003 3:07:15 PM PDT by alisasny
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To: 4mycountry
Once, when I was hanging out with some muscian buddies that had a garage band thing going, the guitarist and the keyboardist were trying to work out an ending section that was a legato repitition of an earlier motif, altered slightly with emphasis on the m3 played on a high sustained keyboard note ... all together a nice ending to the best music ever played in that garage.

About that time the bass player has an idea to do a sort of picardy third thing on the bass, and go into a double time major-key boogie REO-Speedwagon kinda thing. Man, he was dumb.
45 posted on 05/23/2003 3:11:28 PM PDT by spodefly (This is my tagline. There are many like it, but this one is mine.)
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back when windows 3.1 was out, my sister called me long distance for help w/her computer. after trying to figure out the problem over the phone w/o much success, i finally said, "sounds like it's frozen. maybe you've got too many windows open."

ms. genius relies, "yes, it is kinda cold in here."
46 posted on 05/23/2003 3:15:51 PM PDT by radiohead
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To: Adrastus
A year or so ago I walked into the local Wal-Mart. It was about 9 or so and there weren't many people around. I heard the PA system come on and a very youngish nervous voice came over saying, "I have a customer by the balls in the sporting goods department and I need help from a member of management, please."

lol...reminds me of the time I worked in the sporting goods department with a lovely young lady. I convinced her to read the blue light special over the intercom like so:

"Good evening K-Mart shoppers. That blue light is flashing back in our sporting goods department where we are selling softballs 2 for a dollars. Please don't forget to have your balls ticketed before leaving the area and thanks for shopping at K-Mart."

47 posted on 05/23/2003 3:18:07 PM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: radiohead
shoot - relies = replies
48 posted on 05/23/2003 3:20:52 PM PDT by radiohead
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To: PaulJ
In my younger, wilder days an acquaintance of mine, while driving drunk, accidentally drove up on the sidewalk. He then noticed a policeman, just a short distance behind, and knew he had been seen. So he came up with a brilliant idea to avoid a DUI; he hopped out of his car, opened the hood, and feigned car trouble. Sure enough, the cop stopped, got out of his cruiser and asked him what the problem was.

lol..that sounds a bit like an experience I had once a long time ago. Four or five friends and I were in my car parked on a dirt dead end road one winter partying with wine and other substances. We noticed a car creeping down the road toward us with it's lights off....cops!

Thinking fast I said "quick, jump out of the car and pretend we're trying to push the car out of the snow."

So we did that. The cops come idling up and I run up to their car and said "Thank goodness...can you guys pull us out of here? We've been stuck in the snow for like a half hour". The cops were kind of pissy about it and said "No" (it was cold and snowy) and never got out of their car!

That's about the only time that a cop encounter turned out postive.

49 posted on 05/23/2003 3:24:48 PM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: radiohead
I hate the proliferation of paper receipts. One day at the century theatres in Sacramento the sweet young thing at the snack bar register handed me "my receipt." I asked her if the food was tax deductible. She said she didn't know. I said I don't believe it is, so I won't need a receipt. She said I had to take it. I said is this a new rule for customers or they can't get in to the movie. She said she would be fired if I didn't take it. I said, that's ok, why would you want to work where they had such stupid rules that she'd be responsible for the customers behavior.

Again Sacramento, Carl's JR Franklin and Florin. 1 receipt at the first window, a second receipt wrapped around the bag at the second window and a third receipt in the bag. All for the same thing of course.

Same CJs, different day. Lunch time on a work day. I enter and start to give my order. The young man says, the computers are down, we can't take your order. I said, I have a suggestion. Write down what I order with the price next to the item. Total up the prices add the tax and I'll pay it. On paper you can subtract what I owe from what I give you and that will be my change. At the end of the day, add up the pieces of paper against the money in the registers. Answer: we don't know how to do that.

50 posted on 05/23/2003 3:28:06 PM PDT by breakem
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