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Divorce Tale/ NY / HELP. (Need a roomate? ;-) )

Posted on 08/31/2003 3:18:37 PM PDT by 1stFreedom

SUMMARY: My wife locks our son in the car near a store. She calls me and I come unlock the door. So, both of us are upset. She says we absolutely need a cell phone. I'm like, "you got hold of me without one, right? People lived for centuries without them."

I say we don't have the money. I have enough money in the bank to pay rent, buy groceries, and make the car payment. She's says if I don't buy her one then she has a standing offer from a "friend" to get her one.

If you haven't seen my other posts, her "friend" is a male whom she has spent the night with on two occassions supposedly talking at diners or in parking lots.

The fact that she is throwing his offer in my face pisses me off. Later at home she again throws this offer from her "boyfriend" in my face. So I "schooch" her towards the door well telling her to get the "F*&K" out of my house. Big mistake on my part, admitedly.

So, she calls 911. I hang up the phone.

She then goes to grab our 3 year old son and I tell her to forget it and get out. Now, I know this is futile since the courts are stacked against me, so I give in. I give her the keys to the van and tell her to get out.

911 calls back an she talks to them.

Cops come, talk to us, then leave under the assumption that she had a place to stay. She doesn't leave since her friends are all gone this weekend. No charges filed.

I have no place to go from here except renting another apartment She has numerous friends who have offered to let her stay if things got worse than they were.

Like I said, there isn't much support for men. It's here or I live in my dodge Neon for the next few months.

I'm unemployed, can't collect unemployment (self employed), and in need of a job. I'd like to get going on divorce mediation. Going before a judge for a summary divorce wouldn't be wise since we both have plenty of baggage on each other -- better to just settle issues out of court and have a judge rubber stamp it in a divorce proceeding.

There are plenty of resources for women, but not much for men. I can't afford a cell phone, mediation, or a lawyer. She has all the options, while I have none.

I'm a programmer, and thanks in part to the DOT COM bomb and the export of jobs to India, I haven't had much success finding anything.

Any advice? Does anyone know of a programming position available? Believe me, I've been scouring the online job boards and NY times for week have submitted almost 100 resumes. The results aren't pretty.

I have no real prospects yet except one job managing OUTSOURCED PROGRAMMERS IN INDIA! F@%kers! The are part of the reason I can't find work.

How bad would taking a job like this make me feel? Imagine having to take a job at the million mom march, ACLU, planned parenthood, or Billary Klinton's office. Not cool, huh? Problem is whatever job I get I have to stay at for a long time. I've been job hopping (consultant) for years and now if I quit a full time job, I'll never land another job.

Anybody aware of any ASP/VB/Access/VBA/SQL Server jobs in NYC/Westchester/Fairfield county not yet publicly posted? I'm really looking to find someone in company who is in a position to influence or make a hiring decision.

Any fathers rights attorneys out there willing to work at a reduced rate -- payment paid upon my first paycheck WHEN I get a job? (Can't pay till I get work.)

Family & friends are in California, and none of them has money.

Finally, anybody looking for a conservative roomate? ;-)


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: faq

1 posted on 08/31/2003 3:18:37 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
Is this a joke?
2 posted on 08/31/2003 3:22:11 PM PDT by cyborg (i'm half and half... me mum is a muggle and me dad is a witch)
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To: 1stFreedom
go to www.craigslist.com, lots of jobs there and it's free
3 posted on 08/31/2003 3:23:18 PM PDT by diefree
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To: cyborg
It isn't a joke. As it stands now, a woman can screw your best friend, get the kids, the car, the house, and sneer at you as she throws your clothes into a pit.

Equality? My eye.

4 posted on 08/31/2003 3:25:30 PM PDT by Reactionary
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To: 1stFreedom
Good luck, man. Hope someone can give you a lead.
5 posted on 08/31/2003 3:25:36 PM PDT by The Westerner
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To: 1stFreedom
Have you tried 'America's Job Bank'?
6 posted on 08/31/2003 3:26:26 PM PDT by mommadooo3
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To: cyborg
I've been posting here on FR for a few years. It's no joke.
7 posted on 08/31/2003 3:30:04 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
You need a female lawyer and try to get custody of your kid.
8 posted on 08/31/2003 3:30:16 PM PDT by FITZ
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To: cyborg
I mean I'm post quite a bit and don't post jokes. This situation is new and real.
9 posted on 08/31/2003 3:30:56 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
"I have no real prospects yet except one job managing OUTSOURCED PROGRAMMERS IN INDIA!"

A lot of people have it worse than you and end up working for Burger King for $7 an hour. The job that you just mentioned seems to be a more lucrative supervisory position - so perhaps you can place your love of money above your hatred for enterprising Indians an reconsider that job.

10 posted on 08/31/2003 3:31:37 PM PDT by BCrago66
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To: 1stFreedom
Try to get pictures of her spending time with her lover --- and if there were witnesses to her locking the baby in the car. She might be putting the baby at risk --- neglecting the baby to be with her boyfriend --- I'd fight for custody.
11 posted on 08/31/2003 3:32:23 PM PDT by FITZ
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To: mommadooo3
Nope. but I've been checking out:
Hotjobs.com
Flipdog.com
Monster.com
Careerbuilder.com
Dice.com
Nettemps.com
NYTimes.com

I check them *daily* and respond immediately to any job I qualify for. I then follow up with a phone call. Not much success.

Many jobs posted on line are either fake or already filled. Check back each day and you'll see the same jobs posted with a new date. I've been doing this for years and sometimes I even see the same generic from the same company posted online. Most of these offenders are contract companies.
12 posted on 08/31/2003 3:33:29 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: FITZ
Look. It's not worth it. My son needs his mom too. I'd rather he be with her than in daycare. The worst thing I could do is impact my son this way.
13 posted on 08/31/2003 3:35:03 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
You leave that house and it's her's, man.
14 posted on 08/31/2003 3:36:08 PM PDT by baltodog (As for me, I gonna' be a pimp!)
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To: Reactionary
The courts have traditionally been kinder towards the mother than the father for good reason. Now I do not think that is as applicable since the onset of liberal feminism.
15 posted on 08/31/2003 3:36:56 PM PDT by cyborg (i'm half and half... me mum is a muggle and me dad is a witch)
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To: FITZ
**You need a female lawyer and try to get custody of your kid.**

Legal Aid
16 posted on 08/31/2003 3:37:38 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: BCrago66
>>place your love of money above your hatred for enterprising Indians an reconsider that job.

First of all, it's a caucasion who owns the company I would be working for AND the outsourcing firm in India.

Secondly, I don't hate Indians. I have had the pleasure of working with many in my consulting experience. I actually like working with them and think highly of them.

What bothers me is that I can't get a job because they are being shipped to India. I can't get a job because I can't work for $5k per year.

And, burger king won't pay the 1k rent. Throw child support and alimony, lawyers bills, and then rent for my own hole in the wall (YMCA??) and car payments, and BK will not do anything. Cost of living in NY is high.



17 posted on 08/31/2003 3:38:30 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
I didn't mean any insult. I know sometimes people post things from the Onion,etc.
18 posted on 08/31/2003 3:38:32 PM PDT by cyborg (i'm half and half... me mum is a muggle and me dad is a witch)
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To: 1stFreedom
If you don't mind your son being raised by another man and an adulterous that's up to you --- it's doubtful that married women attract the best quality of men though. Just take any job you can -- you'll need it --- you have to at least make sure your kid eats and has child support.
19 posted on 08/31/2003 3:39:10 PM PDT by FITZ
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To: baltodog
Well, we rent (Thank God!!!)

I told her I refuse to leave without a court order in the form of a divorce/separation agreement.

Why? I don't want to be seen by the courts as having abandoned my child.

And she has plenty more options than me. The only option I have is to live homeless in my car. Her friends will take her in.
20 posted on 08/31/2003 3:40:09 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
Don't worry about someone else's job and ability to get jobs. Do the internet thing BUT don't make it a means to an end. Meanwhile there are jobs out there that will put money in your pocket such as cashiering, shiftwork,etc. I suggest getting a job to get some cash, and looking at the same time before you become homeless. You have no family or anything that can help you out?
21 posted on 08/31/2003 3:42:34 PM PDT by cyborg (i'm half and half... me mum is a muggle and me dad is a witch)
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To: 1stFreedom
AJB might be more useful to you. They're affiliated with each state's unemployment/welfare/FS agencies. AJB WANTS to get you employed so that you DON'T have to ask for 'help' of the local Social Services.

Also, a lot of times, they have jobs that are NOT offered to the 'general public'.(by doing that, the employer gets a tax break or something, when they hire someone)

22 posted on 08/31/2003 3:43:23 PM PDT by mommadooo3
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To: FITZ
>>If you don't mind your son being raised by another man and an adulterous that's up to you

Nothing I can do about that. It's a lost cause in todays courts. Back in the days if one was committing adultery it had an impact on custody. Today it don't mean squat.

>> it's doubtful that married women attract the best quality of men though.

Oh yea. I keep telling her he has underlying motives. She is in denial and says he's just a concerned friend. Well, I tell her that none of her lady friends are doing the same with/for her. She refuses to accept that he has an agenda and she only believes his is acting out of the goodness of his heart. I'm like, he should be treating you no different than any other stranger. Is he offering to buy a phone for some stranger he bumps into? No. Anyway, it's a lost cause.

And, I can't reject the job involving outsourcing unless another comes along. I do have to pay rent. But it is so humiliating since I am so strongly against outsourcing. (I have posted many vanities/breaking news on the subject.)
Just take any job you can -- you'll need it --- you have to at least make sure your kid eats and has child support.


23 posted on 08/31/2003 3:44:41 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: mommadooo3
Thanks for the tip. Sounds like a very good resource.
24 posted on 08/31/2003 3:45:27 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
Sorry for my hasty reply. I don't want to be PC and make unhounded allegations. What I don't understand is whether the suprevisory position you mention is still open - and if it is, wouldn't it be at least a step in the right direction? I mentioned Burger King because I presumed that the position you mentioned paid more than $7 per hour - because you need specialized knowlege to supervise programmers.

I don't know what your credit is like, but once you land a job - you may be able use credit card financing to pay immediate expences: not ideal, but sometimes necessary in an emergency.

25 posted on 08/31/2003 3:47:49 PM PDT by BCrago66
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To: 1stFreedom
Here's the addy to get ya started....http://www.ajb.dni.us/

I just looked, there are 3660 jobs listed for the state of NY. (in your field)

26 posted on 08/31/2003 3:55:13 PM PDT by mommadooo3
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To: 1stFreedom
Here's another website that may be of help with the divorce/custody/support.....http://www.fathermag.com/apr96/knight-abuse.html

It's a Father's rights place. Has lots of links. There's a couple of OTHER places if you're interested. (I just have to look them up)

There's NO reason why you should let yourself be F####...with no kiss, no vaseline, and no money on the bedstand.

BTW... I'm NOT a male.

27 posted on 08/31/2003 4:03:40 PM PDT by mommadooo3
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To: mommadooo3
Thanks...
28 posted on 08/31/2003 4:26:27 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: mommadooo3
Thanks. Some of the jobs I recognize from the other boards.

However, there are many jobs that seem unique to this board.

Hopefully too many people took vacation last week instead of this week. Otherwise, not much will happen till next week.
29 posted on 08/31/2003 4:29:03 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
As you state you've posted on the subject of your wife and her friend before. You need to make a decision to either keep her or boot her. If you keep her then both of you need to grow up and act as man and wife. If you decide to divorce,then make a clean cut and leave the woman to lead her life. Yes you share a child, but you cannot use him as an excuse to stay nor as a weapon if you go. Either way the people here at FR cannot live your life for you. So, just make your decision and take responsibility for it.
30 posted on 08/31/2003 6:57:00 PM PDT by YankeeinOkieville (Compost happens.)
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To: YankeeinOkieville
>>You need to make a decision to either keep her or boot her.

I think that if you reread my post you'll see the choice has been made. Now it's just a matter of paying for it and having the cash to move into another place.
31 posted on 08/31/2003 7:04:05 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
I haven't got any particular experience that would help you with your marital problems, other than to say that you need to do some self-examination and coldly determine what culpability you might bear for them. Most programmers I've ever known tend to be anal-retentive types, and while that might make for a great programmer, it's really hell on relationships.

The market for programmers may be tight, but it's not nonexistent. Find yourself some other kind of work, even if it's only keyboarding for a local temp agency (that's how my career in networking started). Either something will come up in your own field or you can branch out into something else. The important thing is to be working, not only for the money, but to help you maintain your self-respect.


32 posted on 08/31/2003 10:27:45 PM PDT by Agnes Heep
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To: Agnes Heep
>> other than to say that you need to do some self-examination and coldly determine what culpability you might bear for them.

Oh, there are two sides to a story. I'll give you that.

>>Most programmers I've ever known tend to be anal-retentive types, and while that might make for a great programmer, it's really hell on relationships.

I know what you mean. I'm in the middle, no too retentive but not exactly normal either! LOL


33 posted on 08/31/2003 10:30:20 PM PDT by 1stFreedom
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To: 1stFreedom
FYI Link...

DADI.org
http://www.dadi.org/
34 posted on 09/01/2003 10:18:33 PM PDT by Cindy
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Comment #35 Removed by Moderator

To: 1stFreedom
Here ya go!
36 posted on 09/02/2003 3:59:49 PM PDT by ThreeYearLurker
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To: 1stFreedom
Many jobs posted on line are either fake or already filled. Check back each day and you'll see the same jobs posted with a new date. I've been doing this for years and sometimes I even see the same generic from the same company posted online. Most of these offenders are contract companies.

Most online jobs appear to be fake, either scams by headhunters to expand their database of candidates, or by companies not seriously looking, but also wanting to expand their datbase when their budgets go up, or companies wanting to get some responses by Americans before saying "no qualified Americans" and hiring an H1B.

The newspaper classifieds are, IMHO, a better indication of the job scene since the company actually has to pay some money to get listed.

37 posted on 09/08/2003 1:44:35 PM PDT by SauronOfMordor (Java/C++/Unix/Web Developer === (No longer unemployed, praise the Lord))
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