Divorce Tale/ NY / HELP. (Need a roomate? ;-) )

[1stFreedom]

SUMMARY: My wife locks our son in the car near a store. She calls me and I come unlock the door. So, both of us are upset. She says we absolutely need a cell phone. I'm like, "you got hold of me without one, right? People lived for centuries without them."

I say we don't have the money. I have enough money in the bank to pay rent, buy groceries, and make the car payment. She's says if I don't buy her one then she has a standing offer from a "friend" to get her one.

If you haven't seen my other posts, her "friend" is a male whom she has spent the night with on two occassions supposedly talking at diners or in parking lots.

The fact that she is throwing his offer in my face pisses me off. Later at home she again throws this offer from her "boyfriend" in my face. So I "schooch" her towards the door well telling her to get the "F*&K" out of my house. Big mistake on my part, admitedly.

So, she calls 911. I hang up the phone.

She then goes to grab our 3 year old son and I tell her to forget it and get out. Now, I know this is futile since the courts are stacked against me, so I give in. I give her the keys to the van and tell her to get out.

911 calls back an she talks to them.

Cops come, talk to us, then leave under the assumption that she had a place to stay. She doesn't leave since her friends are all gone this weekend. No charges filed.

I have no place to go from here except renting another apartment She has numerous friends who have offered to let her stay if things got worse than they were.

Like I said, there isn't much support for men. It's here or I live in my dodge Neon for the next few months.

I'm unemployed, can't collect unemployment (self employed), and in need of a job. I'd like to get going on divorce mediation. Going before a judge for a summary divorce wouldn't be wise since we both have plenty of baggage on each other -- better to just settle issues out of court and have a judge rubber stamp it in a divorce proceeding.

There are plenty of resources for women, but not much for men. I can't afford a cell phone, mediation, or a lawyer. She has all the options, while I have none.

I'm a programmer, and thanks in part to the DOT COM bomb and the export of jobs to India, I haven't had much success finding anything.

Any advice? Does anyone know of a programming position available? Believe me, I've been scouring the online job boards and NY times for week have submitted almost 100 resumes. The results aren't pretty.

I have no real prospects yet except one job managing OUTSOURCED PROGRAMMERS IN INDIA! F@%kers! The are part of the reason I can't find work.

How bad would taking a job like this make me feel? Imagine having to take a job at the million mom march, ACLU, planned parenthood, or Billary Klinton's office. Not cool, huh? Problem is whatever job I get I have to stay at for a long time. I've been job hopping (consultant) for years and now if I quit a full time job, I'll never land another job.

Anybody aware of any ASP/VB/Access/VBA/SQL Server jobs in NYC/Westchester/Fairfield county not yet publicly posted? I'm really looking to find someone in company who is in a position to influence or make a hiring decision.

Any fathers rights attorneys out there willing to work at a reduced rate -- payment paid upon my first paycheck WHEN I get a job? (Can't pay till I get work.)

Family & friends are in California, and none of them has money.

Finally, anybody looking for a conservative roomate? ;-)

[cyborg]

Don't worry about someone else's job and ability to get jobs. Do the internet thing BUT don't make it a means to an end. Meanwhile there are jobs out there that will put money in your pocket such as cashiering, shiftwork,etc. I suggest getting a job to get some cash, and looking at the same time before you become homeless. You have no family or anything that can help you out?

[mommadooo3]

AJB might be more useful to you. They're affiliated with each state's unemployment/welfare/FS agencies. AJB WANTS to get you employed so that you DON'T have to ask for 'help' of the local Social Services.

Also, a lot of times, they have jobs that are NOT offered to the 'general public'.(by doing that, the employer gets a tax break or something, when they hire someone)

[1stFreedom]

>>If you don't mind your son being raised by another man and an adulterous that's up to you

Nothing I can do about that. It's a lost cause in todays courts. Back in the days if one was committing adultery it had an impact on custody. Today it don't mean squat.

>> it's doubtful that married women attract the best quality of men though.

Oh yea. I keep telling her he has underlying motives. She is in denial and says he's just a concerned friend. Well, I tell her that none of her lady friends are doing the same with/for her. She refuses to accept that he has an agenda and she only believes his is acting out of the goodness of his heart. I'm like, he should be treating you no different than any other stranger. Is he offering to buy a phone for some stranger he bumps into? No. Anyway, it's a lost cause.

And, I can't reject the job involving outsourcing unless another comes along. I do have to pay rent. But it is so humiliating since I am so strongly against outsourcing. (I have posted many vanities/breaking news on the subject.)
Just take any job you can -- you'll need it --- you have to at least make sure your kid eats and has child support.

[1stFreedom]

Thanks for the tip. Sounds like a very good resource.

[BCrago66]

Sorry for my hasty reply. I don't want to be PC and make unhounded allegations. What I don't understand is whether the suprevisory position you mention is still open - and if it is, wouldn't it be at least a step in the right direction? I mentioned Burger King because I presumed that the position you mentioned paid more than $7 per hour - because you need specialized knowlege to supervise programmers.

I don't know what your credit is like, but once you land a job - you may be able use credit card financing to pay immediate expences: not ideal, but sometimes necessary in an emergency.

[mommadooo3]

Here's the addy to get ya started....http://www.ajb.dni.us/

I just looked, there are 3660 jobs listed for the state of NY. (in your field)

[mommadooo3]

Here's another website that may be of help with the divorce/custody/support.....http://www.fathermag.com/apr96/knight-abuse.html

It's a Father's rights place. Has lots of links. There's a couple of OTHER places if you're interested. (I just have to look them up)

There's NO reason why you should let yourself be F####...with no kiss, no vaseline, and no money on the bedstand.

BTW... I'm NOT a male.

[1stFreedom]

Thanks...

[1stFreedom]

Thanks. Some of the jobs I recognize from the other boards.

However, there are many jobs that seem unique to this board.

Hopefully too many people took vacation last week instead of this week. Otherwise, not much will happen till next week.

[YankeeinOkieville]

As you state you've posted on the subject of your wife and her friend before. You need to make a decision to either keep her or boot her. If you keep her then both of you need to grow up and act as man and wife. If you decide to divorce,then make a clean cut and leave the woman to lead her life. Yes you share a child, but you cannot use him as an excuse to stay nor as a weapon if you go. Either way the people here at FR cannot live your life for you. So, just make your decision and take responsibility for it.

[1stFreedom]

>>You need to make a decision to either keep her or boot her.

I think that if you reread my post you'll see the choice has been made. Now it's just a matter of paying for it and having the cash to move into another place.

[Agnes Heep]

I haven't got any particular experience that would help you with your marital problems, other than to say that you need to do some self-examination and coldly determine what culpability you might bear for them. Most programmers I've ever known tend to be anal-retentive types, and while that might make for a great programmer, it's really hell on relationships.

The market for programmers may be tight, but it's not nonexistent. Find yourself some other kind of work, even if it's only keyboarding for a local temp agency (that's how my career in networking started). Either something will come up in your own field or you can branch out into something else. The important thing is to be working, not only for the money, but to help you maintain your self-respect.

[1stFreedom]

>> other than to say that you need to do some self-examination and coldly determine what culpability you might bear for them.

Oh, there are two sides to a story. I'll give you that.

>>Most programmers I've ever known tend to be anal-retentive types, and while that might make for a great programmer, it's really hell on relationships.

I know what you mean. I'm in the middle, no too retentive but not exactly normal either! LOL

[Cindy]

FYI Link...

DADI.org
http://www.dadi.org/

[ThreeYearLurker]

Here ya go!

[SauronOfMordor]

Many jobs posted on line are either fake or already filled. Check back each day and you'll see the same jobs posted with a new date. I've been doing this for years and sometimes I even see the same generic from the same company posted online. Most of these offenders are contract companies.

Most online jobs appear to be fake, either scams by headhunters to expand their database of candidates, or by companies not seriously looking, but also wanting to expand their datbase when their budgets go up, or companies wanting to get some responses by Americans before saying "no qualified Americans" and hiring an H1B.

The newspaper classifieds are, IMHO, a better indication of the job scene since the company actually has to pay some money to get listed.