Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Who Is The Father?

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Happy New Year

[John Beresford Tipton]

"1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night."

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

[Alouette]

These are all women in the UK.

[Mama_Bear]

These are SO funny! Thanks for the ping and the laughs.

Happy New Year to you!

[jaybee]

I have a pair of cats whose mother was a stray. The humane society insisted that they are brothers, but they they don't look anything alike. I've always wondered if they had different daddies.

[onyx]

ROFLMAO! GREAT POST!

I can't pick a favorite --- they're all too dang hilarious.

[aomagrat]

Are they even sure who the mother is?

[al baby]

It either Bill Clinton , Steve Garvey or Jack as in the Box

[Onelifetogive]

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

I think the real trick is being sure of the father of one while uncertain of the father of the other...

The children must be very "distinctive."

[INSENSITIVE GUY]

They were too busy excerising their "right to choose"!Choose between Tom,Dick,Harry,Fred,Peter,Calvin,George,not to mention the rest of the community.

[blam]

I saw a list of questions and answers of guys going into the service during WW2, here is my favorite question and answer.

Question: What is you church preference?

Answer: Red brick.

[Larry Lucido]

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

Whew! I wear only Royal Blue!

What's a squaddie?

[John Beresford Tipton]

"The children must be very 'distinctive.'"


Yes, there have been cases where one is black and one is white, though as Seinfeld teaches us:
"Not that there is anything wrong with that."

[ladyinred]

One of the funniest things I have read in a long time! What a great way to end the year! Thanks for posting this!

[BigWaveBetty]

Mommy always said I came from Heaven.

[labowski]

The Dude: [Looking at a picture of the Little Lebowski Urban Acheivers] And these are uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mister Lebowski's children.
The Dude: Different mothers.
Brandt: No...
The Dude: So racially, he's pretty cool?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

What is a Squaddie?



Between the security of childhood and the senility of old age.

Is found the fascinating group of humanity called “Squaddies”.



A squaddie can be found anywhere in love, in bars, in trouble and always in debt. Girls love them, towns tolerate them, hotels hide them and governments support them.


A squaddie is, Laziness with a pack of cards. Bravery with a tattoo. Ruggedness in uniform and defender of the world with a copy of playboy.


He has the brains of a bear, the energy of a sea turtle, and the slyness of a fox. The stories of a sea captain, the sincerity of a liar. The aspirations of a Casanova, and a desire for people to be free.


His interests are, Girls, females, women. And members of the opposite sex. He likes beer, booze, plonk, alcohol, and ale, leave passes and an excuse all duties chit.


He spends his money on Girls, beer, cards, and any that he has left he likes to spend foolishly.


No one else could cram into one packet, food for 24 hours, a packet of crushed cigarettes, and a box of matches. A picture of his girl, receipts for lost equipment, a deck of cards an old leave pass.

[Constitution Day]

"Who is my babydaddy?" BUMP.

[VOA]

bump