Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Who Is The Father?

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

[Prime Choice]

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

Especially if the woman is a lagomorph. They ovulate with each copulation. Considering her frequency of partners, I'd say she's certainly doing it like a bunny.

[Prime Choice]

Mommy always said I came from Heaven.

Now why would your mommy say that?   ; )

[BigWaveBetty]

More euro-wackiness - Watch for flying fridges.

[ThanhPhero]

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

I know a set of "twins" who were born 3 months apart, the elder at 8 months the younger at 8 1/2 months.

[HairOfTheDog]

These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

Right... I think they are a little ~too~ good to be true.

[BigWaveBetty]

Now why would your mommy say that? ; )

Big brother, is that you?

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

The lab that I worked for did paternity testing. You wouldn't believe some of the scum some of these women dragged in stating that they were the fathers.

Most of the phlobotomists decontaminated themselves after drawing the blood on some of the individuals. They didn't want to be in the same room with the guy. Of course the mothers were so high class ....

[HairOfTheDog]

Dogs and cats both release many eggs and can be impregnated during any number of breedings during the heat cycle. It would not be uncommon for there to be different fathers in an free-roaming situation.

[najida]

Bwahhhhhahahahaha!
#3 and #11 are my favorites.

[davisfh]

Ummm, yas! We are indeed firmly planted in the era of
the hyperactive birth canal. If you're a taxpayer, watch
out! If you're not a taxpayer then just sit back and wait
for your next offering of free government cheese.

[Prime Choice]

Big brother, is that you?

Mum's da woid! ; )

[Gottwnz]

Sounds like some of the wackos on Montel Williams, LOL!

[muggs]

They probably are from different daddies. A litter of kittens often have different fathers.

[Tim Osman]

This is heartwarming...

Especially like #4 and #5!

[Destructor]

Hence the origin of the term "mass confusion."

[festus]

Granted the grammar and diction are a bit to good, perhaps this was cleaned up a bit, but I can tell you that depending on what social circles you have had opportunity to move in none of the above is particularly unbelievable.

[mikrofon]

"Look, I am not your father..."

[IncPen]

What?! No ping for me?!

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I didn't want to jinx it.

[Conservative til I die]

More euro-wackiness - Watch for flying fridges.

Would that be South Africa, Spain? Or maybe South Africa, Germany.