Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Who Is The Father?

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

[StriperSniper]

a set of "twins" who were born 3 months apart,

Those aren't twins, they were merely wombmates. ;-)

[Crusher138]

My boss and his wife were going through fertility treatments. As a last resort they tried in vitro. Sure enough, she became pregnant with twins. They discovered that only one of the twins was implanted the other was fertilized during their frantic attempts to get it done the old fashioned way one last time. Something about their placement in the uterus and the fact that one was a couple of days older than the other.

[Yaelle]

I've always wondered if they had different daddies.

While cat litters can have widely differing looks among cats that have only one father, if the stray mom was out free during her heat, she was undoubtably "had" by a few males over that time period, and the kittens could well be from different fathers.

And, yes, this is possible in humans, if there is more than one egg released, and more than one guy in the, er, picture.

[Aliska]

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

Years ago, I remember reading about a British girl who had one white baby and one black baby. They were fraternal twins and each had a different father.

[sawyer]

That is really funny

[Yaelle]

The lab that I worked for did paternity testing.

Me too! We did a Hell's Angels case back in the 70s, when the entire troupe had to come in and give blood. Thank goodness "it" wasn't one of the several father/son/brother combos. LOL!

[BigWaveBetty]

You never let me have any fun.

[usadave]

She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.

I have a feeling that her "fainting" had more to do with how much booze she drank that night at the party and less to do with the sex being "so good".

[MizzouTigerRepublican]

This looks like one of the usual Jerry Springer episodes.

[WKB]

True Story
When I was in insurance sales, I was insuring a young lady and a her 5 children.
As she was naming the children I noticed she gave
a different last name for each child.
I asked her
"Do all those children have a different father."?
She thought for few seconds and replied
"Yeah cept for dem twins"

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

If someone isn't fainting, you aren't doing it right.

[HairOfTheDog]

I have worked in welfare-to-work.... I didn't get cute stories. This is funny, but I wouldn't call it true.

[BenLurkin]

Seems that the definition of confusion now includes Father's Day in England.

[Viking2002]

This is hysyerical. I have to give them credit for originality, if not judgement. :-)

[Hidgy]

If all this is for real I doubt that it is funny to most readers of this forum. God placed humans to have dominion over animals....not to be animals.

[Gritty]

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

This one was bill clinton.

I don't have a clue about the others.

[Spacemonkey1023]

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.



Well.....you never know.....can you.....?

[BushCountry]

After all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

________________________________

Such a nice girl, I wonder what got into her?

[curmudgeonII]

...He likes beer, booze, plonk, alcohol, and ale, leave passes ...

I was doing fine with your definition until you came up with plonk. What the hell is plonk>

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

plonk: excl.,vt.

[Usenet: possibly influenced by British slang ‘plonk’ for cheap booze, or ‘plonker’ for someone behaving stupidly (latter is lit. equivalent to Yiddish schmuck)] The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file.