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FRENCH MARS PROBE SURRENDERS - Robotic Arm Extends White Flag
Borowitz Report ^

Posted on 01/27/2004 6:00:34 AM PST by Sub-Driver

FRENCH MARS PROBE SURRENDERS

Robotic Arm Extends White Flag

The French space program took a significant step backward today as the European Space Agency announced that a much-heralded French Mars probe surrendered just moments after landing on the red planet.

The probe, which had been expected to travel extensively across the surface of Mars to collect and analyze rock samples, stunned the French nation by surrendering only eight seconds into its mission.

As millions of astonished Frenchmen watched on national TV, the probe extended a robotic arm -- designed to scoop up rocks from the surface of Mars – and raised a white flag aloft, waving it back and forth.

The probe then used a robotic shovel to dig a hole in the Martian surface before disappearing into the hole, apparently hiding.

At a press conference in Paris, French President Jacques Chirac denied that the probe had surrendered, arguing, “This mission was always intended to be eight minutes long. The probe has performed courageously and superbly.”

Despite earlier announced plans for the French Mars probe to exchange information about the surface of Mars with the American Mars probes, Mr. Chirac said, “The Americans will have to go it alone.”

In other news, Hollywood’s annual Golden Globes celebration was disrupted Sunday night when former Vermont Governor Howard Dean took the stage to denounce the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for not naming him Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy.

After excoriating the Golden Globe voters, Mr. Dean began shouting a partial list of U.S. states in no particular order before being escorted offstage by security personnel.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: antifrenchhumor

1 posted on 01/27/2004 6:00:35 AM PST by Sub-Driver
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To: Sub-Driver
Would have been better if Chirac denounced the American mission as an 'imperialistic unprovked invasion of a sovereign planet'.
2 posted on 01/27/2004 6:03:42 AM PST by Always Right
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To: Sub-Driver
"At a press conference in Paris, French President Jacques Chirac denied that the probe had surrendered, arguing, “This mission was always intended to be eight minutes long. The probe has performed courageously and superbly.” "

Eight minutes = ULTRA-LONG FRENCH "PERFORMANCE"
3 posted on 01/27/2004 2:13:39 PM PST by Yehuda
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To: Sub-Driver
Well, at least their Mars probe actually got to the point of surrender...unlike their nuke carrier, which I don't think will ever leave port again...
4 posted on 01/27/2004 11:18:36 PM PST by Ronzo (GOD alone is enough.)
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To: Sub-Driver
Update: Detailed analysis of the French lander shows that it expelled several batteries out of its rear end before putting up the flag. Before launch, French engineers had anticipated this event and installed several large capacitors in the rover so that there would be enough electrical energy stored for a full surrender.

5 posted on 01/27/2004 11:29:06 PM PST by mikegi
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Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: Sub-Driver
ROFLMAO
7 posted on 01/29/2004 12:43:34 PM PST by BlueNgold (Feed the Tree .....)
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