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Bestiality Marriage Application for San Fran Mayor
Self | Februrary 13, 2004 | Self

Posted on 02/13/2004 10:40:04 AM PST by Vitamin A

Today I sent this letter to the mayor and clerk of San Francisco. It's my way of waging a humorous protest against their less-than-humorous issuance of marriage licenses to homosexual couples in defiance of state law. Please read the letter completely and carefully (the punch line is at the end).

February 13, 2004

Mayor Gavin Newsom Clerk Nancy Alfaro City Hall, Room 168 1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place San Francisco, CA 94102

Dear Mayor Newsom and Clerk Alfaro,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Corky St. Clair and I live with my companion of 15 years, Billy, in a beautiful neighborhood in Orange County zoned for equestrian uses. Yesterday tears of joy filled my eyes as I heard the news reports that you had boldly and defiantly issued marriage licenses to non-heterosexual couples. I was so moved by the Mayor’s courage in adopting a new interpretation of the state constitution which allows for non-heterosexual marriage—something that even our state supreme court has refused to do—based on “equal protection.” It’s about time we had brave leaders like Mayor Newsom who are willing to give legal effect to their personal interpretation of “equal protection,” instead of waiting for the state’s elected leaders and courts to do so!

Billy and I have been waiting for 15 years for the government to acknowledge that all loving relationships are equal and deserving of protection under law. For too long Billy and I have endured the pain of harsh stares coming from people when they see us expressing our affection for each other in public. I guess they just don’t understand that love can come in many different shapes and forms and colors and flavors, if you will. For Billy and I, our relationship may seem abnormal or even freakish to some folks (especially here in a more conservative rural-type setting!), but we know its what’s in our hearts that counts.

I am writing to ask you to send Billy and me information about how we can apply for a marriage license in San Francisco, so that our deep and loving relationship can be legally sanctioned at long last. We also respectfully request that Mayor Newsom personally perform the ceremony, as we feel that only someone as bold and brave as he can do so. Our personal information for the marriage license is as follows:

Name: Corky William St. Clair; Birthdate: Feb. 14, 1965; Birthplace: Barstow, California; Age: 39; Hair: Dirty blonde; Eyes: Hazel; Height: 5’ 11”; Weight: 175.

Billy (it’s just Billy, no last name); Birthdate: July 7, 1985; Birthplace: Barstow, California; Age: 18; Hair: Chestnut brown; Eyes: Mocha; Height: 3’ 1”; Weight: 63 lbs. By the way, Billy is a buck dairy goat, but I trust that won’t disqualify us for marriage eligibility under Mayor Newsom’s new definition of “equal protection.”

Sincerely,

Corky St. Clair


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: California
KEYWORDS: adamandeve; hillarypork; homosexualagenda; notadamandsteve
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1 posted on 02/13/2004 10:40:06 AM PST by Vitamin A
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To: Vitamin A
Naughty naughty hehehe
2 posted on 02/13/2004 10:42:18 AM PST by cynicom
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To: Vitamin A
I guess marrying a goat is okay, as long as you don't have kids.
3 posted on 02/13/2004 10:43:09 AM PST by Agnes Heep
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To: Vitamin A
That is baaaad.
4 posted on 02/13/2004 10:44:02 AM PST by Constitution Day (John Edwards's new campaign slogan: "Vote For Me Or I'll Sue Your Ass Off!")
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To: Agnes Heep
I guess marrying a goat is okay, as long as you don't have kids.
Groan.
5 posted on 02/13/2004 10:44:15 AM PST by NotQuiteCricket (~how do you keep a moron in suspense?)
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To: Agnes Heep
They'd say Daaaaaady.
6 posted on 02/13/2004 10:44:39 AM PST by Dinsdale
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To: Vitamin A
It’s about time we had brave leaders like Mayor Newsom who are willing to give legal effect to their personal interpretation of “equal protection,” instead of waiting for the state’s elected leaders and courts to do so!

The humor is so subdued that it would go right over its intended target's head! BTW, best of luck to Corky and the goat, but be sure that Billy is kept out of sight when Kerry or Clinton are spotted in the area...

7 posted on 02/13/2004 10:45:17 AM PST by HenryLeeII (Kerry is no Clinton - He's got treason AND interns...hey wait a minute, he IS another Clinton!)
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To: NotQuiteCricket
Whatever you do, don't let anybody get your goat.
8 posted on 02/13/2004 10:45:25 AM PST by Chris Talk (What Earth now is, Mars once was. What Mars now is, Earth will become.)
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To: Vitamin A
Most excellent!! I was expecting a horse, but the goat was even better!! Ah, yes....."Billy" ......goat. LOL!
9 posted on 02/13/2004 10:45:30 AM PST by EggsAckley (...............TROLL PATROL...on duty.........................)
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To: Vitamin A
Cradle robber. You're old enough to be the parent of that goat. Sicko.
10 posted on 02/13/2004 10:45:38 AM PST by DouglasKC
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To: Vitamin A
Now, all those guys from Montana can finally marry their sheep!
11 posted on 02/13/2004 10:46:11 AM PST by scooter2
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To: Vitamin A
Let's not leave out our bi/polygamist friends, who will be applying shortly.
12 posted on 02/13/2004 10:47:13 AM PST by cwb (Kerry may have saved one man but he left thousands of others behind)
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To: Vitamin A
Corky must be french....
13 posted on 02/13/2004 10:49:24 AM PST by highnoon (Revenge is a dish best served cold.)
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To: Agnes Heep

14 posted on 02/13/2004 10:51:02 AM PST by EdReform (Support Free Republic - All donations are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support!)
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To: cwboelter
Personally, I'm a Botanysexual.

Ferns really do it for me.
15 posted on 02/13/2004 10:51:03 AM PST by TSgt (I am proudly featured on U.S. Rep Rob Portman's homepage: http://www.house.gov/portman/)
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To: Vitamin A
Swedes have more and more animal sex
Av Øyvind Ludt og Carin Pettersson 26.01.04 12:24
Animal sex is not illegal in Sweden, and every year between 200 and 300 pets are injured because of sexual assaults.


http://pub.tv2.no/nettavisen/english/article177749.ece
16 posted on 02/13/2004 10:51:52 AM PST by Lorianne
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To: Vitamin A
Since I was a little boy in the 1960s, I always had a crush on Francis, the talking mule; that was before I fell in love with Mr. Ed and couldn't get to first base with Francis.
17 posted on 02/13/2004 10:54:41 AM PST by Cobra64 (Babes should wear Bullet Bras - www.BulletBras.net)
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To: Vitamin A
Send a copy to those left wing commies at PETA! that should really generate some smoke.
18 posted on 02/13/2004 10:55:41 AM PST by OldCorps
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To: little jeremiah
LOL! Ping!
19 posted on 02/13/2004 10:55:53 AM PST by EdReform (Support Free Republic - All donations are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support!)
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To: EdReform
bump
20 posted on 02/13/2004 10:56:24 AM PST by LisaMalia (In Memory of James W. Lunsford..KIA 11-29-69 Binh Dinh S. Vietnam)
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To: Agnes Heep
That's b-a-a-a-a-a-aaad!
21 posted on 02/13/2004 10:58:17 AM PST by steveo (Alwyas use you're spell checkor)
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To: Vitamin A

A GOAT???  GROSS!!!
 
I thought Billy was going to be a horse.

 

Owl_Eagle

”Guns Before Butter.”

22 posted on 02/13/2004 10:59:42 AM PST by South Hawthorne (Memories by default...if I can't remember them, surely they were memorable!)
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To: Vitamin A
PETA ain't gonna stand for this.
23 posted on 02/13/2004 11:01:59 AM PST by microgood (Gollum.....Middle Earth's first lawyer.)
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To: Vitamin A

"Here comes the bride..."

24 posted on 02/13/2004 11:02:01 AM PST by BookmanTheJanitor
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To: Lorianne
Animal sex is not illegal in Sweden, and every year between 200 and 300 pets are injured because of sexual assaults.

I can't decide...would PETA be in favor or against this? (It's probably OK with them, as long as the animal isn't eaten.)

More nonsense from the "most socially enlightened country in the world"!

25 posted on 02/13/2004 11:05:40 AM PST by 50sDad (OK, I give in. Visit my website! http://my.oh.voyager.net/~abartmes)
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To: 50sDad
As long as your pet hamster gives consent, I'm sure PETA would be A-OK with it.
26 posted on 02/13/2004 11:07:40 AM PST by Lorianne
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To: Vitamin A

LOL

27 posted on 02/13/2004 11:09:05 AM PST by SAMWolf (Incontinence Hotline, please hold.)
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To: Vitamin A
I hope you don't think this is the first or only one they got!! I bet they have been getting them for years. At least yours wasn't serious!
28 posted on 02/13/2004 11:09:15 AM PST by SpinyNorman
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To: Vitamin A
Rush is talking about these so-called marriages today....he is doing an excellent job.
29 posted on 02/13/2004 11:10:19 AM PST by Lady Eileen
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To: Vitamin A
ROFLOL
30 posted on 02/13/2004 11:12:32 AM PST by dougherty (I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. -Michelangelo)
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To: Vitamin A; B Knotts
By the way, Billy is a buck dairy goat

I have a few bucks. One of them really does love me.

31 posted on 02/13/2004 11:12:50 AM PST by MarMema
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To: Brad's Gramma; glock rocks
Ping
32 posted on 02/13/2004 11:15:38 AM PST by EdReform (Support Free Republic - All donations are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support!)
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To: Vitamin A

The Bride of Clintonstein

33 posted on 02/13/2004 11:15:41 AM PST by Free ThinkerNY (((Be Kind to Animals)))
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To: Vitamin A
The goat lies!
34 posted on 02/13/2004 11:16:48 AM PST by Drango (Liberals give me a rash that even penicillin can't cure.)
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To: Free ThinkerNY; Mo1; Grampa Dave
LOL!
35 posted on 02/13/2004 11:17:22 AM PST by EdReform (Support Free Republic - All donations are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support!)
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To: Vitamin A
...uhh...well...good luck.

...at least it wasn't a chicken...

36 posted on 02/13/2004 11:24:14 AM PST by Khurkris (Ranger On...)
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To: Agnes Heep
I guess marrying a goat is okay, as long as you don't have kids.

Or else they'd have to hire a nanny.

37 posted on 02/13/2004 11:24:27 AM PST by Jonah Hex (Another day, another DU troll.)
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To: EdReform; Gabz; Fawnn; justshe; nicmarlo; NormsRevenge; steveegg; Just another Joe; ...
LOL! Goat? Ha ha ha ha ha

Keep yer friends close...

and yer soulvlaki closer!

38 posted on 02/13/2004 11:35:55 AM PST by glock rocks (Free Mark Martin !)
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To: Constitution Day
That is baaaad.

I think ewe have mixed up goats and sheep.

39 posted on 02/13/2004 11:38:46 AM PST by cinFLA
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To: cinFLA
You're just trying to get my goat, aren't you?
40 posted on 02/13/2004 11:42:09 AM PST by Constitution Day
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To: Vitamin A
If I lived in SF, and I were single, I'd apply to marry my shotgun.
41 posted on 02/13/2004 11:45:37 AM PST by Rytwyng
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To: Vitamin A
By the way, Billy is a buck dairy goat

Well, see, if it was a female goat they'd probably say no. But, seeing as how it's a homosexual (albeit heterospecies) marriage....

42 posted on 02/13/2004 11:48:52 AM PST by r9etb
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To: Free ThinkerNY
She is gross. This picture really does do her justice. BTW...what did that poor pig do to deserve this???
43 posted on 02/13/2004 11:57:05 AM PST by Indie (There really were "the good old days.")
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To: Vitamin A; All
Hands down, this has got to be the funnyest thread I've ever seen at FR! The replies are awesome, too.
44 posted on 02/13/2004 11:57:39 AM PST by myheroesareDeadandRegistered
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To: r9etb
Well, see, if it was a female goat they'd probably say no. But, seeing as how it's a homosexual (albeit heterospecies) marriage....

Homobeastiality.

45 posted on 02/13/2004 11:58:28 AM PST by Agnes Heep
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To: *Homosexual Agenda; EdReform; scripter; GrandMoM; backhoe; Yehuda; Clint N. Suhks; saradippity; ...
Homosexual Agenda Ping!

This is good. I think the SF mayor and whichever office issued the same sex "marriage" licenses should be flooded with letters like these. And maybe even people and their dogs, goats, horses and lamas (and chickens, and bunny rabbits, and turtles, and sheep, and pet tarantulas, etc) can come down to city hall.


Hmmm, maybe people and their mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and so on should apply for licenses too!
46 posted on 02/13/2004 12:06:29 PM PST by little jeremiah (everyone is entitled to their opinion, but everyone isn't entitled to be right.)
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To: Vitamin A
LOL! But what if he accepts your petition?
47 posted on 02/13/2004 12:09:51 PM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Aquinasfan; Vitamin A
LOL! But what if he accepts your petition?

Well, I suppose Corky can always barbeque and eat the little bugger.

48 posted on 02/13/2004 12:13:56 PM PST by r9etb
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To: martin_fierro; Chad Fairbanks
You've probably been pinged already, but...
49 posted on 02/13/2004 12:15:32 PM PST by DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet ("Lashing out" at Democrats since 1990.)
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To: Aquinasfan; Vitamin A
I meant the goat -- not the mayor, whose culinary death I'll leave to his German lover....
50 posted on 02/13/2004 12:16:42 PM PST by r9etb
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