[MamaB]

I went to choir practice Wednesday night and on the way home I really lost it. It hit me like a ton of bricks that Jan would never go with me to the church she had attended since she was 5 years old. I had to drive very slowly the rest of the way home because I could not see how to drive. Both Lynn and I have been having dreams of Jan and like she said they were happy ones. I kept dreaming about her last night and she kept telling me to check on the weather. So I finally turned on the tv and everything was fine. I do not know what the dream was about! One night I dreamed the rest of the family and I were on a large bridge overlooking a big meadow. Jan was in it with lots of toddlers. I remember yelling at her to see if she were ok and she yelled back, "I'm fine". Just wierd dreams with no meaning. I need to call one of my nieces who lives in TN. She and Jan kept in touch every week but I have not talked with her since Jan died. I just can not talk on the phone without crying. I joined a support group on Yahoo. One of my cousins in MS sent me a box of 11 books. One was "Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul" and it really helped.

[gramho12]

Our prayers are with you. I remember a dream I had after my father died. Even though this was 30 years ago, I remember that dream like it was last night. There was a huge, green peaceful meadow, and I saw my 2 dogs who had paassed away running after my father. It gave me such comfort, and even though I still missed my father so much, I was always at peace after that. It was like my father was sending me a message that everything was OK, he was happy, to get on with my life. It took a lot of the pain away.

[DrDeb]

. . . my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

Thank you for being so open about sharing about your grieving process with your FR family.

I hope and pray that God comforts you and that your friends that live near you give you LOTS of hugs and support.

[homemom]

I think your dreams DO have meaning--Jan is telling you she is OK and happy! It's a bit of comfort from God.

[wingnuts'nbolts]

I lost my son when he was 37, and I empathize with your overwhelming sense of loss and the futility of it. Time and faith. That is the only answer. Until time has passed let yourself feel. Crying is good, restorative. You and I cry for our loss, not for the departed who are with God. Consider yourself hugged.

[NordP]

You are in our prayers, MamaB. I'm so sorry you have to experience this. The support group and books will help you with the logical response side of the grieving process, and time will be the other half of the equation. It's comforting to know that others have felt this type of pain, and having people to vent how it feels to, helps, also.

The pain will probably come and go in "waves" too. It just sucks being human sometimes, but know you have those that love you, near.

Here's a blue palm ...blue is a healing color. Big hugs!

[GretchenEE]

Sudden and unexpected deaths leave a lot of emotional business undone. (Been there, big time, when I came home from school at age 16 to learn my mother died unexpectedly a few hours before.) It's very understandable that you're having these dreams; it's giving your mind a venue to work through unfinished business. In time they should diminish as the fullness of this phase sinks in and the adjustment takes hold.

Please keep reminding me -- others may not need the nudge but I do -- on the Dose to pray for you and your family.

About the angels -- what a lovely thing! Look for the serenest, the most protective-looking or whatever quality speaks the most to you. Folks have been giving me angels for years, without knowing that others are doing it. It's a wonderful, blessed reminder that God's "... angels ... Are they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation?" (Hebrews 1:13,14)

[GOP-Pat]

One night I dreamed the rest of the family and I were on a large bridge overlooking a big meadow. Jan was in it with lots of toddlers. I remember yelling at her to see if she were ok and she yelled back, "I'm fine". Just wierd dreams with no meaning.

The meadow stands for PEACE. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. he restoreth my soul.

Please take comfort in that. God Bless you and we're all praying for you.

[Marysecretary]

MamaB, I think the vision you had of Jan is very real. I've had them after people I love have died, usually right after, but they are meant to give you assurance and comfort. That dream HAD meaning. She's telling you SHE'S FINE! But even though we know where our loved ones are, their passing leaves a huge void in our lives. One day the sting of her death will not be as intense.You WILL make it through. The first holidays and anniversaries are the most difficult. Better, more peaceful times are ahead for you.