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I (along with most of the men here) am Retrosexual and proud of it.
Woody's Taxidermy ^ | 4-11-04 | Cutbait Robin

Posted on 04/11/2004 12:05:58 PM PDT by Engine82

I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" The censor took care of this 'un...

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

Pass it on...............


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: beingarealman; guns; hunting; males; men; retrosexual
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1 posted on 04/11/2004 12:05:58 PM PDT by Engine82
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To: Engine82
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

I'm not sure......does this mean I have to give up my leisure suit?

2 posted on 04/11/2004 12:09:19 PM PDT by JimVT (.)
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To: Engine82
Amen, brother.
You've inspired me to smack my wife on the toosh, drink a beer, and eat a steak!
3 posted on 04/11/2004 12:10:01 PM PDT by Gerasimov (Who put all that sand on top of OUR oil, anyway?)
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To: Engine82
Cool! One issue though. The only pet a man can cry over is the death of death his dog.
4 posted on 04/11/2004 12:12:23 PM PDT by notfondajane
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To: Engine82
Well said.

I find that real women love retrosexuals. (Also known as Real Men)

So much of the left is devoted to redefining men and denigrating Real Men.

5 posted on 04/11/2004 12:12:46 PM PDT by marktwain
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To: Engine82
funny! :)
6 posted on 04/11/2004 12:13:23 PM PDT by cubreporter (I trust Rush...he will prevail in spite of the naysayers)
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To: Engine82
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

Another occassion where crying is acceptable is working the biggest bass you've ever hooked up to the top and almost within grasp when it just spits the hook right out, and slowly swims out of sight.

7 posted on 04/11/2004 12:13:40 PM PDT by Vigilantcitizen
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To: Engine82
One more: A Retrosexual has been in at least one bloody, punch-'em-up brawl, with appropriate scars to prove it.
8 posted on 04/11/2004 12:14:42 PM PDT by Long Cut
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To: Engine82
Enough with this (fill-in-the-blank)sexual crap. I'm a man. Me Tarzan, you Jane. THAT's the way it was intended. THAT's the way it shall be. And while we're at it, shove your hyphenated-Americanism up your keister, too.
9 posted on 04/11/2004 12:16:05 PM PDT by Viking2002
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To: Engine82
Here's a retrosexual car:

Ignore the girl.

If you're not retrosexual.

10 posted on 04/11/2004 12:16:38 PM PDT by Jim Noble (Now you go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia!)
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To: Engine82
This is what should be taught in public schools. Not Heather has two mommies!
11 posted on 04/11/2004 12:16:40 PM PDT by MAKOTHEDOG
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To: Engine82
Brilliant, just brilliant.
12 posted on 04/11/2004 12:17:11 PM PDT by ChinaGotTheGoodsOnClinton
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To: f zero
Up your alley.
13 posted on 04/11/2004 12:17:58 PM PDT by pettifogger
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To: Jim Noble
There's a car in that picture? I don't see a car....
14 posted on 04/11/2004 12:19:09 PM PDT by Gerasimov (Who put all that sand on top of OUR oil, anyway?)
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To: Chad Fairbanks; martin_fierro; Scenic Sounds; Texasforever; deport
Manly Man ping!
15 posted on 04/11/2004 12:19:44 PM PDT by DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet ("Lashing out" at Democrats since 1990.)
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To: Engine82
Good one...it is now going out all over the world:)
16 posted on 04/11/2004 12:20:07 PM PDT by international american (Support our troops!! Send Kerry back to Bedlam,Massachusetts!!)
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To: notfondajane
The only pet a man can cry over is the death of death his dog.

Falcons and Pythons also qualify.

17 posted on 04/11/2004 12:20:48 PM PDT by Seruzawa (If you agree with the French raise your hand - If you are French raise both hands.)
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To: Engine82
I love this! But there's one word I don't understand: "Retrosexuals need an endcap"

Please, what is "endcap?"

18 posted on 04/11/2004 12:22:03 PM PDT by EggsAckley (.......John Kerry suffers from delusions of adequacy........)
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To: Jim Noble
What a Car!!
19 posted on 04/11/2004 12:22:33 PM PDT by international american (Support our troops!! Send Kerry back to Bedlam,Massachusetts!!)
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To: Engine82
bump
20 posted on 04/11/2004 12:22:38 PM PDT by Cap'n Crunch
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To: Engine82
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant
woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to
that woman...

When I was about 12 (in the late 50's), I spent several days in a hospital for tests.

One day when my mother was visiting, a female friend of hers stopped in to say hello.

I stayed in bed.

When the friend left, my mother sternly told me that when a woman enters the room, I was to stand up!

I smartly replied, "Well, what if I have a broken leg?" I was convinced I had gotten the best of her.

She looked at me and replied in a very direct manner, "You still stand up!"

All these years later, I stand whenever a woman enters the room (unless she's a liberal, then I deliberately stay seated -- lol!)

21 posted on 04/11/2004 12:25:05 PM PDT by jigsaw (God Bless Our Military.)
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To: Engine82
The only person I know who fits your definition of a retrosexual exactly is my girlfriend.
22 posted on 04/11/2004 12:25:10 PM PDT by bayourod (To 9/11 Commission: Unless you know where those WMDs are, don't bet my life that they don't exist.)
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To: EggsAckley
An endcap is at the end of supermarket aisles, usually grouping things that are on sale.
23 posted on 04/11/2004 12:25:47 PM PDT by MsGail61
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To: DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet
Thanks... and those cars are distracting while I'm trying to watch the Masters......
24 posted on 04/11/2004 12:27:47 PM PDT by deport (("These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I have ever seen. It's scary," Kerry said.)
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To: Engine82
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Real Retrosexual knows how to tie a Four-in-Hand knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Four-in-Hand knot, not a wussie Windsor knot designed for an effiminate fop who resigned his Kingship rather than Deal With It, and hadn't the brains to learn to tie a Four-in-Hand knot.

A Really Real Retrosexual also knows how to drive a Four-in-Hand rig.

So9

25 posted on 04/11/2004 12:27:53 PM PDT by Servant of the 9 (Goldwater Republican)
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To: Engine82
So funny that you post this today.

While my retrosexual husband was channel surfing, I asked him to stop at the crazy show on TLC called Clean Sweep. The gentleman on there said to his wife, " ohhh, look at the window treatments".

I looked at my hubby and said that if you ever say 'window treatments', and you are serious, I'm leaving.

26 posted on 04/11/2004 12:28:38 PM PDT by republicangel
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To: EggsAckley
An endcap is the rack of stuff at the end of an isle in a retail store, not facing the isle itself.

27 posted on 04/11/2004 12:29:11 PM PDT by egarvue (Martin Sheen is not my president...)
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To: international american
What a Car!!

Yeah, and those shock absorbers ain't bad, either.

28 posted on 04/11/2004 12:33:38 PM PDT by Ole Okie (John F'n Kerry: "Just a gigolo, everywhere I go, people know the part I'm playing...")
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To: Eaker; dix; humblegunner; bobbyd; Flyer; RikaStrom; stevie_d_64; TexasCowboy; Xenalyte; thackney; ..
Real man ping
29 posted on 04/11/2004 12:34:43 PM PDT by TheMom
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To: Engine82; All
As a Retrowoman, I applaud Retromen, and loathe sissy-men. A word of warning though...don't become a neandrothal while the pendulum is swinging. Try to hit middle-ground please.
30 posted on 04/11/2004 12:34:55 PM PDT by SnarlinCubBear (...all your .jpg's are belong to me.....)
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To: notfondajane
"Cool! One issue though. The only pet a man can cry over is the death of death his dog."

Any pet is okay in my book, and no shame for it. Well, except maybe the pet goldfish.
31 posted on 04/11/2004 12:35:28 PM PDT by Henrietta
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To: JimVT
I gave my leisure suit to my youngest daughter..

I received it when I graduated. It fits her very well. And, looks very good on her.
(I was 6'3" 150 when I graduated)

She's only 6'2" though.
32 posted on 04/11/2004 12:35:55 PM PDT by stylin_geek (Koffi: 0, G.W. Bush: (I lost count))
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To: Gerasimov
There's a car in that picture? I don't see a car....

Funny, that reminds me of Boortz's Optical Illusion.

www.http://boortz.com/more/optical_illusion.html

33 posted on 04/11/2004 12:37:37 PM PDT by kcar (Who would OBL vote for?)
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To: Engine82
A real Retrosexual uses it as his moniker on FR!
34 posted on 04/11/2004 12:38:06 PM PDT by RetroSexual
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To: Engine82

35 posted on 04/11/2004 12:38:18 PM PDT by Maceman (Too nuanced for a bumper sticker)
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To: Jim Noble
What??!!??!! That piece of British import tin trash isn't a real mans car....THIS is what a true meat eating, woman loving, gun shooting, redblooded retrosexual male drives:



I wouldn't pass on your hood ornament though ;-)
36 posted on 04/11/2004 12:43:54 PM PDT by Arthalion
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Comment #37 Removed by Moderator

To: Engine82
I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

I had enough before I even watched any of this slop that's why I DIDN'T
38 posted on 04/11/2004 12:57:06 PM PDT by uncbob
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To: Jim Noble
I'm not seeing the car either..
39 posted on 04/11/2004 12:59:32 PM PDT by threat matrix
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To: Engine82
You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT.

ROTFL!!

40 posted on 04/11/2004 1:00:31 PM PDT by SuziQ
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To: Engine82
A Retrosexual has a tackle box with lots of broken hooks and lures that we intend to fix....someday...
41 posted on 04/11/2004 1:01:55 PM PDT by Preech1 (He IS your President, now GET OVER IT! (In response to liberal bumper stickers.))
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To: Engine82; B4Ranch; Pete-R-Bilt; tubebender; NormsRevenge; ChefKeith; Squantos; Eaker; ...
Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control.

Dunno, I might be moved to tears if my remote hit the wall.

42 posted on 04/11/2004 1:04:38 PM PDT by glock rocks (Please pray for our men and women in harms way - and the families awaiting their return)
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To: Engine82
After reading this I have a sudden need to get a beer and some chips and sit down to watch my "The Searchers" vidio again.
43 posted on 04/11/2004 1:23:31 PM PDT by fella
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To: Engine82
I prefer the term suburbansexual. A suburbansexual is a guy (like me) who wears jeans and flannel shirts while doing yard work on the weekends. Drives a pickup truck or at least an SUV. Has a garage with tools and does own oil changes. Has shed with at least half a dozen gas-powered things (lawn mower, weed wacker, leaf blower, snowblower, wood chipper, etc.). Doesn't go to fancy restaurants and doesn't order drinks with umbrellas in them. Cooks on the grill at least 10 months a year and knows what to do with a T-bone. Buys beer by the case. And so on.

There is also the ruralsexual, which I hope to be when my kids grow up. I'll plant a double-wide on some rural plot of land and spend my days clearing brush, chopping wood, pouring gasoline down fire ant hills and sitting on my front porch with a glass of iced-tea strumming my banjo. Maybe I'll even chew some tobacco or take up a pipe. That'll be me in just a few more years when I inherit my parents land down in Alabama.

44 posted on 04/11/2004 1:30:25 PM PDT by SamAdams76 (I'm voting for John Kerry until I vote against him in November)
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To: Engine82
NO doubt about it. The post of the day.
45 posted on 04/11/2004 1:31:58 PM PDT by dix (Remember the Alamo, and God bless Texas)
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To: alabamaqueen
Oh, you are so on the mark. Retrosexual men are THE sexiest men around. I hate all those wussy men on TV too!!! Give me a real man than I can feel safe with and that I know will protect me from anyone. Yeah...the best!!!!
46 posted on 04/11/2004 1:37:14 PM PDT by codyjacksmom
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To: Engine82
Retrosexual sounds equivalent to most of our freeper guys!

Lovin' it!
47 posted on 04/11/2004 1:39:32 PM PDT by MaryFromMichigan (We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in)
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To: Arthalion
That car is not for men only. The old Camaro's are the best.
48 posted on 04/11/2004 1:40:12 PM PDT by codyjacksmom
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To: dakine
Manly man ping....more comments needed.
49 posted on 04/11/2004 1:43:26 PM PDT by codyjacksmom
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To: Engine82
Bumped and passed along to my macho friends out there. :-)
50 posted on 04/11/2004 1:44:04 PM PDT by NotJustAnotherPrettyFace (Michael <a href = "http://www.michaelmoore.com/" title="Miserable Failure">"Miserable Failure"</a>)
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