I am the very model of a presidential candidate

Once more into the breech, and into the valley of death:

I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
From character to senator I know what to assassinate.
I lobby for the victims of injustice and adversity,
And care for those unfortunates who lack my great diversity.
I've slept with movie starlets and I've yachted with the Kennedys,
I've copied their initials and I've shared in their amenities.
And in the field of foreign wars my service is distinguishèd,
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

I'm boarding schooled and prepped and preened in snowy neutral Switzerland,
My haircuts and my super facials put me out at least a grand.
My visage in the mirror never ceases me to fascinate;
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.

In short his mirror visage never ceases him to fascinate;
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

I married very well and proper, and I married nearly twice,
The number one had tons of money, and the kids they say are nice.
she was, advancing my career, annulled, but she remains a friend,
My second wife is richer still, and she is such a major brand.
My marriage and my intellectual positioning are pairs;
I'm married to ideas so long as they're attached to billionaires;
The nuances of laws and things are strewn among my haws and hems;
I'm very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.

He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.
He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.
He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
In matters war and peaceful I will always spin and vacillate.
I have a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands;
And ghosts fly out of Arkansaw, opposing me and my demands.

He has a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands;
And ghosts fly out of Arkansaw, opposing him and his demands.

When I become the president our kind can safely then inhale,
Unless a vast conspiracy of right wingers out on bail,
Demands a foolish fair election in a horrid third world state,
Or tries to overthrow a brutal and oppressive potentate,
Humiliates or disrespects a terr'ist or a tyrant lord,
Or fails to fly the white surrender banner for the mouse that roared;
I will This mad cabal remand and will severely castigate,
Unless to the U.N. or my successor I can delegate.

Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate;
I'm patriotic to a fault and never would renunciate;
I never would betray you and I never would equivocate.
My brain, when I am making big decisions, it can herniate.

His brain, when he is making big decisions, it can herniate.
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

Hope you're not getting tired of my critiques. I do think things are improving a lot. I'd consider the first full verse basically perfect. The first and last couplets aren't perfect triple rhymes, but G&S's "general" and "mineral" were pretty iffy too. Overall, simply brilliant [minor nits: (1) the last word of the third line should be "extinguish-inguishèd" to keep with how G&S did it though many librettos of IATVMOAMMG don't mangle the last word of the third line of each chorus to match the way it's sung; (2) To match the original form more closely, the chorus line would be "His visage in the mirror never ceases him to fascinate"].

I married very well and proper, and I married nearly twice, 
The number one had tons of money, and the kids they say are nice. 
she was, advancing my career, annulled, but she remains a friend, 
My second wife is richer still, and she is such a major brand.

The first line is a considerable improvement, though I must confest to some confusion about what is meant by "nearly twice"? Does the first marriage not count because of the annulment? In any case, scansion is fine. The second line is also a big improvement.

Scansion on the third line is fine, but grammatically it just doesn't work. Perhaps "That marriage was, for my carreer, annuled, but she remains a friend"? Fourth line is pretty good but I don't like "such"--ch's can be difficult to sing well. Perhaps "and also is a"?

My marriage and my intellectual positioning are pairs; 
I'm married to ideas so long as they're attached to billionaires; 
The nuances of laws and things are strewn among my haws and hems; 
I'm very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.

Well, you've moved "intellectual" so it no longer starts on the second syllable. Unfortunately, the sixth doesn't really work either. Fourth or eigth would be much better. Perhaps "My marriage and positions intellectual are really pairs"? Very difficult line given that some of the words are wonderful but they're constrained to awkward places. Second line is a nice improvement. Third line I think I liked better in the previous revision. Fourth line is an improvement though if you could shift "pliable" so it was sung on rising pitches rather than falling it might be better still. "Play upon the Thames" seems like a bit of a stretch as an allusion, though. >:*3

I am the very model of a presidential candidate, 
In matters war and peaceful I will always spin and vacillate. 
I have a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands; 
And ghosts fly out of Arkansaw, opposing me and my demands.

Nice pair of couplets, though to keep with the original form I would sugget re-ordering them 3,4,2,1 (using lines 2 and 1 for the chorus, with suitable pronoun substitutions).

Your next stanza is brilliant, though the second line is a syllable short (perhaps "made of right wingers"?) The seventh line "will" seems awkward to sing for some reason; would "then" work?

I am the very model of a presidential candidate; 
I'm patriotic to a fault and never would renunciate; 
I never would betray you and I never would equivocate. 
My brain, when I am making big decisions, it can herniate.

As with the second half of the second verse, a 3-4-2-1 line re-ordering would be good here. The "patriotic to a fault" would make a great penultimate line. The line you have fourth (which would become second) is a bit awkward. Perhaps something like "Although when making big decisions my poor brain can herniate"?

I like the way your song is coming along. Hope I'm not being too pushy in my suggestions.

Rode hard and put away wet:

I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
From character to senator I know what to assassinate.
I lobby for the victims of injustice and adversity,
And care for those unfortunates who lack my great diversity.
I've slept with movie starlets and I've yachted with the Kennedys,
I've copied their initials and I've shared in their amenities.
And in the field of foreign wars my service is distinguishèd,
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

I'm boarding schooled and prepped and preened in snowy neutral Switzerland,
My haircuts and my super facials put me out at least a grand.
My visage in the mirror never ceases me to fascinate;
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.

His visage in the mirror never ceases him to fascinate;
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

I married very well and proper, and I married kind of twice.
The first wife, she had tons of money, and the kids they say are nice.
This was, advancing my career, anulled, but she remains a friend.
My second wife is richer still, and she is such a major brand.
Two marriages can easily as two conflicting thoughts be hatched;
I'm married to ideas whenever they're to billionaires attached;
The nuances of laws and things are strewn among my haws and hems;
I'm so cerebral sauve and subtle, like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.

He's so cerebral sauve and subtle, like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.
He's so cerebral sauve and subtle, like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.
He's so cerebral sauve and subtle, like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.

I have a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands;
And ghosts fly out of Arkansas, opposing me and my demands.
In matters war and peaceful I will always spin and vacillate.
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.

In matters war and peaceful he will always spin and vacillate.
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

If I become the president our kind could safely then inhale,
Unless a vast conspiracy releases the right wing on bail,
Demands a foolish fair election in a horrid third world state,
Or tries to overthrow a brutal and oppressive potentate,
Humiliates or disrespects a terr'ist or a tyrant lord,
Or fails to fly the white surrender banner for the mouse that roared;
I would this mad cabal remand and would severely castigate,
Unless to the U.N. or my successor I could delegate.

Unless to the U.N. or his successor he could delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he could delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he could delegate.

I never would betray you and I never would equivocate.
I'm patriotic to a fault and never would renunciate;
My brain, when I am making big decisions, it can herniate.
I am the very model of a presidential candidate;

His brain, when he is making big decisions, it can herniate.
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

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