I am the very model of a presidential candidate

Self | 5/5/04 | Self

[Focault's Pendulum]

Ya gota do one to G&S's "I Am a Pirate King!"

[general_re]

"Information vegetable, animal, and mineral" ping...

[js1138]

Lord Hamlet probably should be Prince Hamlet. It was pretty late at night. But the Globe Theater was in London, not Denmark.

You will have to pry the rhyme of hems and Thames out of my cold dead typewriter fingers.

[VadeRetro]

When I was a lad I served a term
In Vietnam, which made me squirm.
I cruised the rivers and patroled the shore.
'Till I had three scratches and could leave the war!

(Till he had three scratches and could leave the war!)

I counted my scratches so cleverly
That now I'm in the running for the presidency!

(He counted his scratches so cleverly
That now he's in the running for the presidency!)

When I got back, I made my picks
Knowing that my future lay in politics.
To side with Nixon was no choice
When Fonda had the popular voice!

(When Fonda had the popular voice!)

That anti-war movement was so good for me,
That now I'm in the running for the presidency!

(That anti-war movement was so good for he,
That now he's in the running for the presidency!)

I testified in the congress house!
Nixon thought I was just a louse!
My brothers-in-arms I accused of crimes
But certainly I was part of the times!

(But certainly he was part of the times!)

I tossed my ribbons so effortlessly
That now I'm in the running for the presidency!

(He tossed his ribbons so effortlessly
That now he's in the running for the presidency!)

My anti-war group to move the nation
Made plots about assassination.
We thought we'd just kill five or so,
But ultimately we said, "No go!"

(But ultimately they said, "No go!")

And none of that got linked to me
So now I'm in the running for the presidency!

(And none of that got linked to he,
So now he's in the running for the presidency!)

For Mikey D. I was lieutenant gov,
In a state that only a commie could love.
But that's not what I was priming for
So soon I ran for Senator!

(So soon he ran for Senator!)

My run to the left so worked for me,
That now I'm in the running for the presidency!

(His run to the left so worked for he,
That now he's in the running for the presidency!)

As Senator from a far-left state
I found Nicaragua on my plate!
I coddled Danny and hindered Ron.
Where have my Sandinistas gone!?

(Where have his Sandinistas gone?)

And I tried to abolish the DoD,
Yet still I'm in the running for the presidency!

(He tried to abolish the DoD,
Yet still he's in the running for the presidency!)

The moral here you may suspect,
Is to be politically correct!
It matters little what you do,
Your posturing is what labels you!

(Your posturing is what labels you!)

Keep a finger to the wind, perhaps you'll see
That you all may be running for the presidency!

(Keep a finger to the wind, perhaps you'll see
That you all may be running for the presidency!)

[js1138]

Your notes are noted. It was 2:00 am, and time to get something out the door.

[threat matrix]

The SCOTUS chief justice approves of this song..a big Gilbert and Sullivan fan

[js1138]

Tim Robbins better watch out. FR is Broadway bound.

[kevkrom]

Self-ping for reference...

If and when I ever get around to updating the Songbook, would you mind if I included this?

[kevkrom]

Same ofer goes for you, too. :) (What's the original song you're parodying here?)

[CholeraJoe]

Gilbert and Sullivan are rolling in their graves.

[VadeRetro]

(What's the original song you're parodying here?)

"When I was a Lad" from HMS Pinafore. I'd be delighted to be included your songbook.

[O.C. - Old Cracker]

Hilarious! My wife and I are Gilbert & Sullivan fans. Thanks, js1138!

[O.C. - Old Cracker]

Pompous twit.

[VadeRetro]

Tim Robbins better watch out.

Tim Robbins should be proud. His success is an inspiration to no-talent amateurs everywhere. (Not to mention that his bio gives hope to ugly old women.)

[Darksheare]

Thanks for the ping!

And well done!

[Shryke]

Not bad, old chap, not bad. I've added a keyword. I believe you've earned a nickname - how does the Bard sound?

[js1138]

Pompous twit.

Nah.

I wish I'd had teachers who could constructively criticise. I worked pretty hard to get the meter right, but reached a point where I thought it was better to publish than lose interest.

I'll be back.

[PatrickHenry]

I cannot match your accomplishment. So I offer a haiku (form 5-7-5):

President Kerry?
The Founders' dream forsaken,
Melancholy thought.

[kevkrom]

Ya gota do one to G&S's "I Am a Pirate King!"

I AM A VIET VET ("I Am a Pirate King")
======================================

Oh, better far to live than die 
As about my wounds I lie, 
And play my sanctimonious parts 
With a silver star and three purple hearts. 
Away to the stateside world I flew, 
Where gigolos are well-to-do; 
Then I did exploit the life I've set, 
And live and die a Viet Vet. 
For I am a Viet Vet! 
And it is, it is how I hedge my bet
I am a Viet Vet! 
For I am a Viet Vet! 

(You are! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet!)

And it is, it is how I hedge my bet 
I am a Viet Vet. 

(It is! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet!)

When I sally to be President
I treat myself with a royal bent. 
I never fall, it's true, you see
Unless I'm tripped by an S.O.B;
For thrity years in D.C. I've got
A record of doing diddley-squat;
Just watch me keep the focus on
My four-month tour in Vietnam!
For I am a Viet Vet! 
And it is, it is how I hedge my bet 
I am a Viet Vet! 
For I am a Viet Vet! 

(You are! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet!)

And it is, it is how I hedge my bet 
I am a Viet Vet. 

(It is! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet! 
Hurrah for the Viet Vet!)

[fortunecookie]

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. I will be humming this all day. Can't wait till my son gets home from school - he'll love it, too!