The Secret Lives of Wives [Newsweek celebrates adultery by liberated women.]

Newsweek via MSNBC ^ | 05JUL04 | Lorraine Ali and Lisa Miller

[familyop]

July 12 issue - When groups of women get together, especially if they're mothers and have been married for more than six or seven years, and especially if there's alcohol involved, the conversation is usually the same. They talk about the kids and work—how stressed they are, how busy and bone tired. They gripe about their husbands and, if they're being perfectly honest and the wine kicks in, they talk about the disappointments in their marriages. Not long ago, over lunch in Los Angeles, this conversation took a surprising turn, when Erin, who is in her early 40s and has been married for more than a decade, spilled it. She was seeing someone else. Actually, more than one person. It started with an old friend, whom she began meeting every several months for long dinners and some heavy petting. Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kiss—well, actually, make out with—men she met on business trips. She understands it's a "Clintonian" distinction, but she won't have sex with anyone except her husband, whom she loves. But she also loves the unexpected thrill of meeting someone new. "Do you remember?" She pauses. "I don't know how long you've been married, but do you remember the kiss that would just launch a thousand kisses?"

[Axeslinger]

Pick a girl who doesn't bash ex boyfriends and whose friends don't sit around bitching. Pick a girl who has friends who are happily married. One who doesn't gossip. One who doesn't threaten to leave you all the time. One who is well grounded in life, has interests, hobbies. One who is cheerful and optimistic. One who goes to Church. From an intact family. One with sibs. One who has a sense of humor, is tolerant of your foibles and thinks they are cute and who isn't afraid to say what she thinks. You can't go wrong that way.

I didn't know you knew my wife! And, yes, I know how incredibly lucky I am.

[Alia]

've since met women who turned out to be the exceptions to that belief. Now Newsweek's article seems to say that what I thought was the exception has now become the norm.

Be of good faith; the article is actually covering a "social virus" among some females. I agree with CajunGirl's assessment of "the why" behind the wifey Monthy-Python scripting. The vast majority of women, in 20s, 30s, and 40s however, do hold themselves to higher standards than the females in this article. IME, of course. The woman in this article is "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" and because she can't handle the mediocrities of life; which pass. Most women, particularly mothers, are glad when times are slow and routine, IME!! lol

[driftless]

The writers of this article didn't make their anti-male bias too obvious did they? (ha,ha) Yes, all recently married women with children lead horrible lives thanks to their awful husbands who treat them like dirt. So naturally it's only understandable that they cheat on their husbands because their filthy, women-hating, oppressive mates treat them in a terrible way. That's what these obviously NOW-loving scribblers really wanted to say.

[foolscap]

I am a single woman and most of my female friends are also. It is interesting to see that many of them are involved with married men. They tend to feel there is something wrong with me that I will not do likewise. My reply to this is that most own sense of self respect will not allow me to be involved with a man who is committed to another. I tell them they are on a no win path which they usually don't see until it becomes real to them. There is nothing like spending all your holidays alone or having a partner who you can not turn to in times of trouble because his wife might find out.

This guys all say the same thing "My wife is cold" or "My wife does not understand me" or "My wife will take the house if I get divorced" or "We are together for the kids" or "My wife and I have not has sex in 15 years" The list is endlessly repetitive. I look at it from the point of view that if your wife is bearing your children, cleaning your house, cooking your meals, and usually working a job and putting out when your in the mood what more do you want. Don't these women deserve some respect simply for the amount of work they do?

My friends cannot see this because they buy these guys stories.They feel I am something of a loser because I'd rather be alone than be someone's piece on the side. It's a pity they have so little respect for themselves and are so afraid of being alone that they will give themselves to the lowest bidder. What my friends don't get is that if these men did divorce it does not mean they will come running to them. In fact usually the opposite is true.

[grellis]

When my married sisters and I get together over a few beers, well first of all, our husbands are in the next room (not that their proximity would really curb our honesty). Our number one kvetch? Having to deal with pain in the butt contractors. We also discuss our pain in the butt neighbors, the high price of this and that, how poorly the Tigers are doing lately...we complain about everything including the kitchen sink, but never about our husbands or families. We're so boring, actually loving our spouses. Ssssnoooooore!

[Alia]

Dear Family Op; it's a good article you posted, and thanks. Over a period of 3 years, I observed two once close "girl friends" go exactly the path described in the article. Firsthand insight here; these women had nothing substantive to complain about - No money worries; hubbies fixed everything, hubbies were devoted to the children. Took vacations regularly; drove new if not excellent cars. I guess they thought it was a "lifestyle" (seeing other men) they could maintain. It devastated both sets of children, ultimately. One thing; both women were fun women. Meaning, they lived for the good times. Neither women had much of a deeper inner sense of direction or perspective; outside of shopping; and looking "good" when stacked against the Jones's. Even on a court stand, one woman openly admitted to her adultery; (which is why hubby was seeking to dissolve the marriage); still, the courts nearly granted the offending parent (the female) full custody of the children.

And never forget: It' "just sex". Clinton legacy and repercussions yet continue.

[grellis]

Maybe newsweek is totally corrupt. Women aren't. Newsweek is.

Hear here!

[Alia]

are so afraid of being alone that they will give themselves to the lowest bidder.

Perfectly right on target. What you've said is what I mean in another post by these women having "no inner life" and "self-direction". They don't know what to do with themselves; they can't handle being "alone" with no passion-driven directives. Years ago, the women I described in my post -- I tried to get them involved in politics; education, candidates, issues. Worked for a while; but when they realized there were actual risks and actual work involved -- VOOP! They were gone. But in re affairs? They can usually blame someone else, easily, for their behaviors.

[foolscap]

Veronica, now 35, took up with a wealthy businessman she met at a Dallas nightclub. Her lover gave her everything her husband didn't: compliments, Tiffany jewelry, flowers and love notes. It was, in fact, the flowers that did her in.

Isn't that a sad commentary. Romantic gestures are nice but over all they are meaningless. I have never been very impressed with the hearts and flowers routine. I'd vastly prefer someone who was a good friend who I could actually talk to. The sort of junk she is falling for does not last but she is throwing away her husband and children for an illusion. People seem to think that happiness in relationships should be handed to them on a silver platter with no effort on their part. These women are chasing after a myth that does not exist. If they actually married these guys they would find that after a time life again would become boring again. That's just the way it is. It is once you get past all the romantic dreams that one can actually get down to the real business of learning to love.

[Sam's Army]

Would I be correct in assuming that God is not in these peoples' lives at this moment?

[HenryLeeII]

Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kiss—well, actually, make out with—men she met on business trips. She understands it's a "Clintonian" distinction, but she won't have sex with anyone except her husband, whom she loves.

Let me start off by saying that I do not condone rape or date rape, but "Erin" is playing with fire because some men don't understand her little "Clintonian" distinction, and aren't going to stop at heavy petting (people such as Clinton, himself, who is known to have forced himself on Juanita Broaderick and possibly others).

[HenryLeeII]

I can't understand why there is no mention about the effects on children when there is infidelity within a marriage. That is ridiculous.

That's next week's article: "Children are Better off in Gay Marriages/Gays more stable, less likely to cheat"! Look for it at your local newstand...

[foolscap]

Years ago, the women I described in my post -- I tried to get them involved in politics; education, candidates, issues. Worked for a while; but when they realized there were actual risks and actual work involved -- VOOP! They were gone.

I've seen a lot of that too. It's very baffling Maybe it comes from the thing that many women just can't think logically. They see themselves as emotive beings and are just run around in circles by their own emotional ups and downs. This is not totally their fault. I have noticed that many men do not like women who can think either. They will complain about their moods etc. but if a gal can out think them many have no idea what to do with that. They often see it as competition. From my experience intelligent women have a big mark against them overall on the dating market. Thankfully not all men are like that but from my experience I have found that the majority are. I seem to have a basic inability to make cow eyes at a man who has no interest outside what was on tv or has political or religious beliefs that are not thought through but simply handed to them. I don't really care if I meet a man who's ideas are different from mine as long as they have some indication that they are actively using their frontal lobe. Finding men like that is very difficult.

[foolscap]

These are church going people and look wonderful from the outside. Much more of this goes on the churches than one would think. Of course going to church and having a real spiritual understanding have little in common. I do not attend church and oddly enough these same women are the ones on my case for not doing so. Go figure.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

I love how Clinton's name is sprinkled all over that story. What a legacy that man left . . .

[DarthVader]

Your friends are going to get burned mucho bundo. God hates this and is starting to dish it out on people that do this. I have been witness to this. People lose jobs,families, and the relationship that causes this fails miserably too. Statistics point out a 97% failure rate. Your friends should learn that the patience of God is not to be mistaken for lieniency. He is only giving them time to repent before He disciplines them. Keep up the good work you have your head on straight and will be rewarded.

[Banjoguy]

Right on. I married a woman whose family were Pennsylvania farmers; simple wholesome values, reasonable expectations, partnership and family oriented, and a more loving spouse you could not find. She gets ALL my love, respect, obedience and devotion.

Incidently, to respond another posting here.....I am not a dog. I know who I am. I could never entertain the notion of firtatiousness or sex with another woman. That part of me belongs to only one person, i.e. my wife...(married 14 years.)

[RinaseaofDs]

Why can't you understand it? These are liberals. Where is the mention of the child when the violins play and the rationale is, "I'm too young to have a child", or "I have my whole life ahead of me", or "It's not fair that he moves on and I have the entire responsibility of raising a child" as justification for murder?

The smartest liberal loses in debate to the slowest conservative. Logic is to liberals as water to the Wicked Witch of the West.

[AnAmericanMother]

Mrs. Tilden bump!!

Wasn't Moses Hull mixed up with the Claflin sisters (Tennie C. and Victoria Claflin Woodhull) somehow?