Posted on 07/06/2004 4:00:03 AM PDT by familyop
July 12 issue - When groups of women get together, especially if they're mothers and have been married for more than six or seven years, and especially if there's alcohol involved, the conversation is usually the same. They talk about the kids and work—how stressed they are, how busy and bone tired. They gripe about their husbands and, if they're being perfectly honest and the wine kicks in, they talk about the disappointments in their marriages. Not long ago, over lunch in Los Angeles, this conversation took a surprising turn, when Erin, who is in her early 40s and has been married for more than a decade, spilled it. She was seeing someone else. Actually, more than one person. It started with an old friend, whom she began meeting every several months for long dinners and some heavy petting. Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kiss—well, actually, make out with—men she met on business trips. She understands it's a "Clintonian" distinction, but she won't have sex with anyone except her husband, whom she loves. But she also loves the unexpected thrill of meeting someone new. "Do you remember?" She pauses. "I don't know how long you've been married, but do you remember the kiss that would just launch a thousand kisses?"
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
There's much more about it behind the link to the news page--several more pages about it. ...really evil stuff but so much a part of what most in our nation not only legalized a long time ago, but seem to want.
I have seen this often over the years. I think it has to do more with selfishness than anything else. I've seen marriages collapse when spouses are confronted by the sheer mediocrity of life decade after decade, when problems arise, when the future simply doesn't match youthful expectations.
The concept of marriage as a joining, or oneness has suffered as both seek a singular path rather than being partners and helping each other grow. Material pursuits often take precedence over the family or the individual. I realize that houses are obscenely expensive and cars cost as much as my first home, but there has to be a limit on grasping for things rather than providing for family.
Newly marrieds often want things now that have taken decades for us to acquire over time.
There are limits in life. There is the progression of time and the unveiling of character over decades. Impatience and selfishness have to be overcome in order to create a lasting marriage.
I don't see that happening in the future. Each generation seems to be more obsessed with self-fulfillment rather than working to overcome difficulties that inevitably arise when two people marry.
That's a good analysis.
And on feminism, my intent is not to aim criticism only at women or at all women. Men have been involved in feminism from the beginning of it--Henry Beecher, Moses Hull and others (preachers who rationalized adultery and called it "love"). Many feminists even credit Charles Fourier as being their Founder. It was all a part of romanticism.
Okay. She is stealing from him, she is Cheating on him and she is abusing him. But she claims to "love" him.
If that is love I don't want to know what she calls hate. Humans can be a sick bunch.
again, the attempt of the press to define deviancy down. I do note and have for years that when a group of women get together, especially young ones, they all bash husbands. I decided loong ago it was a strange way of warniing other women away. Like, my hubby is so bad you couldn't possibly be interested in him. And I think some women bond by being victims together, to sort of defuse the envy thing. Nothing keeps a woman from envying you quite like complaining you are fat, have bad hair and your husband is a drudge. And envy between women and among women can be poisonous. That said, I advise my daughters to keep away from women who whine, complain and bash their husbands and kids,,they are a major downer. And avoid women who cheat. But I doubt cheating is that common among young women with kids,,,heck, they don't have time or libido. I thinnk this article is a lie.
I can't understand why there is no mention about the effects on children when there is infidelity within a marriage. That is ridiculous.
lol, probably true. I don't think the article is a lie--I think this chick doesn't do anything, ie marriage, kids, work, etc, --good.
I am currently on the dating sidelines and this article "confirms" some of my darker suspicions about women and fuels my distrust. I know men are dogs, but I used to believe women lived to a higher standard.
I've since met women who turned out to be the exceptions to that belief. Now Newsweek's article seems to say that what I thought was the exception has now become the norm.
Somehow I don't see her husband agreeing with her definition of love ... or "sex" for that matter.
Pick a girl who doesn't bash ex boyfriends and whose friends don't sit around bitching. Pick a girl who has friends who are happily married. One who doesn't gossip. One who doesn't threaten to leave you all the time. One who is well grounded in life, has interests, hobbies. One who is cheerful and optimistic. One who goes to Church. From an intact family. One with sibs. One who has a sense of humor, is tolerant of your foibles and thinks they are cute and who isn't afraid to say what she thinks. You can't go wrong that way.
I hadn't read newseek in years. This weekend I took the fiance to her stylist and was stuck there for a while. Not a 'Field and Stream' in the place. I read newsweek with a fascination...I had not known how horrendously biased it was. Everything reeked of, I don't want to say lefty partisanship, because it was deeper than that...it was the philosophical premises underlying socialism/communism/leftism/liberalism. Every sentence. I hadn't known how bad it was, as I abandoned it long before.
The only place I see the rag any more is in doctors' offices. No wonder hypertension is on the rise.
Maybe newsweek wants you to start out in marriage accepting cheating. Maybe the mag wants you to just turn off women totally. Maybe newsweek wants young women to get on the cheatiing bandwagon thus multiplying societal ills thus increasing readership. Maybe newsweek is totally corrupt. Women aren't. Newsweek is.
Well said!
You are so right. I note the title of the article refers to a popular book, The Secret Life of Bees, a bestseller. I read it. It is a treatise on the evil of men, the main character worships a female God, the underlying message of the book is feminist, lesbian and profoundly anti male. Not surprising Newsweek used that come on as the book is loved by women who don't understand what kind of crap they are reading.
"I had an affair before remembering it wasn't an affair."
Go to small-town or rural America and you might have a better chance of finding someone with your values. The hordes of women who watched "Sex in the City" with envy are not the soulmates of decent men.
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