I am John Kerry. I want to be your President

I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN. I'm against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war. So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...

I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the San Francisco mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.

I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.

I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure. I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.

I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But I am a war hero. Against the war.

I stated I threw my medals away then I threw my ribbons away. I then revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals, then lately I stated that I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything of mine away.

I believe Ribbons and medals aren't the same thing. Medals come with ribbons, so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the same thing besides the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are medal.

I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.

Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn't kill Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter. I support Mideast peace.

I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my family is worth 700 million dollars has a jet and many SUVs. I am the common man.

I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir. Heinz has most factories offshore. I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs as long as it is not Heinz.

I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small business owners out of town. I am a capitalist and I own part of Wal-Mart but I am a good guy for small corporate America.

I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI. Teresa owns SUVs, I don't, when I talk to tree hugging followers. I have a campaign jet that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.

I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections. I defended a draft dodger Clinton and stated that all serve in their own capacity whether they draft dodge or not. Did I mention, I served in Vietnam and am a hero? Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam. My opponent didn't. I have three purple hearts! I am a hero. I am qualified to run this country since I served.

I spent christmas of 1968 in Cambodia, being shot at by the drunken South Vietnamese and the Khmer Rouge, while president Nixon was lying to the country and saying that there were no troops in Cambodia. What's that you say, Nixon wasn't president in 1968, well it must have been some other president then. Who was that president with the a phony silver star, it was probably him.

Are you sure the Khmer Rouge were not active until 1970, well I guess I must not have been there then. That's right I was actually in my basecamp in Vietnam at least 55 miles from the Cambodian border and I spent the evening writing in my journal about being in Cambodia. I got confused after I said it so many times between 1968 and 1986.

I am a real hero though, just spend three minutes with the people who served with me and they will tell you. No, not those 200 plus veterans who served with me and say I lied, and not all those veterans that signed affadavits that say I am a phony, I mean just these 8 people that travel around with me (my band of brothers).

2 posted on 08/26/2004 11:02:32 AM PDT by smith288 (http://www.ejsmithweb.com/fr/newsoldier/)

3 posted on 08/26/2004 11:04:19 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy (The Fourth Estate is a Fifth Column)

Well.

There.

I FINALLY know what he stands for. Phew. I was starting to worry about that little ditty.

4 posted on 08/26/2004 11:15:11 AM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

5 posted on 08/26/2004 11:21:58 AM PDT by Hildy (John Edwards is to Dick Cheney what Potsie was to the Fonz.)

Well? It's always nice to know where an opponent stands!

I've emailed this to a buddy at my work. He's going to print it out and put it on the counter out front. We have one lib and a couple of "Bush and Kerry are the same, where's the WMD?" people.

If he doesn't do as told, I'll break both of his arms tomorrow when I get there.

:-)

6 posted on 08/26/2004 11:27:49 AM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

7 posted on 08/26/2004 1:35:39 PM PDT by Hildy (John Edwards is to Dick Cheney what Potsie was to the Fonz.)

The band of brothers who've either been paid off or have been promised lucrative jobs in a Kerry administration.

LOL!
Didn't come from one of your lib friends, right?

9 posted on 08/26/2004 1:39:49 PM PDT by onyx (JohnKerry -- the standard bearer for the unbearable)

10 posted on 08/26/2004 1:41:52 PM PDT by Ciexyz ("FR, best viewed with a budgie on hand")

11 posted on 08/26/2004 1:45:41 PM PDT by dyed_in_the_wool (John Kerry: His 4.5 months in Viet Nam qualify him to do EVERYTHING)

Kerry Truths! Unveiled for the FIRST TIME! Come One! Come All!

12 posted on 08/26/2004 4:24:51 PM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

13 posted on 08/26/2004 4:26:26 PM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

I just signed back on...how'd he do and what did he talk about???

14 posted on 08/26/2004 4:37:23 PM PDT by Hildy (John Edwards is to Dick Cheney what Potsie was to the Fonz.)

I got distracted, right after I heard he & Hugh talking about how nice it was to meet each other. (gulp)

15 posted on 08/26/2004 4:38:16 PM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

16 posted on 08/26/2004 7:17:00 PM PDT by Hildy (John Edwards is to Dick Cheney what Potsie was to the Fonz.)

BTTT cuz if this could tick off a lib at my my work, think of the libs who are lurking and NEED to see this!

Yea! Vote for Kerry! He knows where he stands! Yea!

17 posted on 08/27/2004 6:04:36 PM PDT by Brad’s Gramma (If only hamsters could talk...THEY'D tell you the truth that Upland IS in Pennsylvania!)

Great read and sooooo true! Thanks for posting.

18 posted on 08/27/2004 6:08:34 PM PDT by LisaMalia (In Memory of Sgt. James W."Billy" Lunsford..KIA 11-29-69 Binh Dinh S. Vietnam)

I am John Kerry. I want to be your President

I want a pony.

19 posted on 08/27/2004 6:09:29 PM PDT by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)

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