Posted on 09/22/2004 7:23:18 PM PDT by Indy Pendance
John Kerry is hot.
It’s not what you’ve been hearing, I know, but it’s true. The man’s a stud.
He’s old enough to be my father (technically, he’s old enough to be my grandfather—he just happens to be sixty, the same as my dad), so I can’t honestly say that he gets my heart a-racin’ the way that, say, Johnny Depp does.
But if I were an older and checking out prospects in the political world, where men of power and import reside, John Kerry would be at the top of my list.
He does things, like kite surfing, that signal prowess when undertaken by much younger men, and he does them well. He’s windsurfed from Cape Cod to Nantucket four times, a feat that takes six hours. He flies small planes; he rides a Harley Davidson (previously a Ducati, that most sexy of Italian motorcycles); he skis, sails, and plays ice hockey. He’s dated Hollywood actresses, was once married to an eccentric rich-girl-poet, and is currently married to a sassy heiress with an accent. Not since Kennedy—the original JFK—have we seen a politician with this kind of glamorous repertoire.
With money (which he has a great deal of) and power (which he has as Senator, and may have a great deal more of soon, as President), being the standard barometers of magnetism in men, Kerry’s obvious intelligence is likely to impress few. But there are those of us that see his long-winded dissertations as an indication of intellect, something sadly lacking in our current Mr. President. His waffling—the Bush-appointed term for the more intricate forms of contemplation—is darn near ravishing.
We’re not supposed to think of politicians in terms of sex appeal, because sexiness has nothing to do with the job. Nothing, that is, unless we count the getting elected part. Presidential candidates may not be vying for strip tease dollars at Swinging Richards, but they are competing for the hearts and eyes of America’s voters. There’s nothing that better demonstrates the importance of charm and high-school style “popularity” than the closeness of the 2000 elections. Gore ought to have had that race sown up, but Dubya managed to seduce a big enough swath of the country with his down-home rhetoric and gee-whiz-I’m-one-of-you routine (patrician populism?). Despite Bush’s infinitesimal lack of noteworthy accomplishments and foreign policy experience, Gore struggled against him. He lacked that special something and he added to his troubles by adding Lieberman, who has to be the least appealing human being on the planet, to his ticket.
This year the Democrats have chosen the “electable” guy, which is awfully pragmatic. It just happens that electability has come in the form an undercover hottie. People don’t realize it, perhaps, because he’s grayer than he was at 25, but Kerry’s got something going for him that goes beyond his Boy Wonder.
If the press decides to tune their dials to a more subtle frequency, the decidedly un-debonair Dubya won’t stand a chance.
Ewww, ewwww, ewww...I need a hot shower, with lye soap and about a hundred pictures of W in a flight suit, old version and new version, to scrub the ickiness of this post from my
MY EYES, MY EYES..............
This brainless wench needs to get laid.
Man the web really is full of sickos
Is acid making a come-back in the youth culture?
By a cowboy not a poodle
I've never seen her picture, but Freda is definitely blonde.
Is this a spoof? It has to be.
Oh YUK!
You neglected the barf alert..
Are you sure this wasn't written by "Fred" not "Freda"? I can't imagine ANY woman in her right mind being attracted to that limp-wristed dork. (And yes, that tells you something about Terrayza too.)
Man yeah I think acid must be comeing back! Gee whiz what is she smokeing?
BLECHHH!! Ptooey, ptooey!!! What is she, about 14 and brainless? Good grief, while dorky Kerry fumbles everything he tries to do to be a Manly Man, W just goes about his business, landing jet fighters, chopping wood without looking like a doofuss, etc. This reminds me of Nina whats-er-name who swooned over Clinton and offered to take up where Monica left off. Yuckkkk.
If she was a guy, she (well, "he", actually, if she was a guy) would probably think Helen Thomas was a "hottie".
I don't think debonair, wishy-washy, in-touch-with-the-feminine-side, unreliable, unprincipled, or treacherous are where it's at this year. Try again in four, Honey!
EWWWWWW how could she. That man constantly drools. He is constantly licking his lips. He needs a drool bucket! EWWWWWWWWWW! And that smile is soooo scary.
Lady, unless you have a Ketchup fortune, you have no chance with john Kerry.
Keep dreaming.
Hey, I thought we weren't allowed to post articles from The Onion!
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