Campus Columnist Makes Sex Threats Against Conservative Women (My title)

The Miami Student Online ^ | November 4, 2004 | Steve Markley

[Alexander Nevsky]

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>Media bias Enacting revenge through sex

By Steve Markley

Reactionary ideologue Ann Coulter is coming to Miami next week courtesy of the College Republicans, which is this columnist’s dream come true.

However, the good Lord didn’t see fit to set the date of this column for after her visit, so I’ll just have to improvise. If Bush can go to war before he knows what’s going on in a country, then I can take on Coulter before she actually says anything. So here is what my column would look like anyway had I written it after seeing Ms. Coulter: Two conclusions can be drawn from Ann Coulter’s speech before a sold-out audience at Miami this week. First, she is right-wing, bat-sh** crazy.

Ann Coulter makes Bill O’Reilly look like Martin Luther King Jr.

During her speech I sat in the front row, close enough to smell her breath wafting at me with the strong odor of vodka, vomit and Valium—close enough that I had to explain over and over again to nearby friends the definition of a "camel toe." During her speech she made a strong stand against abortion, which makes sense because an aborted fetus does her no good.

She needs the flesh of lives babies for her sustenance.

She went on to (surprisingly) blame liberals for every bad thing to ever happen in American history. Shrieking like a lunatic, she made it clear that she values her own opinion far more than that silly liberal conspiracy known as "history." She is a Joe McCarthy apologist. That’s right, the man whose name has come to stand for everything paranoid,fearful and tyrannical about American government was "actually" the victim of liberal academics and media. Man, the things they don’t teach you in HST 112.

Let me explain something quickly: I have a dream — a goal, really — to attempt to have sex with as many female right-wing pundits and icons as I can.

Why, you ask? Because I want to wake up the next day, tell them I’ll call them soon, and then immediately delete the phone number from my cell.

Think about it. I could finally get back at conservative talk radio host, Laura Ingraham, not by debating her with sharp political insight, but simply by sleeping with her, and when she calls telling her, "Sorry, I’m sort of busy tonight. There’s a lot of you aging but mildly bone-able right wing nutjobs out there whose feelings I have to hurt."

Then there are the Bush twins. Sweet God, what I wouldn’t give.

Imagine if I boffed a Bush daughter? Every time I ran into Bush I could give him this sly little wink and shoot my finger at him like he does when he glosses over the incredible fallacies in his foreign and domestic policies.

He’d have to restrain a scowl and smile back, but deep inside he’d be thinking, "That’s the major league asshole who did Jenna on my bed."

This is my only true ambition in life. However, I’ve decided Ann Coulter is where I draw the line. If I wanted that experience I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid. Therefore, my second conclusion is this: There aren’t enough left-wing revenge fantasies in the world to get me to have sex with Ann Coulter.

 

 

	Oct. 22, 2004
	In This Edition: Front Page Campus Community Features Sports Opinion Editorials OpEd Page

[Unam Sanctam]

And I'm sure the usually harsh academic rules on sexual harassment will apply to this guy. /sarcasm>

[wvobiwan]

Right-wing women are too smart to have sex with obvious losers. They prefer men that can actually get an erection and then USE it, and not cry afterwards.

Stick to the liberal women moron, right-wing women are very particular about who they share their bodies with.

As for liberal women, you only have to profess loyalty for the cause and they will sleep with anyone. Back in the day this worked for me every time. I bet M. Moore get's plenty of liberal booty, liberal women don't have enough self-respect to by picky.

[COEXERJ145]

This guy is a future rapist. He's sees sex as power.

Yep

[ArrogantBustard]

[Colofornian]

This guy is a future rapist. He's sees sex as power.

Are you sure you have your tenses right?

[steph_in_MD]

This from an "educated" college man? Sounds like drivel from a pubescent middle school boy.

[xJones]

Thank you for the heads up, Nevsky.

Boy and girls, here's the necessary information, let's go help out:

"The Miami Student is the student-produced newspaper of Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Issues are published on Tuesdays and Fridays, while The Amusement, the entertainment newspaper, is published on Thursdays.>br> The Miami Student, established in 1826, is the oldest college newspaper in the United States. We focus on campus news and also include news from surrounding communities.

The content of The Miami Student and The Miami Student Online are the sole responsibility of The Miami Student staff. Opinions expressed in The Miami Student are not necessarily those of Miami University, its students or staff.

We encourage interested students to contact us in order to join the staff as a reporter, editor, artist or photographer."

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[atomicpossum]

If I wanted that experience I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid.

Yeah. Like he's got genitals.

[skaterboy]

My step daughter goes to UM.If sexual predators like this idiot are roaming the campus i think we need to transfer her

[Gingersnap]

The funny part is that thinks he could actually get in the sack with a conservative babe. Talk about being out of someone's league.

[DrDavid]

Why don't I see much difference between the author and this story Muslims rule major Swedish city?

[Dat Mon]

"Let me explain something quickly: I have a dream — a goal, really — to attempt to have sex with as many female right-wing pundits and icons as I can."

I would think that most women....not even conservatives, could spot this loser a mile away.

It also strikes me that many of the most hateful, visceral, and banal liberal men out there are also gay.

I cant say it enough...this isnt really about politics per se, its about culture, and psychology. Most of these exreme folks are just mentally ill.

[tracer]

As if this troglodite would have a chance at consensual sex with anyone. It would be easy and fun to orchestrate a situation to address his agenda, but it also would be a waste of time.....

[MKM1960]

I would be willing to bet the only "date" he has had lately was with his right hand.

[newgeezer]

I think the secret service should be notified about this digusting PIG!

www.SecretService.gov

[justshutupandtakeit]

Should this clymer EVER get a real woman he would be stunned into silence and lapse into a catatonic state.

No decent lady would look twice at this idiot not even when putting quarters in his tin cup.

[Fishface]

Funny? More like disturbing and sick. Although, this column will get him a job at the NY Times when he graduates.

[tracer]

On second reading, I do believe that this merits a visit from the Secret Service.....

[bootless]

She needs the flesh of lives babies for her sustenance.

He needs a competent editor.

[Colofornian]

Reactionary ideologue Ann Coulter

Takes a reactionary to know one, I guess. At least Ann has something to be truly provoked about, unlike this small-schemed whiner.