Campus Columnist Makes Sex Threats Against Conservative Women (My title)

The Miami Student Online ^ | November 4, 2004 | Steve Markley

[Alexander Nevsky]

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>Media bias Enacting revenge through sex

By Steve Markley

Reactionary ideologue Ann Coulter is coming to Miami next week courtesy of the College Republicans, which is this columnist’s dream come true.

However, the good Lord didn’t see fit to set the date of this column for after her visit, so I’ll just have to improvise. If Bush can go to war before he knows what’s going on in a country, then I can take on Coulter before she actually says anything. So here is what my column would look like anyway had I written it after seeing Ms. Coulter: Two conclusions can be drawn from Ann Coulter’s speech before a sold-out audience at Miami this week. First, she is right-wing, bat-sh** crazy.

Ann Coulter makes Bill O’Reilly look like Martin Luther King Jr.

During her speech I sat in the front row, close enough to smell her breath wafting at me with the strong odor of vodka, vomit and Valium—close enough that I had to explain over and over again to nearby friends the definition of a "camel toe." During her speech she made a strong stand against abortion, which makes sense because an aborted fetus does her no good.

She needs the flesh of lives babies for her sustenance.

She went on to (surprisingly) blame liberals for every bad thing to ever happen in American history. Shrieking like a lunatic, she made it clear that she values her own opinion far more than that silly liberal conspiracy known as "history." She is a Joe McCarthy apologist. That’s right, the man whose name has come to stand for everything paranoid,fearful and tyrannical about American government was "actually" the victim of liberal academics and media. Man, the things they don’t teach you in HST 112.

Let me explain something quickly: I have a dream — a goal, really — to attempt to have sex with as many female right-wing pundits and icons as I can.

Why, you ask? Because I want to wake up the next day, tell them I’ll call them soon, and then immediately delete the phone number from my cell.

Think about it. I could finally get back at conservative talk radio host, Laura Ingraham, not by debating her with sharp political insight, but simply by sleeping with her, and when she calls telling her, "Sorry, I’m sort of busy tonight. There’s a lot of you aging but mildly bone-able right wing nutjobs out there whose feelings I have to hurt."

Then there are the Bush twins. Sweet God, what I wouldn’t give.

Imagine if I boffed a Bush daughter? Every time I ran into Bush I could give him this sly little wink and shoot my finger at him like he does when he glosses over the incredible fallacies in his foreign and domestic policies.

He’d have to restrain a scowl and smile back, but deep inside he’d be thinking, "That’s the major league asshole who did Jenna on my bed."

This is my only true ambition in life. However, I’ve decided Ann Coulter is where I draw the line. If I wanted that experience I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid. Therefore, my second conclusion is this: There aren’t enough left-wing revenge fantasies in the world to get me to have sex with Ann Coulter.

 

 

	Oct. 22, 2004
	In This Edition: Front Page Campus Community Features Sports Opinion Editorials OpEd Page

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

This is sick.

[Ladysmith]

I totally agree. This is a very disturbing read.

[newgeezer]

I had to explain over and over again to nearby friends the definition of a "camel toe."

Do I want to know? I don't dare Google it.

[RhoTheta]

I like the last paragraph. He sounds like a Darwin Award contender.

[brewcrew]

THIS person has a serious problem...

Bingo. It's called clinical narcissism.

[dirtboy]

When you look like this guy all you can do is "dream" about having sex.

Hey, he probably reads Maureen Dowd and figures that putting your sexual frustrations into your columns will land you a job at the NY Times.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

This is sick.

[Arpege92]

The ego of this lunatic....Hey fella, what makes you so sure any girl would want your phone number after a roll in the hay? How do you know that they wouldn't be relieved to see your limp self leave and then call their girlfriends and laugh about your performance?

[dirtboy]

Do I want to know? I don't dare Google it

Imagine a certain part of Oprah. And she's wearing really tight jeans.

[Fraulein]

This guy has an inferiority complex.

[Ladysmith]

You're kidding, right? Apparently, you've never been attacked.

[Palladin]

Is this him? I'm sure the Secret Service knows by now.



Miami Directory

Stephen Govendy Markley
Classification: student
Title: Student Associate
UniqueID: marklesg
E-Mail Address: marklesg@muohio.edu
delivered to marklesg@po.muohio.edu
Department: King Library
College: College of Arts and Science
Major: History
Class: Junior

[<1/1,000,000th%]

Where are the pictures of Ann???

[the invisib1e hand]

I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid.

If you had any, I'd say "go ahead."

they rallied the lunatics for this election. now they're all worked up with nothing to do.

[Navy Patriot]

Steve Markley is lucky dueling was outlawed.

[Navy Patriot]

Count on me for the potassium cyanide.

[Modernman]

You're kidding, right? Apparently, you've never been attacked.

I actually don't see any threats in this article. He's immature and profane, but that's about it.

I think calls to sic the Secret Service on this numbskull are silly.

[ColoCdn]

I just wrote the editor of the campus rag:

"Re: http://mustudent.muohio.edu/viewoped.php?d=102204&n=2>%20&n=2



Dear Editor Leah Rupp,

My alma mater is the University of Colorado.

Thus, I am fully cognizant of 'over-the-top' liberal behavior, shanty-towns, 'vagina monologues' and all that crap.

I know diversity when I see it. As a green-card-carrying immigrant, I celebrate difference.

But, as a conservative, if I were to mimic Steve Markley's comments (about conservative women in your "America's Oldest College Newspaper") to you and your female staff, I'd be investigated, castigated, eviscerated, and obliterated as a hate-filled sex-offender, preying on good-intentioned liberal women, with the only power I had, the power of the penis.

But, Stevie, (who must be a sophomore, for his wit is truly sophomoric) will come under no such approbation will he? Why not? Well, his punishment (maybe that's what he's truly seeking anyway - why not ask him over a nice bottle of beer?) would have to be meted out by you, his editor.

And since you were the one who allowed (abetted?) his piece to show up in your paper, you've already tacitly agreed with his screed.

Perhaps you should punish the both of you. But do it in a gender-sensitive, non-gay-bashing, politically correct fashion, will you? We wouldn't want you to have to experience Stevie's fantasies turned fact in your life, now, would we? Nor would we want to further encourage the teeming masses of you other liberals who fantasize like he does."

[Larry Lucido]

His column may be sexist and demeaning, but at least he didn't put up signs in the dorm suggesting that women take the stairs to lose the "Freshman 15." Now THAT would have gotten him expelled!

[dannyboy72]

I think it is now necessary to hire a PI to follow this guy and get a shot of him in the shower. Then provide the picture to Ann Coulter so that she can publicly humilate him with a few simply words...

"this boy obviously needs to grow up....quite a bit"

He will never EVER show his face again.