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Hey Kids! Want Good Sex? Try Abstinence.
townhall.com ^ | December 10, 2004 | Warren Throckmorton

Posted on 12/10/2004 11:36:01 AM PST by DBeers

Hey Kids! Want Good Sex? Try Abstinence.

Warren Throckmorton

As a mental health counselor, I am really troubled by the numbers of adolescents that I have counseled who cried for days and hurt for years because they engaged in "safer sex" within dead end, unfulfilling relationships. Sadly, they learned that “safer sex” can be hazardous to their emotional health.

I think the current political debate concerning abstinence vs. contraceptive based sexual education has failed to include an important variable in the discussion of what to teach in school: sexual well being.

In many contemporary sexual education curricula, young boys and girls who listen carefully in health class will be schooled in the virtues of condoms. They may learn the mechanics and become involved in “safer sex” without the result of pregnancy or deadly disease. Sadly, though, such programs rarely inform them that their emotional and sexual adjustment would be enhanced if they would wait for the marital bed. What a disservice to a generation of young people.

I am raising this point because I just finished authoring a report, with colleague David Blakeslee concerning proposed changes in sexual education curriculum in Montgomery County, MD. Among other innovations, these changes offer students a PG-13 experience in watching a condom application demonstration, featuring a female and a cucumber. Further, the curriculum explains to students that it is harmful to have risky sex (meaning sans condom) but says next to nothing about any problems associated with engaging in pre-marital sexual relationships, provided condoms are on board.

In other words, 10th graders, we will tell you that applying condoms may prevent disease and pregnancy but we will not tell you that your long term sexual and emotional satisfaction may be enhanced by saving sex until marriage. The curriculum says in places that the only sure way to prevent disease and pregnancy is through abstaining but there is no mention that one’s overall well being might be enhanced by waiting.

Since you won’t hear this in school, here are a few survey findings from research concerning abstinence. According to 1996 data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health, lower sexual activity among adolescents is correlated with higher levels of well being. In fact, sexually active girls are over three times as likely to report depressive symptoms than their abstaining counterparts and sexually active boys are over twice as likely to report depressive symptoms. Amazingly, these two groups report higher incidence of suicide attempts; boys in particular are at 8 times the risk for a suicide attempt if they are sexually active.

Young women are particularly vulnerable. According to the sex survey Social Organization of Sexuality, by Edward Laumann and colleagues, “young women often go along with intercourse the first time, finding little physical pleasure in it…” The report notes that there are “dramatic costs for young women” which are “increasing as young women have intercourse earlier in the life course.” (p.347). Sounds like delaying sexual involvement is a good thing both emotionally and sexually.

Concerning marital sex, the same report indicates that “a monogamous sexual partnership embedded in a formal marriage evidently produces the greatest satisfaction and pleasure.” (p. 364). Further, religious women are more likely to report being sexually satisfied than non-religious counterparts. These are the women who are more likely to have waited until they can follow the teachings of their faith about being “embedded in a formal marriage” before they have sex. However, presumably abstaining works for those of all faiths and those with none.

Why don’t health educators want kids to know these things? Good question. Ask it sometime at school board meeting.

Instead religious people and those who favor abstinence until marriage are usually portrayed as prudish, repressed folks afraid to talk about sex, let alone practice it. Rather it appears those smiles may be more than religious euphoria.

Given the positive health and mental health benefits of abstinence, it looks to me like these research findings should be prominently featured in sex education curricula. That is unless all we want to do is get latex around the problem.

However, often the research results reported above are not even mentioned. Not in the Montgomery County curriculum and almost never in public debate concerning the best form of sexual education.

So kids, want great sex? Now you know what to do. Or should I say: what not to do.

Warren Throckmorton, PhD is Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the College Counseling Services at Grove City College (PA). He is co-author, along with David Blakeslee, Psy.D. of the recent report, Health Education as Social Advocacy, which is available at http://www.drthrockmorton.com/montgomery.pdf. He can be reached at ewthrockmorton@gcc.edu .


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events; US: Pennsylvania
KEYWORDS: abstain; abstinence; cervicalcancer; chaste; chastity; freedom; futurehusband; futurewife; genitalherpes; grace; gravityteen; gravityteendotcom; happiness; herpes; homosexualagenda; hope; incurablewarts; joy; love; loving; marriage; marry; premaritalsex; pure; purity; respectforlife; safesex; selfrespect; sex; sexeducation; sexsex; sexsexsexsex; sextraining; sexuallytransmitted; std; stds; teen; teenager; teenagers; teens; transmitteddisease; vd; venerealdisease; virgin; virginity; wait; waiting
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1 posted on 12/10/2004 11:36:01 AM PST by DBeers
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To: DBeers

This article ought to be spam! <{Applause}>


2 posted on 12/10/2004 11:40:34 AM PST by odoso (Millions for charity, but not one penny for tribute!)
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To: DBeers
Hey Kids! Want Good Sex? Try Abstinence.

I would but they did not meantion her phone number in the article.

3 posted on 12/10/2004 11:41:25 AM PST by Always Right
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To: DBeers

Interesting way of looking at it...


4 posted on 12/10/2004 11:42:04 AM PST by RockinRight (Liberals are OK with racism and sexism, as long as it is aimed at a Republican.)
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To: DBeers
Excellent.
5 posted on 12/10/2004 11:43:47 AM PST by Carry_Okie (There are people in power who are really stupid.)
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To: DBeers

Sexual attraction is like duct tape. It sticks really well the first time, but if you peel it off it doesn't stick so well the next time. After five or six go 'rounds, it hardly sticks at all...


6 posted on 12/10/2004 11:44:58 AM PST by gridlock (ELIMINATE PERVERSE INCENTIVES)
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To: Always Right
I would but they did not meantion her phone number in the article.

I know her well. She is very demanding but embracing her is well worth it.

7 posted on 12/10/2004 11:45:15 AM PST by DBeers
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To: DBeers

Thats no fun.


8 posted on 12/10/2004 11:46:42 AM PST by Lorraine
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To: DBeers

Excellent article--truth all the way. As one who practiced promiscuity from an early age, became a Christian at age 26, and subsequently became a partner in a life-long, God-honoring marriage, I can testify that those smiles are not just "religious euphoria."

Sometime ago, there I read an article called "The Revenge of the Church Ladies" which explained data found in research studies that the most modest, seemingly-prudish and strait-laced religious women were the most sexually-satisfied in their monogamous marriage relationships. Sweet revenge indeed!!


9 posted on 12/10/2004 11:49:57 AM PST by MBombardier
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To: DBeers

Lots of sex ed material describes homosexual sex with a condom as safe sex. Specifically receptive anal sex with a condom which, in truth, is NOT safe and with respect to HIV is more dangerous than vaginal sex without a condom. This business of describing anal sex with a condom as safe is due to the influence of the homosexual lobby. There is more wrong with most sex ed than just the "mental health dangers" of early sex.


10 posted on 12/10/2004 11:50:42 AM PST by Monterrosa-24 (Technology advances but human nature is dependably stagnant)
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To: little jeremiah

BTTT -one to add to your pinging


11 posted on 12/10/2004 11:51:25 AM PST by DBeers
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To: Lorraine
Thats no fun.

lol

12 posted on 12/10/2004 11:53:05 AM PST by DBeers
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To: Lorraine

If you think promiscuity is fun, you obviously haven't experienced sex in a relationship that both people are committed to for life. Sure, sex outside of marriage is fun, and feels good physically, or at least you can convince yourself it is and does. But sex inside a committed relationship is deeply satisfying not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. People (and I have the experience to speak to this) who have sex outside of a committed relationship, specifically marriage, do not have any idea what they are missing.

Not only that, but I can also tell you that there is plenty of baggage that is taken into a marriage when you have been promiscuous, and it takes a long time to overcome it. I will probably always have reminders that come back to haunt me from time to time. I am thrilled and deeply thankful that my children (who are old enough to make this decision) are committed to abstinence until marriage. Don't think that you can have your fun and then go into a committed relationship and have the same experience as someone who saved themselves for marriage. You cannot have the best of both worlds.


13 posted on 12/10/2004 12:00:31 PM PST by MBombardier
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To: DBeers
Teens Delaying Sexual Activity; Using Contraception More Effectively
14 posted on 12/10/2004 12:04:31 PM PST by mdittmar (May God watch over those who serve to keep us free)
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To: MBombardier
"The Revenge of the Church Ladies"

LOL! How sweet it is!

15 posted on 12/10/2004 12:09:33 PM PST by ohioWfan (W.........STILL the President)
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To: DBeers

bump


16 posted on 12/10/2004 12:09:47 PM PST by blackeagle
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To: DBeers; Born Conservative; little jeremiah

BTTT


17 posted on 12/10/2004 12:13:22 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: DBeers

I saw this on Townhall this morning - excellent article.


18 posted on 12/10/2004 12:13:49 PM PST by Tax-chick (Benedicere cor! Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?)
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To: mrs tiggywinkle; cyn; tutstar; Donaeus; Brad's Gramma; WVNan; Victoria Delsoul; Jen; MBombardier
Amen.

Reason #1205 why God's plan for our bodies is a good idea. He gave us instructions and commands because He loves us. Such an excellent article. I haven't seen this subject brought up much in this on going discussion.

I'm printing this out and keeping it for when my children need to read this. I'm going to be teaching the teen girls at church soon and I'll be sharing this in class. It's hard to understand the practical reasons for obeying God when you're young.

19 posted on 12/10/2004 12:14:20 PM PST by SpookBrat
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To: DBeers

I am raising this point because I just finished authoring a report, with colleague David Blakeslee concerning proposed changes in sexual education curriculum in Montgomery County, MD.


The Story of how Social Policy Crept into a Sex Education Curriculum

20 posted on 12/10/2004 12:15:42 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: NYer

Ping


21 posted on 12/10/2004 12:17:44 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: SpookBrat
Reason #1205 why God's plan for our bodies is a good idea. He gave us instructions and commands because He loves us.

Some people would say it's because He wants to test us.

22 posted on 12/10/2004 12:22:01 PM PST by Mr Ramsbotham (Laws against sodomy are honored in the breech.)
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To: EdReform

thanks -seems to be a recent watershed of good informatuon on this subject.


23 posted on 12/10/2004 12:23:33 PM PST by DBeers
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To: gridlock
[ Sexual attraction is like duct tape. It sticks really well the first time, but if you peel it off it doesn't stick so well the next time. After five or six go 'rounds, it hardly sticks at all... ]

Excellent gambit the duct tape canard..
Not perfect... but what is..

24 posted on 12/10/2004 12:28:49 PM PST by hosepipe (This Propaganda has been edited to include not a small amount of Hyperbole..)
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To: DBeers; american colleen; Lady In Blue; Salvation; narses; SMEDLEYBUTLER; redhead; ...
Excellent article ... thank you for posting it!

Catholic Ping - please freepmail me if you want on/off this list


25 posted on 12/10/2004 12:36:08 PM PST by NYer ("Blessed be He who by His love has given life to all." - final prayer of St. Charbel)
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To: DBeers

bttt


26 posted on 12/10/2004 12:38:38 PM PST by aberaussie
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To: DBeers

"Why don’t health educators want kids to know these things? Good question. Ask it sometime at school board meeting."

Better, yet, why not just teach it in your home and at church?


27 posted on 12/10/2004 12:41:57 PM PST by Gone GF
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To: Mr Ramsbotham
Reason #1205 why God's plan for our bodies is a good idea. He gave us instructions and commands because He loves us.

Some people would say it's because He wants to test us.

-----

Not to be provocative, but would "some people" consider their parents' instruction not to play in the street as a test?

28 posted on 12/10/2004 12:45:51 PM PST by MBombardier
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To: kenth; CatoRenasci; Marie; PureSolace; Congressman Billybob; P.O.E.; cupcakes; Amelia; Diana; ...

There is also a decent post on the same subject here,but it is not referenced with a link.

29 posted on 12/10/2004 12:55:39 PM PST by Born Conservative (Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television - Archie Bunker)
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To: gridlock
Sexual attraction is like duct tape. It sticks really well the first time, but if you peel it off it doesn't stick so well the next time. After five or six go 'rounds, it hardly sticks at all...

Going without for a long time then must be the equivalent of tearing off a new strip then.

30 posted on 12/10/2004 12:56:04 PM PST by Centurion2000 (Truth, Justice and the Texan Way)
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To: MBombardier
Not to be provocative, but would "some people" consider their parents' instruction not to play in the street as a test?

Yes, they might. In fact, most probably do. I mean, that's the most comfortable and facile interpretation.

31 posted on 12/10/2004 1:42:55 PM PST by Mr Ramsbotham (Laws against sodomy are honored in the breech.)
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To: DBeers
Fewer teens engaging in sex, study finds
32 posted on 12/10/2004 2:04:25 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: EdReform

thanks!


33 posted on 12/10/2004 2:37:15 PM PST by DBeers
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To: The Mayor; Johnny Gage

I forgot to ping you to this article. I know you have teens.


34 posted on 12/10/2004 2:38:10 PM PST by SpookBrat
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To: DBeers
Maybe I've turned into a Scrooge, but at work meeting the other day, they asked us to take up a collection for a woman whos current boyfriend kicked her out. She's 25, and has 4 kids, 8 years and under. While I feel sorry for her children, I wanted to shout out, "I'll donate a box of condoms for her, hasn't she figured out what's causing it?"

Like I said, maybe I'm a Scrooge.

35 posted on 12/10/2004 2:52:26 PM PST by LisaMalia (Merry CHRISTmas!)
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To: DBeers

Bookmarked.


36 posted on 12/10/2004 3:02:01 PM PST by <1/1,000,000th%
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To: LisaMalia
Like I said, maybe I'm a Scrooge.

No -Charity requires fraternal correction -I would have suggested abstinence or marriage. The only way this woman will find true freedom is in obediently embracing Truth.

37 posted on 12/10/2004 3:04:08 PM PST by DBeers
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To: MBombardier

"Don't think that you can have your fun and then go into a committed relationship and have the same experience as someone who saved themselves for marriage. You cannot have the best of both worlds."

That, IMO, is also an important factor in our rising divorce rates. I think it would be very difficult for a 30 year old woman who has had 10 or 15 "relationships" end badly to become a good wife. Doesn't help men, either.

IME, the absolute best sex, far and away, is when you and a woman you love are hoping she'll conceive. (From a man's perspective, of course.)


38 posted on 12/10/2004 5:54:08 PM PST by dsc
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To: LisaMalia

This is where the church has dropped the ball on social issues. A Christian who knows this woman should be able to minister to her with resources provided by the church. I don't have my Bible handy, but there's a passage in there about it basically being useless to say to people "Go, be warmed and filled" but not actually doing anything for them. In many cases, providing the things needed for daily living makes the one ministered to so grateful (for him/herself and sake of the children involved) that hearts are opened to the Gospel.

At that point, it becomes possible to talk about abstinence and waiting until marriage. It is useless to say "I'll donate a box of condoms for her, hasn't she figured out what's causing it?" All that does is alienate people when what you want to do is love them out of a circumscribed lifestyle and help them to understand the bigger, better life that they could have.

I sound vehement and that's because I have been there. Not with four children, but with one. Being a single mom is no picnic. My heart goes out to this woman. May she find the help she truly needs.


39 posted on 12/10/2004 6:06:26 PM PST by MBombardier
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To: dsc

Bingo. You get a sense that "you'll be okay, that you will make it" and it makes you less willing to go through the worse when it happens, marriage vows notwithstanding. I know that there are atheists and agnostics who commit to marriages or other relationships and are faithful to their partners no matter what. But for me, it took my Christian faith to give me the standing to bear with my (current and for life) husband through some very tough and on-going challenges to our relationship.

May God bless your conception efforts and make you very fruitful!


40 posted on 12/10/2004 6:17:17 PM PST by MBombardier
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To: DBeers

You're welcome!


41 posted on 12/10/2004 6:23:19 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: Mr Ramsbotham
Not to be provocative, but would "some people" consider their parents' instruction not to play in the street as a test?

Yes, they might. In fact, most probably do. I mean, that's the most comfortable and facile interpretation.

-----

But are we lookiing for the most comfortable and facile interpretation? Or should we be looking behind the instructions and beyond our desires and self-focus (and may I say, rebellion) for the deeper meaning governing and instigating commandments, laws, and rules of our authorities?

42 posted on 12/10/2004 6:27:39 PM PST by MBombardier
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To: MBombardier
Being a single mom is no picnic. My heart goes out to this woman. May she find the help she truly needs.

Did you really read my post above, or are you baiting me? A woman having 4 kids in 8 years, then wanting charity. Guess what, she gets it every week, when the taxes are taken out of my paycheck for her ADC. She's probably making more than I am

I've been a single (divorced) mom as well. Their dad provided child support, PLUS I worked TWO jobs to take care of the 2 children that God gave us. They are now both wonderful, productive citizens. And I never took one dime from the government, or charity, to raise them.

In this day and age, there is no excuse for unwanted pregnancies...unless you have an agenda, and know that the more kids, the more government assistance you rake in every month, courtesy of our tax dollars. This woman DOES need help. She needs to learn how to keep her knees together.

43 posted on 12/10/2004 6:33:48 PM PST by LisaMalia (Merry CHRISTmas!)
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To: odoso

BTTT!


44 posted on 12/10/2004 6:40:23 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: MBombardier

"May God bless your conception efforts and make you very fruitful!"

Lordy, we have five, and one more on the way. I knows all about birthin' babies.


45 posted on 12/10/2004 7:00:28 PM PST by dsc
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To: MBombardier

"I know that there are atheists and agnostics who commit to marriages or other relationships and are faithful to their partners no matter what."

I have no personal knowledge of any such relationships of more than two decades standing. That doesn't prove there aren't any, of course, but...

"But for me, it took my Christian faith to give me the standing to bear with my (current and for life) husband through some very tough and on-going challenges to our relationship."

I think that's true of most people, most emphatically including myself. Even in non-Christian societies, faith in an absolute moral code seems to be necessary.

As Will and Ariel Durant wrote, "Does history warrant the conclusion that religion is necessary to morality -- that a natural ethic is too weak to withstand the savagery that lurks under civilization and emerges in our dreams, crimes, and wars? ... There is no significant example in history, before our time, of a society successfully maintaining moral life without the aid of religion."


46 posted on 12/10/2004 7:06:44 PM PST by dsc
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To: Lindykim; DirtyHarryY2K; Siamese Princess; Ed Current; Grampa Dave; Luircin; gonow; John O; ...

Moral Absolutes Ping.

There was a link to this article in the last one I pinged out. But this is so good I had to ping you all.

Totally right, and unfashionable. It's amazing when you think that in just about 50 years the whole concept of chastity until marriage has gone from the cultural standard to being reviled.

And yet it is the natural human way to be. It is one ingredient in successful, happy marriages, which are the best environment to raise children.

Let me know if anyone wants on/off this pinglist.


47 posted on 12/10/2004 7:16:03 PM PST by little jeremiah (What would happen if everyone decided their own "right and wrong"?)
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To: LisaMalia

"I've been a single (divorced) mom as well. Their dad provided child support, PLUS I worked TWO jobs to take care of the 2 children that God gave us. They are now both wonderful, productive citizens. And I never took one dime from the government, or charity, to raise them."

Hats off to heroic virtue.

"In this day and age, there is no excuse for unwanted pregnancies..."

Ummm...stupidity? Moral idiocy?


48 posted on 12/10/2004 7:25:07 PM PST by dsc
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To: LisaMalia

Oh, I should have added that I advocate your remedy of learning how to keep the knees together, and not using contraceptives to avoid the consquences of whoring around.


49 posted on 12/10/2004 7:27:47 PM PST by dsc
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To: little jeremiah

BTTT


50 posted on 12/10/2004 7:37:52 PM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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