The Sin of Divorce

Renew America ^ | 01/04/2005 | Adam Graham

[Keyes2000mt]

The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.

While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.

The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.

There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.

We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.

On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.

To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.

Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.

Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.

The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.

Secular Action

The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.

The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.

Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.

Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.

[Gabz]

I don't think so.

He has always been rather a bit of an exception to the rule. to this day he gets ribbed by guys he went to school with who were already grandfathers when he was becoming a first time daddy.

[TheSpottedOwl]

Gosh, we just might be heading for majority faction in the GOP!

Lol! Hey, aren't we statistically supposed to be jackbooted feminists?

Btw, sign me up for the "divorcees in hell list". It's fixing to be a big list ;-D

[woodb01]

bump for later... GREAT read...

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[airborne]

Count me in.

[hushpad]

I'm in a second marriage, my ex is still living.

My wife's pastor says we're committing adultery.

Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby.


Here is another thing that comes to mind. About that "who God brings together, let no man put asunder" scripture.

How does any person know that, in your first marriage, God actually brought you together? So, even if you are divorced, if God did not plan for you to be together, then it would not have been marriage in his sight, but maybe the second marriage is.

I know that in my second marriage, I understood what a VOW TO GOD meant, in my first, at sixteen, I did not. The marriage failed and probably for good reason. God does not keep someone under the bondage of sin for childish mistakes.

[Hat-Trick]

My wife's pastor says we're committing adultery.

If you don't mind sharing, I'd be interested to know the pastor's recommendation for your situation. Hopefully he doesn't recommend another divorce. Thanks in advance,

Hat-Trick

[MayflowerMadam]

Ha! Good one; I like that!

I think my mom, the minister's wife/doormat, has been offering up the abuse to God for 60 years now and I don't see that it's done a bit of good. You're right; the author needs to think a little deeper...

[malakhi]

Do you really think it's possible for two people who are emotionally and physically attracted to one another and who are contemplating spending the rest of their lives together to live in the same house together and not have sex?

Sure. It's called "marriage".

[sonserae]

I was actually told by some "Christians" to stay with someone who was beating me to a pulp because under "the law" the only two reasons for divorce were "abandonment" and "infidelity". This to me is a matter of symantics....divorce is allowable if your spouse slips up and has sex with someone else for one night but if they use you as a punching bag for months, it's a sin if you divorce him. To me, abandonment doesn't have to be physical. Emotional abandonment is just as valid....If they are beating you up, you bet they've abandoned you emotionally!

[malakhi]

I didn't WANT a divorce,I HAD to get a divorce to save my sanity.We are both better off now and so are the kids. From the first time I saw the lawyer until now I have never regretted it.

AMEN!

[exnavychick]

True enough. I have never believed that God would intend for someone to stay married to someone "until death do us part" if one spouse were to bring about the death to end the marriage. I do believe murder is a sin as well.

[Rebelbase]

"What are you doing Saturday night?"

Here.

[Bella_Bru]

I'm divorced and happier than when I was married. And Cali's 6 month "cooling off period" didn't stop me from moving out and a 6 hour drive away from him either.

[Gabz]

I didn't want a divorce either, but had to do it to save my life.

It was actually 16 years ago today that I received the paperwork with my divorce decree in the mail, and while the mental/emotional scars are long gone, the physical ones still exist. I hadn't thought about that in years....but I guess this thread brought that memory back to me.

I met my (now) husband shortly after I left the other one, but before the divorce was done. We'll be married 8 years next month, but had known each other nearly 9 years before we got married.

[DainBramage]

Now you drink all nighte and look at rocks all day.

[bigjoesaddle]

I heard on a Religious channel this Sunday that "Divorce is like murdering your family." A little harsh...

But one stat that is interesting is that kids do better if one of their parents DIE than if they both are alive, but get divorced. Dr. Laura has mentioned this many times.

[keithdc1]

Where people make mistakes with the Mal 2:16 verse is what was the context of what was being said. God was talking to the men because he was upset with them for marrying wives and then divorcing them to marry other woman. He is mad at men not keeping there "vows" and divorcing woman over and over again. People misuse this verse and then say it applies to every divorce situation. Even the guy who wrote this article does not understand the verse and the context.

[Bella_Bru]

Should we create a ping list? ;-)

[Rubber_Duckie_27]

For people marrying in a church ceremony, this is almost always, if not always, required. Yet there are plenty of divorces among those couples, too. The counseling is often cursory and the couple may not pay that much attention-it's just another thing on the long list of to do's.

This is so true. We're going through premarital counseling now and have found it to be fairly cursory. The pastor is spending as much time on planning the ceremony as he is on actually counselling us on marriage. (Granted, we aren't terribly fond of the guy and plan to change churches after the wedding...just dealing with it so I can be married in the church where I was raised)

Even the Catholic pre-cana process, which is more involved than many Protestant or Jewish premarital programs, is viewed by many as an annoyance. Several friends have been married recently in the Catholic church and paid little attention to it besides being another thing to check off on the to-do list. None of them wanted to listen to a never-married priest preach to them about birth control and the challenges of effective communication with one's spouse. Some may say that makes them not Catholic, but I can't help but think that more of a mentoring experience with long-married couples might be more effective.

[MayflowerMadam]

Amen to all you said. I was told the same thing by "Christians" while my ex-husband was knocking me around. I left anyhow. This was back in the '70s when it wasn't a topic people discussed. I left the SOB anyhow, and my name was/is Mud because of it.