Posted on 01/19/2005 6:49:39 AM PST by add925
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country - if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
If you want to read the national and world stories in tomorrow's Indianapolis Star, read today's Chicago Tribune.
MAD Magazine is read by Dems who think it's a guide to running the country but get preoccupied with the fold-over back cover...
USA Yesterday is looked at by people who can't read at all, let alone understand. They like the different colors in the pie charts.
It's the same way for me when I see TV every couple of years. We haven't had a TV in 27 years. When people were asking, "Who shot JR?" we were asking, "Who IS JR?"
But when we stay in a hotel and watch TV, we finally match up names with faces. I don't think we've been missing much.
No doubt you are right, but at least the Plain Dealer has an original name. And as far as names go, I've always liked the Post-Intelligencer from Seattle because it sounds like they are writing from the Alzheimer ward of the state hospital. They were intelligent once, but have kind of declined since.
Is the Pioneer Press any better?
Know what you mean.
I was real sick over the weekend and ended up lying there watching the tube. 69 channels, all crap, at least until I found the history channel and a great show called Mail Call, all about military items and history.
That was worth watching, but I wouldn't go out of my way to schedule it.
Guess we're a couple of out of touch guys, like W's dad.
bump
Except for Joe Soucheray's column, no.
LMAOARAOTF
YOUR HOUSEKEEPER WAS SICK AND YOU HAD TO GO TO THE STORE???!!!!
My God, what a dreadful experience that must have been for you! A similar disaster befell me when the INS deported my nanny & my gardener some time ago. Funny, I can't seem to recall their names...Anyway, you can imagine how traumatized I was when I had to drive the Lexus all the way across town (wouldn't you know it, my driver had the day off!) to pick up the children at their private school. It was a perfectly awful experience. I had to actually GET OUT OF MY CAR & go into the school office to get some help finding my children (there must have been 50 kids standing out there waiting for a ride &, of course, they all look alike to me). Some woman at the reception desk (clearly a public school graduate, if you know what I mean) had the temerity to demand my ID because I couldn't remember the actual names of Binky, Muffy, & Princess! She was making all sorts of feeble excuses about security & privacy & not allowing strangers to pick up kids from school...fortunately, I had my checkbook with me so I could show her the record of the fat tuition checks I'd written to the school. That finally humbled her & she produced the requisite children without further delay. The children, for their part, were ungrateful little wretches. After all I'd gone through for them (including missing my massage with Helga), they had the hubris to demand an explanation for why I'd kept them waiting! It so upset me that I ran over an entire bed of prize Old English roses that what's-his-name had imprudently planted too close to the driveway! Had he not been in the custody of the INS, I'd have fired him on the spot, to be sure. I put Cook in charge of the children, poured myself three fingers of Chivas with a Zoloft chaser, & phoned the agency to have them send over a couple of people to set things to rights.
So, you see, I really DO understand your comment about thinking you might be from Mars. One question, however. Are you sure you meant to say Mars & not Uranus?
It really wasn't that bad. My driver wasn't sick so I was spared so many other potentially harrowing experiences.
In fact, it was rather entertaining.
Funny though, he was no more familiar with the inside of the grocery store than I, yet he was able to explain who many of the checkout counter celebrities were supposed to be.
When we got home, we pooled our talents and made a passable chicken soup for my ailing housekeeper.
She seemed genuinely pleased with our efforts. Gives one a warm feeling to be so handy in a pinch.
Terre Haute
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