My cats are named Kambei and Kikuchiyo...
Posted on 01/29/2005 5:45:54 PM PST by freedom44
Some people get really ornery when they hear about pet owners lavishing luxuries on their animals. I say go for it. If we can't treat other human beings with even a shred of common dignity most of the time, at least we can direct our misguided affection to some other mammal.
It's when pets become surrogate children to their owners that things start to head straight into downtown Creepyville on an all-inclusive guided tour.
So while I can, on some level, grasp the idea of a pet hotel (and to a lesser extent a pet day care, pet spa and pet whorehouse), it's those people who dress their Shih Tzus up in sweaters and booties and jaunty little knickers and call them names like Franklin or John-Paul and drop them off at school with a lunchbox gripped in their tiny little mouths that I want to grab and shake and scream at.
"You have an animal that tries to chase rocks into a lake and you're treating it as though it was a future Harvard hopeful, while there are hundreds of thousands of human children in the world waiting to be adopted!'' I would shriek. "Including several from cultures where eating dogs is accepted, so why not do the right thing and kill two birds with one stone?''
On that note, and coming from the "old news that I'm just hearing about now, so don't bother writing me to say, 'Welcome to September of last year, moron,' because I'll just delete it along with all of the other hate mail I get'' file - man, I gotta get a bigger label for that file - is a company called PetsMobility, which is designing a cell-phone for your dog, cat, rhesus monkey or Chinese hissing dung beetle.
Perhaps inspired by those nauseating Telus ads featuring all kinds of phone-using, digitally altered animals (sorry, Virginia, but pigs, chameleons and dreadlocked miniature horses can't really smile, though I'd dearly love to see them fight each other in some kind of weird inter-species cage match), PetsMobility plans to introduce the PetsCell, a phone that attaches to your dog's collar.
Or your cat's collar, if you can pin the horrid little vermin to the floor long enough to get the thing around its neck without the feline demon clawing your eyes out and supping on them like a dinner of fresh mussels.
Yep, I'm a cat lover.
The only thing that would suck worse than being a teenager forced to carry around a parent-mandated cellphone would be having one strapped to your neck. And lacking the opposable thumbs to undo the buckle.
At least your 15-year-old daughter can "forget'' her phone at the "library'' long enough to sneak away and smoke up behind Tim Hortons, but your already emasculated German shepherd has to wear the thing like a badge of shame, enduring the barks of derision from the other dogs in the neighbourhood.
The idea behind the PetsCell is that if your pet goes missing, you can call the cellphone's number and ... um, you call the phone's number, then ... OK, this is the part where I'm not quite getting it. Here's how I imagine the scenario unfolding:
You: Dammit, Rusty got out of the backyard again. I'm gonna call him. (Dials number, PetsCell rings and automatically connects call to speakerphone on dog's collar.)
You: Rusty! Where are you boy?
Rusty: Woof!
You: Rusty! Come home now!
Rusty: Woof!
You: RUSTY! COME! COME, BOY! GOOD BOY! COME!
Rusty: Listen, I don't respond to your commands when you're standing five feet away from me, why would I do it now when you're just a disembodied voice coming from my collar and I'm up to my haunches in a Safeway dumpster?
Also, I took a poop in your sock drawer yesterday. You're welcome.
You: Wh-wha? Rusty? Did you just speak English to me?
Rusty: Woof!
The pet-phone's other feature is that if someone finds your stray pooch, they can push a button and be automatically connected to you. So now instead of taking your dog to the SPCA for you to come and collect, people can phone you directly and negotiate a nice, big ransom.
I like it.
In PetsCell's defence, it'll also have some sort of built-in GPS tracking device thingy, so that you can find Rusty even when he refuses to disclose his location over the phone. "Wait, it says he's right here at this exact spot! What the ... Oh, Rusty, there you are! I got so caught up in this wonderful new gadget that I was oblivious to you vigorously humping my leg! Good boy!''
I don't know, this seems like taking our obsession with our pets way too far. I mean, I love animals and I love technology, but sometimes the two just don't mix.
Except for that cute Sony robot dog that I want so, so bad. Mainly because it can't poop in your sock drawer.
ping
Deadlines are numbing nuisances, sometimes.
If the FR Extreme Pet Lovers crowd gets wind of this thread you will win the "Troll of the Day" award. ;)
Adopted children are pets????
Huh, go figure......
Don't worry im a pet lover.
I think it's a good idea (don't hit me, don't hit me! :-D).
btw, Bichon and the dog breed named in the article...are a pure waste, good only for croc. food. :)
It's just a GPS for dogs. Of course my dog is perfect and doesn't need one!
Cell phones for animals are a ridiculous idea. But sweaters? Nah, I don't buy that it automatically makes for a looney owner. Small breeds often don't handle the cold well, due to their size and type of fur. Chihuahuas especially have short fur that doesn't keep the cold out well, since they're a breed from a warmer climate. Sweaters make them a bit more comfortable if they have to be outside, nothing more.
does include "rover"......er roaming charges....
btw, Bichon and the dog breed named in the article...are a pure waste, good only for croc. food. :)
Some one give him/her a bowlingual to talk on phone :)
My cats are named Kambei and Kikuchiyo...
Yeah. My toy rat terrier gets really cold really easily. Although I admit it does SEEM strange it relly helps. She gets nice and warm.
P.S. In case you non dog owners. Toy means below 10 lbs. not an inanimate object.
ROTFL that's a good article. :)
My Samoyed shall smack you instead. ;)
Spoken like one whose dog has a fully accesorized wardrobe.
LOL nah. We're currently between dogs since our husky mix died a year and change ago, but we only had one sweater for when it was bitter cold for the chi we used to have. Thankfully it rarely gets that way here, but he was a lil guy and got so cold he'd refuse to go out past a point.
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