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More Aircraft Laser Incidents Pinned on Gay Club-Goers
JetPhotos.net (Mod note: Text is from Swift Report, a satirical site) ^ | Todd Fox

Posted on 02/17/2005 9:28:11 AM PST by El Conservador

More Aircraft Laser Incidents Pinned on Gay Club-Goers

FBI agents have traced another airline laser incident to a gay nightclub, this one in Dallas, TX. Last year, after pilots began complaining of laser beams penetrating their cockpits, investigators linked the green beams to gay nightclubs around the country, where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’

For one gay couple, night out ends in handcuffs

By Todd Fox

Editor’s note: this is an updated version of a story that originally appeared on the Swift Report on January 7th, 2005. We will continue to bring you breaking news on this topic as it unfolds.

Dallas, TX—Investigators are blaming the latest in a series of airline laser incidents on more gay club-goers. After the captain of an American Airlines jet reported that a laser beam had penetrated his cockpit as the plane prepared to land at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport, investigators fanned out to gay nightclubs throughout the area. They reportedly found dozens of men armed with green lasers at popular gay clubs in Dallas including Buddies II, Hidden Door and Zippers.

Investigators first became aware that gay club-goers were the source of the airline laser incidents after Cleveland residents Paco Garcia and his boyfriend Thom Feldman were detained when Garcia inadvertently pointed his laser beam—a popular accessory at gay dance clubs—at a police helicopter.

“Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop,” says Garcia. “Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

But their nightmare was far from over. The two men were held until the next morning, as members of the FBI and local police force questioned them about their connection to recent laser incidents in the Cleveland area, including one that took place on New Year’s Eve as a commercial jet approached the Cleveland Hopkins International Airport.

Garcia and Feldman were released without charges after authorities determined that they didn’t have enough evidence to hold the men. Under the Patriot Act, the men could have faced up to 25 years in prison and a $500,000 fine for disrupting the operation of a mass transportation vehicle.

But while this particular couple got off, authorities now believe that gay club-goers may have been responsible for pointing lasers at aircraft in other areas. The FBI is said to be interviewing patrons of the following nightclubs about recent laser episodes:

• The Hide and Seek Complex, Colorado Springs, CO. On Dec. 27, two pilots reported that green pulsating laser lights were shone into their cockpits as they were approaching the Colorado Springs airport. Both the passenger plane and a cargo plane landed without incident.

• Bricks Club, Salt Lake City, UT. In September, a Delta Air Lines pilot reported an eye injury from a laser beam shone into the cockpit during a landing approach in Salt Lake City.

• The Tool Box, Nashville, TN. Earlier this week, a green laser was pointed at a Chicago-bound regional jet as it took off from Nashville International Airport.

Homosexuals, terrorists, or both?

Earlier this year, federal agents charged Parsippany, NJ resident David Banach under the terms of the Patriot Act after he confessed to pointing a light beam at two aircraft.

Agents said they’re still not clear on whether Banach is gay, but note that they’ve been interviewing patrons of Connexions, a Parsippany club that offers country line dancing on Tuesday nights and caters to gay men.

“We’re obviously at the beginning of our inquiry and we’re not sure if this particular individual was intending to try to bring down the aircraft or was just a homosexual having a bit of fun,” says John Parris, an FBI spokesman. “By talking to gay men who are going out to these clubs to dance and what not, then get the urge to point their lasers at planes, we need to say ‘don’t do it.’ There are serious penalties involved here.”

In recent years, pocket lasers have become increasingly popular at gay dance clubs. Paco Garcia explains that club-goers often use the green laser pointers to add to the excitement on the dance floor. “When you see a buff guy, guys point pocket lasers on him. That way he stands out and he knows that we think he’s hot,” explains Garcia.

Hundreds of inexpensive lasers were sold within Cleveland's gay community alone this Christmas, some for as little as $15. The lasers, while strong, are completely legal.

Fans of the pocket searchlights are also quick to draw a distinction between red lasers, typically used by teachers in a classroom lecture setting, and the green lasers used by homosexuals and terrorists.

Todd Fox can be reached at toddfox4u@yahoo.com


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: algayda; gayclub; gayclubs; laser; lasers; perverts; sodomites; suv
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Al-Gayda??? :P
1 posted on 02/17/2005 9:28:17 AM PST by El Conservador
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To: KylaStarr; Cindy; StillProud2BeFree; nw_arizona_granny; Velveeta; Dolphy; appalachian_dweller; ...

ping


2 posted on 02/17/2005 9:29:37 AM PST by Calpernia (Breederville.com)
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To: El Conservador
For one gay couple, night out ends in handcuffs - I bet more than one
3 posted on 02/17/2005 9:30:07 AM PST by SF Republican
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To: El Conservador

My goodness! Gays selling drugs and gays with laser's. Don't they have enough trouble?!


4 posted on 02/17/2005 9:31:14 AM PST by SheLion (God bless our military members and keep them safe.)
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To: El Conservador; Slip
For one gay couple, night out ends in handcuffs

For many gay couples, that's how the evening starts.

or so I'm told

5 posted on 02/17/2005 9:31:22 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: El Conservador

Homophobic Investigators!!


6 posted on 02/17/2005 9:31:30 AM PST by Guillermo (HR 1146 repeals the United Nations Participation Act of 1945 - Call your Congresscritter!)
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To: El Conservador
[C]lub-goers often use the green laser pointers to add to the excitement on the dance floor . . . 
. . . a.k.a. the 'cock-pit'.
7 posted on 02/17/2005 9:31:54 AM PST by OhioAttorney
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To: El Conservador

I'm sorry, but the words, "Gay Night Club," and "Cockpit," have no business being together in the same article. It's just wrong.


8 posted on 02/17/2005 9:32:25 AM PST by Joe 6-pack ("It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.")
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To: Slip; Slip18

Sorry, that was for Subbie Slip18


9 posted on 02/17/2005 9:32:30 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: El Conservador

>>For one gay couple, night out ends in handcuffs<

Isn't that the way it ends for most? lol


10 posted on 02/17/2005 9:32:54 AM PST by rockabyebaby (What goes around, comes around!)
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Comment #11 Removed by Moderator

To: El Conservador

"...and the green lasers used by homosexuals and terrorists."

-OK, folks have a field day with the linking of these two groups through the miracle of agenda ladden sentence structure.


12 posted on 02/17/2005 9:33:21 AM PST by johnnycap
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To: El Conservador
investigators linked the green beams to gay nightclubs around the country, where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’

Please tell me this is Scrappleface
13 posted on 02/17/2005 9:33:27 AM PST by Vision (The New York Times...All the news to fit a one world government)
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To: El Conservador
"Fans of the pocket searchlights are also quick to draw a distinction between red lasers, typically used by teachers in a classroom lecture setting, and the green lasers used by homosexuals and terrorists."

Sometimes I think I get too much information on FR.

14 posted on 02/17/2005 9:34:20 AM PST by Gingersnap
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To: El Conservador
But while this particular couple got off, authorities now believe that gay club-goers may have been responsible for pointing lasers at aircraft in other areas. The FBI is said to be interviewing patrons of the following nightclubs about recent laser episodes:

An unfortunate choice of words..

15 posted on 02/17/2005 9:34:22 AM PST by Paradox (Occam was probably right.)
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To: El Conservador
I guess I'd better shelve the green laser I bought to play with the cat, eh?

...and no, the cat and I are strictly plutonic.

16 posted on 02/17/2005 9:34:35 AM PST by Egon (Government is a guard-dog to be fed, not a cow to be milked.)
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To: El Conservador

"where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’"

MKIV-MOD1 Booty targeting laser.


17 posted on 02/17/2005 9:35:02 AM PST by dljordan
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To: El Conservador
where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’

Hey kid, you could put an eye out with that thing.

18 posted on 02/17/2005 9:35:35 AM PST by faq
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To: El Conservador; Lil'freeper

Oh those randy little scamps. < /limp-wristed-accent>


19 posted on 02/17/2005 9:35:56 AM PST by big'ol_freeper (World Series Champion Boston Red Sox!! Has a nice ring to it.)
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To: Calpernia

To add to the joke, the airport has to be "Love Field" --- you basically have to drive through the Dallas gay neighborhood (Oak Cliff? Oak Lawn? something) to get out of the airport and go downtown.

My wife and I just gawked like the red-state voters we are at the bizarre scene.


20 posted on 02/17/2005 9:36:02 AM PST by MeanWestTexan
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