Terri Schiavo Spared by 'Endangered' Designation (Warning: Strong Satire!)

scrappleface.com ^ | 2005-02-19 | Scott Ott

[NYTexan]

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) has, at least temporarily, saved the life of Terri Schindler-Schiavo, the Florida woman whose former husband, Michael, had planned to disconnect her feeding tube on Tuesday.

The 11th-hour reprieve came in response to a plea from the Schindler family to have Terri classified as a silver rice rat (Oryzomys argentatus), considered an endangered species by the state of Florida and the USFWS.

"It was a longshot," said activist Randall Terry, who has recently come to the aid of the Schindler family in their efforts to save Terri from death by starvation. "But if we can prove that Terri is a silver rice rat, her life is protected by the state and the federal government."

Mr. Terry contacted the USFWS after learning that it is illegal to kill dozens of creatures in Florida, including the leatherback seaturtle, the marsh rabbit, the saltmarsh vole, the shortnose sturgeon, the Choctawhatchee beach mouse and the oval pigtoe (a mollusk).

"If we can apply to get Terri classified as a different endangered species each month, we can give her several more years of life," Mr. Terry said. "I know it sounds dehumanizing, but under our laws a rat has more of a right to life than this woman."

[NYTexan]

Satire Alert!

I know there are a lot of folks very sensitive to this issue. Myself included!

Please know this is strong SATIRE! Don't make me put on the asbestos PJ's!

[NYTexan]

Pinging the usual suspects!



(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me know!)

[livius]

but under our laws a rat has more of a right to life than this woman."

It may be satire, but it's 100% accurate.

[FormerACLUmember]

Hard and sharp... and sadly, completely accurate.

[deepFR]

Only way liberals would attempt to save her at this point is if she awoke from coma long enough to go on a killing rampage and put on death row, very messed world and times in which we live.

[spokeshave]

" it is illegal to kill dozens of creatures in Florida, including the leatherback seaturtle, the marsh rabbit, the saltmarsh vole, the shortnose sturgeon, the Choctawhatchee beach mouse and the oval pigtoe (a mollusk). "

Also illegal (thanks PETA) to give electroshock treatment to animals......so how come Micaele took Terri to California for electro-shock "therapy"...? ...enquiring minds seek to know.

[Darkwolf377]

If it suddenly came out that she was on her way to an abortion clinic before she ended up in a coma the NOW crowd would be guarding her room in shifts.

[NYTexan]

That would be something to see!

Abortion followed by euthanasia, how low can they go?

[supercat]

Only way liberals would attempt to save her at this point is if she awoke from coma long enough to go on a killing rampage and put on death row, very messed world and times in which we live.

I've thought of that angle, but unfortunately the only crimes she could possibly have committed would be ones whose statute of limitations has long since elapsed. Otherwise if she could be charged with something that would be a basis for bringing her before a judge other than Lord Voldemort Greer.

[Ciexyz]

Satire ping.

[dufekin]

Can't we find something like this (unfortunately satire);

Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour today demanded the extradition of Terri Schindler Schiavo from Florida. The Issaquena County court issued a warrant for her arrest because she parked illegally in the county in 1979.

Under Mississippi law, evading the appropriate penalty for illegal parking for a period of twenty years constitutes a felony and requires a court appearance. If convicted, Terri will face a minimum seven years at hard labor, during which time she will not have access to any medical care unless prison guards determine that it will enhance or restore her productivity on the chain gang.

Florida Governor Jeb Bush attempted to carry out the extradition, but Death-Decree Judge Greer blocked the extradition on the grounds that Teri deserves to starve to death. The Issaquena County sheriff, however, retained her release upon proclaiming, "no work, no food in my prison," thus winning over the support of the legal guardian of the prisoner.

After Terri returned to Mississippi, the Sheriff explained that he would rehabilitate Terri so that she could work on the county road crew while awaiting trial for her grievous offenses against the State of Mississippi.

[supercat]

Under Mississippi law, evading the appropriate penalty for illegal parking for a period of twenty years constitutes a felony and requires a court appearance. If convicted, Terri will face a minimum seven years at hard labor, during which time she will not have access to any medical care unless prison guards determine that it will enhance or restore her productivity on the chain gang.

I like it. Too bad she paid her parking tickets on time. Who'd think paying a parking ticket could cause one's death?

[supercat]

I think I've been staring at Terri stuff too long. I just got an idea for a bad sci-fi film, where the bad guy goes back in time to pay off Terri's parking ticket to prevent what would otherwise be her eventual extradition and rescue.

[TBP]

This is satire, unfortunately, but someone better save her from that cheating, money-grubbing husband who has been trying to kill her for a while.

Michael Schiavo, meet Scott Peterson.

[supercat]

Michael Schiavo, meet Scott Peterson.

Too bad we can't offer SP a supervised furlough chance to reduce his sentence by good behavior.

[TheRatHunter]

Satire of the most biting kind, but it's absolutely true. Liberals would sooner save a rat's life than that of a disabled woman.

[Ethan_Allen]

'Also illegal (thanks PETA) to give electroshock treatment to animals......so how come Micaele took Terri to California for electro-shock "therapy"...? ...enquiring minds seek to know.'

I don't know, but searching Dr. Breggins site a while back, I ran across the statement (I THINK it was made by Dr. Breggins but I am not sure): 'when someone tells me a patient needs shock therapy, I ask them, what is it they need to forget.'

I haven't found that, but I did see this:

'A shock-induced seizure is typically far more severe than those suffered during spontaneous epilepsy. In early times, when the shock patient's body was not paralyzed by pharmacological agents, it would undergo muscle spasm sufficiently violent at times to ** crack vertebrae and break limb bones.'

When was that bone scan and what did it reveal again? Michael said Terri underwent it for a year. Somewhere I was reading also that Terri's brain had improved between 1996 and 2002. Is there anything here?

[Ethan_Allen]

Electroshock Treatments, It's Hazards http://www.breggin.com/electroshock.html

Peter R. Breggin (not Breggins, my mistake) Home:
http://www.breggin.com/

[Ethan_Allen]

'8. Ban maintenance ECT. Forcing repeated convulsions on the human brain over an extended period of time renders individuals unable to perceive the damage being done to them, and hence unable to protest their mental deterioration. *** Repeated exposure to electrically-induced seizures ultimately leads to dementia.'

Proposals for the regulation of electrochock
http://www.breggin.com/ectregulation.html

[pc93]

Wonderful Idea to increase the bursting of the blogosphere for Terri from News From the Backporch

http://newsfromthebackporch.blogspot.com

A Blog For Terri

Make a blog for Terri Schindler

go to http://www.blogger.com

Make a blog in 3 easy steps

It's FREE

Link to other Blogs for Terri at

http://www.blogsforterri.com/

The link to join the Blogburst is

http://www.blogsforterri.com/join.php

Protect Terri from those who
are trying to kill her.

They want to start killing her as
early as February 22nd, 2005. This coming Tuesday.

---

"I don't want anyone trying
to feed that girl...
the law of the case is
that she is going to die"
-- pseudo judge George W. Greer
from the bench in 2001.