Posted on 03/17/2005 8:33:29 AM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs
Great jokes!
And Northern Yankee, they ran out of Guinness, so I'm enjoying a Murphy's now for you as I read the jokes.
OK...one more attempt....
Two Irishmen (Gerald and Patrick??) are shipwrecked off the coast of Ireland in a little fishing boat that has broken down and left them helplessly adrift for almost three days, with no visible help in sight. Very thirsty and hungry, they both scan the horizon for some one to rescue them, when Gerald sees a corked bottle bobbing in the water not far from the boat.
He yells at Patrick, "Do ya see that bottle? Let's try to paddle over to it! It might have something in it that we can drink to quench our thirst!!"
Patrick agrees and they both frantically try to manuver the little boat within reach of the bottle, and are successful as Gerald is able to finally grab the bottle and bring it on board the boat. The bottle is quite crusty and dirty which hides it's contents, but Gerald is able to
remove the cork in the top of it to try and discover what it holds.
Much to Patrick and Gerald's amazement, a great plume of smoke exits the bottle with a mighty thrust, and the smoke turns in to what appears to be a Genie, a very greatful genie who is now freed from his long imprisonment.
The genie says;" You two have freed me at last from that horrible bottle, for which I now I am going to repay the both of you by granting you one wish. Since you only have one wish to share between the two of you, I will give you both a moment to agree on what that wish will be."
Gerald says "Boy I could sur go for a nice big cold bottle of Guinness right now !!"
Patrick says "Me too, but don't you think that one bottle of Guinness is quite a lame wish? We're not that far from land, and when we finally get rescued, you might regret wasting our one wish on one little bottle of stout, when at this moment our thirst shouldn't get in the way of rationally thinking of something more substantial !!"
Gerald listens to Patrick's plea and thinks for a moment. Suddenly his face brightens and beams as he says to Patrick " OK, I've got an idea for a much bigger wish, and since I saw the bottle and retrieved it, let ME make our one wish, and I don't think you'll be disappointed with it's results.!!"
Patrick looks at his best friend Gerald and reluctantly replies,"OK, if you're sure that you've thought it out carefully,I'll trust that you will do the best for us with our one and only wish !!"
Gerald motions to the genie to come closer so that he can whisper the wish to the him, so as to surprise Patrick with the results of the wish. After whispering the wish to the genie, the genie asks Gerald, " Have you though this wish out very thouroughly as it is your only wish??"
Gerald confidently replies " Yes I have, and we are eager ready for you to fulfill it !!
The genie crosses his arms across his chest, and with a nod of his head proclaims "It is done, and enjoy!!"
The genie exits Gerald and Patrick's presence in a huge puff of thick smoke, and as the smoke clears, both of them can now see that the very undrinkable seawater that they both have been foating on for three days, has now turned into a very palatable ocean of Guinness, as far as they both can see.
As they both suddenly realize that their almost unbearable thirst, and almost total despair, has now, for the moment, taken a miraculous turn for the better, they both lean over the side of the little boat and gourge themselves to the point of overinduilgence on the Guinness that now totally surrounds them. Their thirst finally satisfied for the first time in 3 days, they both are able to finally have a relaxing moment.
After an hour or so of them both silently enjoying and savoring the results of Gerald's wish to the genie, Gerald speaks first as he asks Patrick."Well, I didn't waste our wish on one small bottle of Guinness like you asked me not to do, I made it the biggest supply of Guinness that I could think of for the both of us can enjoy until we're rescued !!"
Patrick, now awakening from almost an hour of rest after drinking the most beer he ever has in the shortest amount of time, replies to Gerald " Yes it's the largest amount of Guinness we'll both ever see and drink, but I asked you Gerald, to totally think our wish through before you made it to the genie, and you said you would, but you have totally wasted our wish on this massive ocean of Guinness we are floating on, by your shortsightedness of the consequences of such a wish !!"
Gerald defensively replies "You said make it a BIG wish, we we're both almost dead from thirst, so I made it the biggest ammount of Guinness I could think of !!"
Patrick retorts. "But you didn't think the wish out thouroughly enough !! Why didn't you just have the genie put some large kegs of Guinness in our boat?? That would have quenched our thirst, and not left us in the growing delema that you have put us in !!"
Gerald asks:"What do you mean dilema?? YOU wanted me to make it a BIG wish, and I did.!! We have all the Guinness we want until we're rescued, and all you can do is complain.!!"
Patrick says "Gerald, you made it TOO big of a wish !! A couple of kegs in the boat would have been quite a substantial wish considering our predicament at the time you made it, but by not thinking it all out like I asked you to to, your wish is going to slowly put us back to almost the same position we were we were in before you made it !!"
"How can that be??" Gerald inquires.
Patrick angrily replies: "Because of your not totally thinking out the consequences of the your wish before you made it, don't you realize that from now on untill we are rescued...WE GOTTA PEE IN THE BOAT !!""
I am envious.
I trust you had a great time?
Snowstorm on the way.
I hope you finish off the night with a good Irish coffee.
The secret is to get a nice Irish Whiskey... John Jamison... add it to a heated cup. Pour in coffee black.
Put whip cream on top. (We make ours from heavy whipped cream, and add brown sugar rather than powdered sugar.)
A bit of Heaven on earth.
Growing up I remember hearing whisky if Scotch, whiskey if Irish. Bourbon was never discussed.
"I thought it was whiskey!"
No, whiskey was God's invention to keep the Irish from controlling the world.
My old man had that up on a sign behind his desk.
LOL, I'm glad I didn't miss this thread, thanks.
Happy belated St. Pat's Day.
Thanks. :-)
Hmmm, he should've wished for a bigger boat, LOL.
LOL!
The Russians actually have a perfect ejector seat for their Kamov attack helicopters. First ever for a copter.
ha ha ha
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