Posted on 04/10/2005 9:30:35 AM PDT by Arpege92
My fellow Americans:
As you know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is now complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My Press Secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinately. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraq war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all you help comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon Chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about what ever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on list 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might not want to try pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is on list 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to elimate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on list 1. A final thought. Thanks guy. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on list 2. A final thought. Drop dead.
God Bless America Thank you and goodnight.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading this in English, thank a soldier.
Unfortunately, lists like these have helped lead to such things as World War One.
Nice to think about President Charlie Daniels giving such a tail-twister, though!
Well, I can't say that I think our mission is complete. The mission, as it was in Germany and Japan, was to:
1. Prevent the same parties from coming to power again, so the problem stays fixed.
2. Keep the country stabilized, giving democracy a chance to take root.
Good..but it won't happen. Especially about Mexico.
why the rant against israel..:-)))
Not my rant. I got this from a friend. I do love the threat about the chop shops though.
This part isn't right. The list is NOT short; it's over 30 nations who have pitched in to varying degrees. I guess it's short compared to the other list, but suggesting it's short is almost like libspeak.
What was the "giveaway"?
This paragraph:
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
It would take way too long to state the obvious, but this crap has as much chance of being moved along by me as me becoming a flying pig mechanic.
What of those countries that stood by the US in Afghanistan but not Iraq?
Yes I thought the same thing. Don't take this speech seriously though....it's only meant to be humerous. :-}
I wonder if Pat Buchanan started this email.
Like I said before....I did not write this. It was sent to me by a friend. Let me go back and see if I can find the original author. Geez!
My hubby will check with our friend as to where this came from. This was supposed to be a humerous speech....obviously you are short on humor today. Don't pass it along....I don't care.
You managed to miss that.
The U. S. foreign aid budget is about $17 billion a year. That's somewhat less than 1% of the federal budget, and a good deal less than the costs of the Iraq War.
You are wound pretty tight aren't ya? Loosen up a little and enjoy this speech for it really is....humor. That's all.
Oh my goodness. I'm sorry I posted this. For those who don't see the humor in it....move along. For those that do....enjoy it.
I bet you really regret it now.
Never know what's going to happen on Free Republic.
I have found this to be humorous, not the letter itself, but the mighty fine roasting. I was getting a little chilly :-).
I got this a while ago and it IS funny.
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