Posted on 05/24/2005 5:42:44 AM PDT by NCSteve
WASHINGTON - A coalition of Republicans and the five remaining Democrats in the US Senate held a press conference today to announce they had reached a historic deal to avert a crisis over changes in Senate filibuster rules.
The deal, announced in a press conference called by maverick Republican Senator John McCain, will preserve the Senate filibuster while allowing Republican Senators to announce three new pieces of legislation during the remainder of this Senate term. In return, Republicans have agreed not to change Senate rules requiring a 96% majority vote an a motion of cloture.
Democrats hailed the deal, architected by maverick Republican Senator John McCain, as a victory for Republicans everywhere. Democratic Party chairman Howard Stern said, "It's good to know that there are some Republicans left who won't be held hostage to extremist elements in their party who insist on clinging to the anacronistic concept of majority rule."
The five remaining Senate Democrats, Kennedy, Kerry, Schumer, Clinton, and Boxer, said through a spokesperson that they were relieved that free speech and the rights of minorities everywhere could not be easily trampled. The spokesperson went on to say that the Senators had long been concerned about certain extremist elements in the GOP who were convinced that margins of 95% somehow represented the will of the people.
Senate Republican leaders offered no comment on the deal other than to say they were aware that Senator McCain had been working with Democrats. The Senate Majority Leader could not be reached for comment as he was attending seminars in Paris entitled, "How to Surrender And Become Irrelevant Without Losing One's Self Esteem."
The White House noted that the deal had been in the works for quite some time. The President expressed confidence that "the Senate leadership will let me know when they have this thing ironed out. Until then, it wouldn't be a good idea to get involved with the internal workings of the Senate."
In other news, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals today declared Article 1, Section 8 of the US Constitution to be unconstitutional. The three judge panel opined that "it is ridiculous to think that the framers would have wanted that document to interfere with the rights of government to conduct the lives of its citizens." In a deal cut earlier in this Senate term, Republicans ceded the right to appoint any Federal judges in return for a pledge from Democrats to refrain from "saying bad things about us in the press." Democrats lauded that deal, engineered by maverick Republican Senator John McCain as "visionary."
Good one, pal. We need the laugh.
Hehehehe...thanks for the early a.m. laugh. I started watching the McCain crap last night, and when he started joking around and announcing his movie on A&E this weekend, I turned the channel.
Good one.
I find this very believable. ;-o
Help me out here:
Is "maverick" a Mex word for "spineless self-aggrandizing @sshole?"
Satire ping.
Very cute!
You forgot Mccain's middle name. Keating.
Yeah, he was definitely the lead singer for The Keating Five. What a bum this guy is. I can understand why people in Arizona went for his routine at first -- he did seem like a regular Conservative -- but aren't there some serious challenges starting to emerge by now? My guess is he gets enough Rat support that he doesn't need much from the GOP, just votes from RINOs and the politically clueless who see a name they recognize and vote for it automatically.
Who knew you could be funny!~&&(O)&&~
Very good! I needed a chuckle.
Very, very funny. Thanks.
Brian.
Steve, Do you find satire to be cathartic?
Always, Huber.
I'm not sure whether it is a case of realizing how much worse things could actually be or whether it is just the time-out effect of standing back and laughing at a situation that would make you cry otherwise. Either way, it works for me.
Last night, when McCain showed up on Fox News and started his ego massage, I was so angry I had to ask my wife to change the channel before I did damage to the television. I woke up with this satire in my head this morning, but I was still very angry. After I posted it, things got better!
I'm still angry, but not violently angry. Cathartic is a good word to describe the experience.
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