The look of Catch Me If You Can
Posted on 06/08/2005 6:17:39 AM PDT by Constitution Day
Fly Me a River
The King Hussein Center happens to be stocked with lissome young ladies,” wrote Jay Nordlinger the other day. He was reporting for National Review Online from the Davos Middle Eastern confab in Jordan, and, although he had many insightful observations to make about the big geopolitical socioeconomic questions of our time, it was the “lissome young ladies” who caught my eye, as evidently they had caught his. Jay’s no slouch at the in-depth investigative-journalism stuff, so, warming to his theme, he went on to report that many of the “hostesses” were wearing the uniform of Royal Jordanian Airlines. Ah, yes, I sighed contentedly, as the memories came flooding back. In recent years, my flights to the Middle East have begun with a little US Airways twin-prop down to Boston or New York — no “cabin service” at all; they don’t have any on their bigger planes either, but at least on the twin-props there’s no hatchet-faced “flight attendant” in shiny stretch pants and flat shoes shuffling along the aisle doling out mini-bags of mini-pretzels to remind you of all the “cabin service” you’re not getting. In Boston or New York, I switch to Virgin — much better: proper “trolley dollies” in bright smart red skirts and heels and the best kind of peppy Estuary English accents that make you feel like you’re Austin Powers and they’re at least prepared to pretend you’re shagadelic. And then in London, for the final leg (as it were), it’s Royal Jordanian to Amman — bliss: “air hostesses” in dapper stylish uniforms that, like Singapore and the other great Asian airlines, are an artful combination of native elements from local culture and retro cool from our own. East is East and West is West and ne’er the twain shall meet, but on the best national carriers from east of Suez they come pretty close. The Royal Jordanian gals had our man Nordlinger waxing nostalgic. “These uniforms are a real throwback, to the America of the 1950s or so,” he wrote. “You remember that movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio played that conman, who posed as a pilot for Eastern or something? You remember that bevy of fresh, eager, fetching stewardesses (and in those days, you could use the word ‘stewardess’ — ‘flight attendant’ was a long way off)?”
If you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane.
Catch Me If You Can, the DiCaprio caper in question, does a grand job of evoking that era — the jet-age glamour of the air terminals with the flying-saucer shapes; Sinatra singing “Come Fly with Me” with that marvelous Billy May intro that sounds like an orchestral Boeing taxi-ing down the runway and taking off into the blue; and, of course, the gals.
Which begs the question: Where did it all go? In America, that is. U.S. air travel is the exception that proves the rule about American service: In a Welsh restaurant or Austrian department store, I long for American waitresses and sales clerks. But on USAir or Northwest or Continental, I pine fondly for Royal Jordanian or British or Thai Airways. I yield to no one in the amount of derision I’m willing to heap on “Old Europe,” but, if it’s a choice between Delta and Air France, or United and Lufthansa, I’m with Jacques and Gerhard in wanting to put as much distance as possible between me and the arrogant bullying unilateralist Yank, if only when airborne and pushing a cart of Clamato cans.
Two years ago, an American Express survey revealed that 55 percent of customers had found a “noticeable decline” in cabin service since 9/11, which is pretty amazing because it was a good nine-tenths down the abyss before 9/11. The Wall Street Journal reported the dissatisfactions of “flight attendants” — “A lot of us,” said Glenda Talley of US Airways, “are in a terrible mood before we even set foot on the plane.” “There’s more stress to the job,” complained Kristi Tucker of Delta. “As human beings we can only take so much,” said someone from United. Yeah, fly me a river, baby.
Or how about this? According to flight attendant René Foss, “It didn’t take long after Sept. 11 for people to start acting like complete idiots again.” The first sign you’re acting like a complete idiot is when you book a ticket with these guys. The Journal proposed eight improvements airlines could introduce — more legroom, junk the cart, predictable stuff. But no one thought to address the most obvious defect — that U.S. airlines look just awful, beginning with the shiny shapeless prison-warden garb of their staff, the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism. I’m not being sexist here — if you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane; when the networks have exhausted every other lame makeover reality-show concept, they should do Queer Eye for the Fly Guy. But the point is, for many folks, an airline ticket is one of the biggest single payments we make other than for a car or house, and in return we get a grubby bus ride with seat restraints.
True, many of those spiffy foreign airlines are either state-owned or de facto monopolies. But America’s federally-bailed-out basket-case carriers aren’t exactly shining exemplars of ruthless capitalism. And their government-subsidized contempt for the public starts with the look — the look of the planes and the look of the staff, the look that says, “Who needs a look?” When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
They are dressed in the clothes that make it easiest to do the job. As we all should be.
May favorite flight was on British Airways. The only nondomestic flight I've ever been on.
I'd rather hold my nose and pay $84.00 to fly SOUTHWEST from Baltimore to Buffalo, NY...than $200+...just so that I can gawk at an attractive aloof flight attendant.
I could buy a few lap dances with the difference...not that I would, mind ya!
Thanks for the ping, Pokey! The BEST flights I've ever been on were non-domestic, as well. You would think that some of the so-called "bastions of capitalism", like the airlines, would realize what they're giving up by poor attitude and "entitlement" philosophy.
On a side note, I have often said that the bail-out money was a mistake. They should have just bought a LOT of vouchers for government travel instead of "gimme" money. This is what we get when we subsidize stuff, more bad decisions.
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars...
An American Expat in Southeast Asia
Are you really the Watson's guy??? I buy my soap there.
I would respond to that infuriating comment, but find that I cannot without profanity.
I appreciate any posting of Steyn's work and the ping.
However, this particular piece is uncharacteristically lightweight and obtuse - quite disappointing.
I hope Mark gets back to his real work and true calling very soon.
Mr. Steyn,
Two words for ya:
Hooters Air.
  Frank Sinatra FLY ME TO THE MOON Julie London CRY ME A RIVER Julie London MOONRAKER Shirley Bassey MISTY Sarah Vaughn  |
It is a sad commentary that more people are afraid of lawyers than terrorists.
My car has been hit a few times & unless there is real damage, I don't bother with insurance info either. I have been lucky with this twice in reverse twice in my lifetime. One person who backed into my car in a parking lot actually left me a note with real contact info once. I was shocked & grateful.
British Airways is fabulous.
But, I have also had great service on a Southwest flight. The flight attendent to a liking to us & we got free drinks & all the nuts we could eat.
Nice rant. My comliments.
Steyn isn't gonna know what hit him. never mind cute little things in skirts, how about your own jet, with no travel stress and being treated like a human being.
You think the airlines have pension problems now?
You think people may be tired of taking of their shoes and their replacement hips setting of the buzzers?
I can't wait for that Jet....
I'll agree. Although I've flown Luftansa before.
My trip on BA had this nice old guy for a steward that was chatty and just a hoot to listen to on the PA. At the end of the flight he announced that he was retiring and that was his last flight. I think I got over to shake his hand and congratulate him.
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