The look of Catch Me If You Can
Posted on 06/08/2005 6:17:39 AM PDT by Constitution Day
Fly Me a River
The King Hussein Center happens to be stocked with lissome young ladies,” wrote Jay Nordlinger the other day. He was reporting for National Review Online from the Davos Middle Eastern confab in Jordan, and, although he had many insightful observations to make about the big geopolitical socioeconomic questions of our time, it was the “lissome young ladies” who caught my eye, as evidently they had caught his. Jay’s no slouch at the in-depth investigative-journalism stuff, so, warming to his theme, he went on to report that many of the “hostesses” were wearing the uniform of Royal Jordanian Airlines. Ah, yes, I sighed contentedly, as the memories came flooding back. In recent years, my flights to the Middle East have begun with a little US Airways twin-prop down to Boston or New York — no “cabin service” at all; they don’t have any on their bigger planes either, but at least on the twin-props there’s no hatchet-faced “flight attendant” in shiny stretch pants and flat shoes shuffling along the aisle doling out mini-bags of mini-pretzels to remind you of all the “cabin service” you’re not getting. In Boston or New York, I switch to Virgin — much better: proper “trolley dollies” in bright smart red skirts and heels and the best kind of peppy Estuary English accents that make you feel like you’re Austin Powers and they’re at least prepared to pretend you’re shagadelic. And then in London, for the final leg (as it were), it’s Royal Jordanian to Amman — bliss: “air hostesses” in dapper stylish uniforms that, like Singapore and the other great Asian airlines, are an artful combination of native elements from local culture and retro cool from our own. East is East and West is West and ne’er the twain shall meet, but on the best national carriers from east of Suez they come pretty close. The Royal Jordanian gals had our man Nordlinger waxing nostalgic. “These uniforms are a real throwback, to the America of the 1950s or so,” he wrote. “You remember that movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio played that conman, who posed as a pilot for Eastern or something? You remember that bevy of fresh, eager, fetching stewardesses (and in those days, you could use the word ‘stewardess’ — ‘flight attendant’ was a long way off)?”
If you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane.
Catch Me If You Can, the DiCaprio caper in question, does a grand job of evoking that era — the jet-age glamour of the air terminals with the flying-saucer shapes; Sinatra singing “Come Fly with Me” with that marvelous Billy May intro that sounds like an orchestral Boeing taxi-ing down the runway and taking off into the blue; and, of course, the gals.
Which begs the question: Where did it all go? In America, that is. U.S. air travel is the exception that proves the rule about American service: In a Welsh restaurant or Austrian department store, I long for American waitresses and sales clerks. But on USAir or Northwest or Continental, I pine fondly for Royal Jordanian or British or Thai Airways. I yield to no one in the amount of derision I’m willing to heap on “Old Europe,” but, if it’s a choice between Delta and Air France, or United and Lufthansa, I’m with Jacques and Gerhard in wanting to put as much distance as possible between me and the arrogant bullying unilateralist Yank, if only when airborne and pushing a cart of Clamato cans.
Two years ago, an American Express survey revealed that 55 percent of customers had found a “noticeable decline” in cabin service since 9/11, which is pretty amazing because it was a good nine-tenths down the abyss before 9/11. The Wall Street Journal reported the dissatisfactions of “flight attendants” — “A lot of us,” said Glenda Talley of US Airways, “are in a terrible mood before we even set foot on the plane.” “There’s more stress to the job,” complained Kristi Tucker of Delta. “As human beings we can only take so much,” said someone from United. Yeah, fly me a river, baby.
Or how about this? According to flight attendant René Foss, “It didn’t take long after Sept. 11 for people to start acting like complete idiots again.” The first sign you’re acting like a complete idiot is when you book a ticket with these guys. The Journal proposed eight improvements airlines could introduce — more legroom, junk the cart, predictable stuff. But no one thought to address the most obvious defect — that U.S. airlines look just awful, beginning with the shiny shapeless prison-warden garb of their staff, the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism. I’m not being sexist here — if you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane; when the networks have exhausted every other lame makeover reality-show concept, they should do Queer Eye for the Fly Guy. But the point is, for many folks, an airline ticket is one of the biggest single payments we make other than for a car or house, and in return we get a grubby bus ride with seat restraints.
True, many of those spiffy foreign airlines are either state-owned or de facto monopolies. But America’s federally-bailed-out basket-case carriers aren’t exactly shining exemplars of ruthless capitalism. And their government-subsidized contempt for the public starts with the look — the look of the planes and the look of the staff, the look that says, “Who needs a look?” When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
Your reply left out the key piece of the sentence and the truest--"the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism"
That is accurate in my eyes. Your union has done you no favors.
And so is the crew. The "flight attendants" for some strange reason feel superior to the passengers, what a joke. Their smugness and self righteous is obnoxious. As Dice Clay said. "just bring me a pillow honey"
I agree with you completely. People want different things from different flights. The family of 4 who is off to a vacation destination wants the cheapest flight. So what if the seats are cramped - the adults can spill over into the kids' space.
The business person who is flying cross country at company expense will pay more for extra leg room, an Internet connection, and some refreshment (even if that costs extra)
The person who is flying Internationally, with several connections (like Steyn was describing) really does want room and service.
I don't think one airline would find it profitable to have so many different configurations and employee levels. Right now, they all seem to be catering just to the family vacation - the cheapest ticket, period. Some flights don't even have business and/or first class options anymore.
What are you talking about?
What does his expense account have to do with bad service at airlines?
I would suggest that if Mr. Steyn wants a hottie to pour his drinks he should try the deep-discount sardine carriers such as Transat or Skyservice. All of their attendants are in their twenties because it's their first job and they are biding their time until they have enough experience for a shot at something approximating a living wage. Sure they're probably crabby because they're overworked, underpaid and ill-appreciated but he'll have some eye candy to look at while he's sitting on the tarmac in a third-world country because the carrier has no extra planes and they're waiting for the spare parts to come in from the Airbus plant. /rant
A funny bumper sticker I've seen:
Flight Attendants: We're here to save your a**, not serve it.
Right. I'll be the one carrying you out of the debris on my back, IF we're both alive, you nasty thing.
Ah, another pompous, over rated employee of the disaster unions of our airlines. Please go out of business. Foreign airlines will replace you quickly, with better service and better attitudes. Your smugness indicates that you feel you are irreplaceable, guess what your not.
LOL...or, better yet, just go to a freakin' cocktail bar when you arrive, if that's what you want so badly. But note that you still get what you pay for: you have to tip cocktail waitresses.
I don't know about Mr. Steyn, but I certainly do.
You sound like you work for United.
Your reponses indicate that I am right on the money.
Hey half wit, people aren't complaining about Southwest, just you overpaid, over pensioned obnoxious unionized group of self serving morons that work especially for United. Maybe you fools ought to try being friendly to the passengers for a change. YOU are not the anything more than a service employee that should serve your customer, not treat them like crap. The world will survive the failure of the the major US airlines and will be replaced quickly by others. Your union has killed the domestic industry and will be replaced. YOU ARE NOT VITAL.
One of the reasons I got a PP ASEL ticket: so I only have to fly comercial three or four times a year instead of twice a week.
The cost of aircrew salaries are negligible to the industry; the biggest expenses are capital, fuel and maintenance. I can guarantee that if every pilot and hostie started working for free tomorrow the net effect on the fare you pay would be less than five bucks.
You may think airline pilots are a bunch of overpaid glamour boys who do nothing but push buttons but do you have any clue why they make such attractive salaries? Supply and demand, FRiend, because getting qualified for the job takes so much time and money that most can't afford to keep doing it. My first instructor washed out because his wife had a baby and he realized that five years making less than minimum wage was no way to support a family. That's right, less than minimum wage. The instructor who took me to my licence in 1999 is now running overnight cargo in light twins for $500 a week. To get to this stage she has probably spent at least 30 grand on training. Copilots on turboprops make less than $30k and most of them have close to a decade of training and more than a thousand hours in the air. Would you work like that for what they're offered? The career path of a professional pilot who's lucky is a few years of grinding poverty, a few years barely keeping afloat and then maybe- just maybe- a shot at the majors with a salary high enough to leave a little bit to set aside for retirement after paying off the two ex-wives who ditched you because you were never home and they got tired of living in the worst part of town. If you're REALLY lucky and you don't get grounded for medical reasons you might be able to set enough aside for the day that the FAA congratulates you for becoming too old to fly, tells your boss to dump you and wishes you a happy retirement.
So why do they do it? I sure don't know. I love flying but there is no way I could do what they do long enough to make a good living at it.
The next time you want to suggest that pilots are pompous or overpaid, ask yourself how much your life is worth. If you honestly believe that saving five dollars is worth the prospect of spending several hours six miles above the planet inside hundreds of tonnes of metal wrapped in kerosene controlled by a guy who's exhausted because he just came from his other job moonlighting on a loading dock, then do us all a favour and stay on the ground.
Nope. Not in the industry at all. Just a lowly private pilot in the wild blue yonder over Toronto.
Even if that were to happen they'd probably hire the same guys, because most carriers outside of Europe do most of their hiring in the UK, US, Canada and Oz.
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