Posted on 07/15/2005 7:47:16 PM PDT by CHARLITE
Back in March, I received an e-mail from a stranger. He identified himself as Dr. Laura Schlessingers producer. He explained that they were planning for her to do a one-woman stage show. Although the second act would consist entirely of Dr. Lauras answering written questions from the audience, they wanted a funny script for the opening act. Would I be interested in having a meeting? Sure, Im game for just about anything that doesnt involve heavy lifting or getting on an airplane.
So it was that a couple of weeks later, I drove up the coast to Schlessingers home in Hope Ranch, a very chi-chi part of Santa Barbara. The dinner was first-rate and apparently I passed muster because I was invited aboard the project.
We agreed on a basic format, which consisted, for the most part, of my writing monologues in addition to letters and phone calls to Dr. Laura from famous people and fictional characters, all seeking her help with their problems.
I went home and began writing. As Id complete a page or two, Id e-mail it to Ms. Schlessinger. As a rule, she seemed pleased. When she wasnt, shed let me know and Id take another whack at it. As I had told her and her producer, a nice guy named Geoff Rich, I have a normal amount of writers ego, but I was more than willing to submerge it in this case. When I was writing for television, after all, I was writing dialogue for actors to perform. If they didnt like what Id written, I was more than ready to argue about it. But this was different. Dr. Laura wasnt going out there as Hawkeye Pierce or Rhoda Morgenstern or Dr. Sloan, she was going on stage as herself, and she had to be totally comfortable saying the words I was putting in her mouth.
The first glitch occurred when I was mailed the deal memo. That was when I discovered that Dr. Laura was demanding the primary writing credit, even though she wasnt going to do any of the writing. I told the producer that I was willing to wager that the lady I listened to on the radio would give short shrift to anyone whose ego was so needy that shed insist on grabbing credit for work she hadnt performed. He laughed. Good point, he said. Laughter over, he added that she insisted on the credit.
I told him Id go along with it because I was preparing to fight over the royalty schedule. He gave in on the money.
In any case, I continued writing amusing, even witty, material for the next several weeks, all the time wondering when they were going to hire a director to start working with my star. Then I got the newsDr. Laura had flown back to New York to meet a few contenders, and had selected a woman with a background in soap operas. Fine. I really wasnt expecting Mike Nichols.
Dr. Laura e-mailed me to report that the director was coming west, and wed soon be getting together to figure out what more needed to be written. I waited. Then I waited some more. I finally decided I had gotten the dates wrong. I hadnt.
It seems that the director had not only arrived in Santa Barbara, but had begun working with Ms. Schlessinger. After three days, the director phoned the producer in New York and reported that it was hopeless. Dr. Laura couldnt memorize lines, no matter how brilliant they were, and was in a panic.
Now I had known all along that she felt uncertain about her ability to remember lines, but the producer and I both assumed that was merely a natural case of the jitters. She wasnt going to debut Dr. Laura: In My Never Humble Opinion (her title) in Santa Barbara until mid-August. Inasmuch as Id been feeding her pages since early April, she had months to work on it. Besides, the stage set we had discussed would provide plenty of places in which to cleverly conceal cue cards if she needed them as a crutch.
In any case, when Mr. Rich began his phone call with the old news that The good news is we have a director, it wasnt too hard to figure out that the bad news is that they no longer had a writer. The new plan called for Dr. Laura and the director to come up with ten topics that Laura felt she could discuss off the top of her head.
I was assured Id be paid in full always the right thing to say to a writer who has his lawyer on speed-dial. Before hanging up, I couldnt resist asking Mr. Rich if Dr. Laura always delegated others to extend her regrets.
In retrospect, I liked dinner, I liked Dr. Lauras house, her cars, and her producer. But I could only marvel at the chutzpah, the gall, of someone who spends three hours a day dispensing advice to people, telling them how they should behave, who signs off each and every hour with her signature, Now go and do the right thing, and who then behaves so boorishly in her own private life.
Dr. Laura, you insisted on stealing credit for work you werent going to do. And when, after three long months, because of your own inability to do something child actors do every day of the week, you dumped the person who did the work, you werent even decent enough to call or even e-mail an apology.
Im afraid you wouldnt know the right thing from a hole in the ground.
About the Writer: Burt Prelutsky is a humorist, movie reviewer, writer for television series and movies, and author of the new book, "Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco." His website is at http://burtprelutsky.com.
Burt receives e-mail at BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.
It all makes perfect sense. Dr Laura's mother was borderline nutcase. She made her daughter borderline nutcase with ambition. Daughter functions at a very high level, mother at a lower one. Daughter is fascinated with psychology as a way of understanding herself.
What sets Dr. Laura apart from many others with this profile is her cold ambition. Oprah has it, too, as well as Dr. Phil. Oprah's streak of borderline nutcase leaked out this week with her grudge against Hermes for not opening the door after hours to her. Again the cold ambition, "I'm somebody, don't you know!" Dr. Phil's streak hasn't shown clearly yet but it will. And the list goes on and on. Very interesting if you like studying psychology. Once they show their Achilles heel, they get humility and meet with Jesse Jackson for prayer sessions to regain the public affection.
They're all hypocrites, bigtime, and Burt Prelutsky, a gifted, funny writer who's been in the business and knows it inside out, is just pointing the hypocrisy out to us who see only the polished exteriors. He's entirely right to be disappointed, as it appears he assumed Dr. Laura was a cut above Hollywood average in manners and honest behavior. I guess he'd say, "Even after all these years in the biz, I still had something to learn."
Just my two cent's worth.
'Dr.' Laura is a COMPLETE FRAUD. Get real. She has been disavowed by both a major famiuly group and most the entire Jewish community of Dallas over her behavior, rudeness and outright basic courtesy for other people.
If you listen to her give you advice, perhaps you need more than you think you do.
I do in general agree with her regarding marriage. If you're a Christian, there are two reasons for allowable divorce. Yet many Christians use the "we've grown apart. we grown in different directions" yada, yada. yada. Those are not scriptural reasons for divorce. Adultry and a nonbeliever leaving a believer are. The only two. A Christian can't complain of growing apart, alchoholism and so forth and filing for divorce. Two people made a solemn oath before and to God and the world to stay through better or worse. When it gets slight less than better, too many want to fold the tent and move on.
"Dear Char--I just finished reading the responses. To answer the questions I can recall: I did get paid in full. I did not have any problems with Dr. Laura for the three months I was working on the show.
"I was not hired as a ghost writer. Even the contract gave me co-writing credit; the point is she was not doing any writing, but still insisted on getting a writing credit. That was something I did not think the Dr. Laura we know from the airwaves would find acceptable behavior in somebody else.
"In fact, after she read the piece, Laura wrote to say how much she had loved working with me. My nose was out of joint, not because of money, but because even three weeks after she and the director decided there was no way she could memorize the material, she hadn't gotten back to me. It's true that I was first approached by the producer, but it was Laura who had told him about me.
"It seems she had been a fan of mine from the days I wrote a humor column for the L.A. Times and was writing MASH scripts. I think that addresses the various points the readers raised. I guess I agree with those who feel that, considering her own well-publicized past, it would not be a bad idea if she wasn't so completely intolerant of other people's mistakes. Best wishes, Burt"
"I wasn't too surprised that Laura had her staunch defenders, but I was a little surprised by the ones who thought I was whining. I was attacking her for her hypocrisy. I have dealt, as you can imagine, with a lot of horses' patooties in TV, but none of them ever claimed to be a living saint, one who concluded every hour with a mantra of "Go and do the right thing."
"The readers who annoyed me were those who thought I was upset about the money or even about being let go. Under the sircumstances, they didn't have any choice. I was not bitter about it. In fact, from the very beginning, it didn't make sense to me that I was hired. I didn't quite see Laura doing comedy material, but I was told she really wanted it that way.
"So I obliged, and did my best. Which even she and the producer acknowledged was pretty good. In fact, her producer thought I should salvage the material for a funny book. Which I might do. Inasmuch as I signed the contract knowing she was going to share writing credit, I wasn't even kicking about that.
"But after working for three months, I thought this paragon of virtue owed me a call or at least an e-mail. Odd that so many people don't see to get it."
The Kennedys used to ski in Waterville Valley, NH, which is the next town east of me. I can introduce you to a whole bunch of people who can attest to their character.
And, yes, it is just as you might have suspected.
Thankfully, the ones who still survive have decided to go ski somewhere else. I don't know where and I don't care. Just as long as it's not around here.
John Sununu has a home here, though.
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None of what you attribute to the writer was in the piece.
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That is most telling.
Lets see..Runt,stunt, bundt, the late Allan Funt,.... hunt, there is a polster named Lundt..
I don't get his problem. I was expecting his essay to end with the revelation that he never got paid. Since he got paid, what's he beefing about? The usual problem for a a freelance writer is that the promised check is never mailed, or it bounces. Neither happened here. This guy has nothing to complain about.
She paid him. The rest is white noise.
I didn't attributing anything to the writer.
I used terms like "I can imagine" and "Perhaps". I was just offering a bit of conjecture, playing the devils advocate, offering a few thoughts. Simply put, Dr Laura can be overbearing and writers can be sensitive.
But I'm less inclined to believe that she would just "Rip someone off" and more inclined to believe that there was just a personal clash made worse by agents and publicists each pulling in a different direction. Hope this clears that up ;>
The guy did some writing and got paid. I don't get his gripe. Try being a waiter or waitress sometime and learn the true meaning of stiffed, and even then it may be because of your service. I know the guy says everyone loved his work, but the fact remains they didn't use it. So where's the beef??
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