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Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Accptable? ...Freeper Insight Needed
7.31.05 | mlmr

Posted on 07/31/2005 3:19:52 PM PDT by mlmr

So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.

These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.

Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?


TOPICS: Society
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1 posted on 07/31/2005 3:19:53 PM PDT by mlmr
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To: mlmr

My 23 year old daughter is getting married on Aug 13, she's living at home until the marriage. Good luck!


2 posted on 07/31/2005 3:22:33 PM PDT by Indy Pendance
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To: mlmr
Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?

Yes.

Depending upon which state you live you, you might be violating the law by asking these questions.

3 posted on 07/31/2005 3:22:45 PM PDT by Jeff Gordon (Recall Barbara Boxer)
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To: mlmr

Redo your ad.
Include this wording in your advertisement: "Married couples welcome."


4 posted on 07/31/2005 3:23:33 PM PDT by Cindy
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To: mlmr

Depends where you live. If you live in a liberal area this is probably more of an issue than it would be in other places.

That said, I'd never marry somebody without living with them first, I'm hardly alone in that, and if you're going to rent apartments to couples you can expect you'll have to deal with that a lot.


5 posted on 07/31/2005 3:23:41 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: mlmr

Hold on to your values and your self respect.


6 posted on 07/31/2005 3:24:57 PM PDT by wizr (Freedom ain't free.)
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To: Jeff Gordon

Unless there is something that changed, if you can prove you asked the same questions to every single applicant, it might not be unlawful. But, you have to prove you've asked every one. And then there are other factors, such as, is this rental unit owner occupied, under a certain number of units, etc. Definately needs to check the local laws though.


7 posted on 07/31/2005 3:25:06 PM PDT by Indy Pendance
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To: mlmr
To who?

I do not believe it is acceptable to God. As I read it, it is sin and sin is never good.

8 posted on 07/31/2005 3:25:16 PM PDT by Jeff Head (www.dragonsfuryseries.com)
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To: Jeff Gordon

In my state one can be much more fussy when renting to people in apartments attached to one's home.


9 posted on 07/31/2005 3:25:27 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: mlmr
I'm having trouble finding a roommate too. I'm looking for a 25 year old nymphomaniac with an obsessive cleaning compulsion disorder. ;-)
10 posted on 07/31/2005 3:25:36 PM PDT by Normal4me (I'm sweating like a muslim wearing a backpack on a London subway!)
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To: mlmr

Completely normal, and it is by far the norm in most places I've lived. Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but that is the reality. :-/


11 posted on 07/31/2005 3:25:36 PM PDT by tortoise (All these moments lost in time, like tears in the rain.)
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To: mlmr

"Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Acceptable?"
Answer: No.

My husband suggested you might try advertising at your church, too.


12 posted on 07/31/2005 3:26:14 PM PDT by Cindy
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To: mlmr

Yes, many couples live togethe before marriage. A lot. It doesn't seem to improve the odds of the marriage working, but then again, neither does a large wedding and lots of appliances.

If you want a young married couple, then I would suggest you put a notice up on the church bulletin board or newsletter.


13 posted on 07/31/2005 3:26:16 PM PDT by durasell (Friends are so alarming, My lover's never charming...)
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To: mlmr

Its living together after marriage thats always been a problem for me.


14 posted on 07/31/2005 3:26:39 PM PDT by wildcatf4f3 (whats wrong with a draft?)
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To: mlmr
...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?

It's rare anymore. It might still be around, but your pool potential renters in that realm will be significantly smaller.

Good luck.

15 posted on 07/31/2005 3:27:15 PM PDT by kstewskis ("I don't know what I know, but I know that it's big..." Jerry Fletcher)
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To: mlmr

I'm not sure that you as a landlord can prohibit such living arrangements, but premarital or extramarital ("romantic") cohabitation is a mortal sin and in many (or at least some) states remains forbidden and criminal (although its enforcement may be as lax as that for illegal immigration). Fornication and sodomy are serious matters and forbidden, even felonious, in many states. These are sexual criminals, perhaps subject to registration requirements if caught, convicted, and so sentenced in an appropriate jurisdiction.


16 posted on 07/31/2005 3:27:19 PM PDT by dufekin (US Senate: the only place where the majority [D] comprises fewer than the minority [R])
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To: mlmr

I'm still living at home. I find your quandry a sad commentary on the social situation today.


17 posted on 07/31/2005 3:27:22 PM PDT by cyborg (to love,honor and obey...)
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To: mlmr

One of my 25 year old twins and I just had a talk about this yesterday. She is dating a young man I like very much. I said that, to move in together before marriage is a very bad idea. She agrees. Girls like mine are out there :)


18 posted on 07/31/2005 3:27:23 PM PDT by Bahbah
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To: SpringheelJack

:sigh: Are you another one of those 'I gotta drive the car first to see if I like it?' types?


19 posted on 07/31/2005 3:28:20 PM PDT by cyborg (to love,honor and obey...)
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To: mlmr
Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?

Pretty much, and it may well be illegal to have traditional morals as a screening criteria. It's a shame, too.

I found that selectively advertising is a good strategy. I've managed to find and keep a lovely tenant in a rental property - she's retired, a Christian, writes fiction, etc - by advertising on church bulletin boards and such.

20 posted on 07/31/2005 3:28:25 PM PDT by Lil'freeper
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To: Indy Pendance

I own apartment buildings and follow the city codes to a T. The people who live in these buildings lead their lives and pay their rent and are good tenants. My attached apartment needs a married couple or a contintint single because I have a pack of kids as well as my own values to consider.


21 posted on 07/31/2005 3:28:34 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: Jeff Head

So why aren't you renting my apartment?

LOL!


22 posted on 07/31/2005 3:29:09 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: mlmr

My husband and I lived in apartments for the first 4 years of our marriage.


23 posted on 07/31/2005 3:29:19 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Standing athwart history, shouting, "Turn those lights off! You think electricity grows on trees?")
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To: SpringheelJack
That said, I'd never marry somebody without living with them first,

Well - it is the fully forcinating society, after all.

Sorry. But you sir are a cad and a part of the problem. We need to raise children (boys and girls) who plan to be virgins when they marry.

24 posted on 07/31/2005 3:30:24 PM PDT by don-o (Don't be a Freeploader. Do the right thing and become a Monthly Donor!)
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To: mlmr

Totally acceptable? As with most things in life the acceptability of a situation depends on circumstances. Yes, I have lived with women without marriage – sometimes with a sexual relationship and sometimes without. I found the advantages and disadvantages were about equal.
They see no advantage. There’s no real tax break, if both have a decent job the benefits remain the same. Religion seldom seems to enter the equation. Many young people today are completely scared of marriage. They seem to think breaking up is easier if they aren’t legally married.
Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.


25 posted on 07/31/2005 3:30:37 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: cyborg

I'm still living at home. I find your quandry a sad commentary on the social situation today.

Cyborg, you are getting married soon! I wish you could move in!


26 posted on 07/31/2005 3:30:44 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: durasell

Actually, stats say you have a better chance at a successful marriage if you do not live together first. But no one cares about successful marriages or moral behavior. It's all about ME!!! Sadly, there is a lot of social pressure to live together first. It used to be the other way around.


27 posted on 07/31/2005 3:30:45 PM PDT by The Ghost of FReepers Past (Legislatures are so outdated. If you want real political victory, take your issue to court.)
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To: dufekin
Fornication and sodomy are serious matters and forbidden, even felonious, in many states. These are sexual criminals, perhaps subject to registration requirements if caught, convicted, and so sentenced in an appropriate jurisdiction.

IIRC, the Supreme Court overturned all of these laws last year. And sexual offender registration has only ever applied to violent crimes.

28 posted on 07/31/2005 3:30:47 PM PDT by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: mlmr

Some suggested your church. Take it one step further, go to several churches in your area.


29 posted on 07/31/2005 3:31:08 PM PDT by Indy Pendance
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To: Bahbah

One of my 25 year old twins and I just had a talk about this yesterday. She is dating a young man I like very much. I said that, to move in together before marriage is a very bad idea. She agrees. Girls like mine are out there :)

These are the values that our family has, and I don't want the children to see me aprove of anything different.


30 posted on 07/31/2005 3:31:53 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: mlmr

They are obviously more sophisticated and have ALL the answers.


31 posted on 07/31/2005 3:31:58 PM PDT by JustAnotherOkie
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To: mlmr

Yes I am :-) I suppose some couples could live together without all the premarital sex but I'd avoid even the appearance of evil.


32 posted on 07/31/2005 3:32:35 PM PDT by cyborg (to love,honor and obey...)
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To: cyborg
sigh: Are you another one of those 'I gotta drive the car first to see if I like it?' types?

Yep. You mean you'd buy a car without driving it first?

33 posted on 07/31/2005 3:32:37 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: Normal4me
I'm looking for a 25 year old nymphomaniac with an obsessive cleaning compulsion disorder. ;-)

And – owns a pizza parlor and liquor store.
34 posted on 07/31/2005 3:32:43 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: mlmr
What you are seeing is a reflection of what feminism and our legal system has made of marriage and women in America. I am a divorced man in my early thirties. There is no way I would ever marry another American woman. All of my buddies feel the same way. There is no creature with a larger sense of entitlement and a smaller sense of duty and honor toward others as the tattooed, foul mouthed, swaggering modern American Woman. Why would any sane man risk financial ruin in divorce court and marry one these days when you can find plenty of them out on the prowl every night?
35 posted on 07/31/2005 3:32:48 PM PDT by DragonflyX
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To: mlmr

I would never live with a woman before marrying her.


36 posted on 07/31/2005 3:33:27 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: R. Scott

Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.



This sounds like the wisdom of the voice of experience.


37 posted on 07/31/2005 3:33:39 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: SpringheelJack

That's sad. I'm not that type. I would NEVER live with a man. You men have it too easy with the modern liberated womyn.


38 posted on 07/31/2005 3:34:31 PM PDT by cyborg (to love,honor and obey...)
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To: mlmr

I also do not have a satisfactory answer, no solid understanding as to why the shackup is seemingly so widely acceptable. And I would like to see something cogent on this topic, as well. As a guess, I wonder if lack of commitment to many additional areas of "responsibility" is part of the culture: little or no responsibility taken for financial discipline, little or no responsibility for child care, little or no responsibility for maintaining a neat personal environment (housekeeping, hygiene, vehicle, etc)... I think I see what used to be called slovely attitudes. We use to judge people and that kept peer pressure on us. Somehow ambivalence has crept into personal choice. Are a majority of our children suffering from a chronic low self-image? Did the crusade for non-judgmentalism rob a generation of self-respect? What are other thoughts here?


39 posted on 07/31/2005 3:34:32 PM PDT by Quint on dry land (Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.)
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To: Cindy

We rent out our studio apt. to Church staff.


40 posted on 07/31/2005 3:35:23 PM PDT by afnamvet (Jet noise...The Sound of Freedom™)
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To: mlmr

Get both names on lease...better then having one skip out....


41 posted on 07/31/2005 3:35:31 PM PDT by dakine
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To: The Ghost of FReepers Past

I haven't seen those stats. But as far as marriage is concerned, I do see the nuclear family becoming obsolete and transforming into extended families, which should provide more stability.


42 posted on 07/31/2005 3:35:58 PM PDT by durasell (Friends are so alarming, My lover's never charming...)
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To: The Ghost of FReepers Past

Sadly, there is a lot of social pressure to live together first. It used to be the other way around.


What amazes me is that it never occurs to them that living together might cause a raised eyebrow.


43 posted on 07/31/2005 3:36:01 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: mlmr

Yep. At 59, I have experience.


44 posted on 07/31/2005 3:36:28 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: All

Sheesh, a judgemental topic if I ever saw one. (And trust me people, God isn't judging through your mouth, YOU are!)

I underwent a 3-month trial period living with my then-fiancee in an apartment, because we both wanted to make sure we were doing the right thing by getting married, and that we would coexist well under the same roof. The experiment was a success, and we took that final step. It had nothing to do with just having a place to screw all the time, it was about being responsible and making sure we were both ready for the final committment, or if we should just stay dating for a while.

I guess that makes us mortal sinners. *shrug* Whatever..


45 posted on 07/31/2005 3:36:42 PM PDT by DefiantZERO
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To: Indy Pendance

I called a church but I think I will email and deliver a posting.


46 posted on 07/31/2005 3:37:16 PM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: don-o
Sorry. But you sir are a cad and a part of the problem. We need to raise children (boys and girls) who plan to be virgins when they marry.

I don't sleep around. But living together is a lot different from the courtship before, and as the divorce rate shows, a lot of people who seem compatible in one setting find they aren't in the other. It's better to find this out before you're in a situation which requires the lawyers to stick their hands in everything. When I marry I intend it to be permanent.

47 posted on 07/31/2005 3:37:24 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: SpringheelJack
You mean you'd buy a car without driving it first?

I pity the woman who considers you for a husband. You are a pig. (and I hereby apoligize to the pigs.)

48 posted on 07/31/2005 3:38:19 PM PDT by don-o (Don't be a Freeploader. Do the right thing and become a Monthly Donor!)
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To: mlmr
I don't want the children to see me aprove of anything different.

I wouldn't do it either. The other twin has been dating a great young man for 4 years while they finished school (she just took her bar exam). They have their own places and, while I am indulgent with my girls, they know I am not indulgent about this. Hang tough.

49 posted on 07/31/2005 3:38:35 PM PDT by Bahbah
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To: DragonflyX

Sorry you're so bitter. There are a lot of good christian conservative women out there. Maybe after you're healed, you'll find someone. I married a sleazy man, he left me for his true love. He's on marriage number 4 now. I felt the same way about men once.


50 posted on 07/31/2005 3:38:51 PM PDT by Indy Pendance
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