Posted on 10/23/2005 11:52:21 AM PDT by Paleo Conservative
Who you gonna call in these dire football times?
May I suggest Mr. Jerry Jones of Irving, Texas?
But actually, I'm late with that idea.
Jim Souhan, a columnist for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, demanded in print last week that Mr. Jones be used as a spiritual guidance counselor for Minnesota's out-of-control bow-wows.
Funny, huh, how times do change.
Recapping the latest story that has the NFL laughing.
It must have seemed like a good idea at the time.
NFL team has an open week on the schedule, so, hey, why don't we do the manly bonding thing:
Rent out a couple of party boats for some lake cruising.
Lots of booze, bring your own drugs, and does anybody know any good hookers?
And so two weeks ago, off they sailed, at least 17 of them since identified as members of the Minnesota Vikings.
Also aboard were about 30 females, most of whom have been IDed as fly-in road lizards from an Atlanta escort service.
Right away, we have an insult to the street-working women of the Twin Cities. The local girls weren't good enough?
The unsuspecting boat crew quickly became upset, and a 3-hour cruise was cut to an hour. The captain returned to port, and ordered everyone off his two ships.
Graphic details soon hit print of lewd behavior and such.
The police got involved, then the FBI. Something about the Mann Act, which is a federal law that makes it illegal to transport two-legged darlings across state lines for the purpose of prostitution.
Mann Act? These are football players, not lawyers. How were they supposed to know?
So we've now got a big stink up north. There is much outrage about the football team being an embarrassment to two cities, and one entire state.
Even worse than the Mann Act, the Vikings were also charged with a Dog Act violation on Sunday, the next game after this story broke publicly. They played like poodles in losing 28-3 to the Bears.
But the hookers' cruise was also only the latest in a long line of boys-gone-bad activity from Vikings players.
The Bears' game was also the latest in a crash-and-burn season for this team. Picked as a prime Super Bowl contender by some, the record is 1-4. And that's an ugly, disorganized, nobody-seems-to-care, 1-4.
Where is Randy Moss when you need somebody to blame?
The Vikings' off-the-field activity, of course, is a rather familiar one in local precincts.
It's the Cowboys of 10 years ago, except the only football difference is the Cowboys of that era had Super Bowl rings, and aging but still elite talent.
The Vikings are a flawed team. Kinky, yes. But flawed.
But Jones is the man with the blueprint on how to clean it up. It wasn't like he came up with his master plan in one or two years. It took him awhile to even move past denial.
And then Jerry, in the late 1990s, uttered, "I get it. I really get it." That meant the message he was receiving from fans and sponsors was to clean up Valley Ranch, or else there would be hip- pocket ramifications.
And he has.
No one at Valley Ranch this week , starting with Jones, will even come close to verbally touching this Vikings mess. As I was told by one staffer, "When we were going through the same thing, we didn't like reading some so-called expert in another league city telling us what we needed to do. And we aren't doing it to the Vikings."
But as a league official said Wednesday, "No owner has put the time, the manpower, and the money into this one area like Jerry Jones has. Because of that, the Cowboys have gone from one extreme to the other."
Plus, the Cowboys are the same as most NFL teams. They don't pop off, because they don't know when the next phone call from the cops will come.
Individual screw-ups will happen. That's a given. But with the Cowboys of the past decade, and the Vikings of today, it's an extremely flawed organization when it becomes a collective, continuing process.
An institutional lack of control is the obvious culprit.
With Bill Parcells as the coach, who even thinks about this kind of stuff happening again at Valley Ranch? The same theory applied when Jimmy Johnson was in charge.
Parcells has had his individual headaches in the past. Mr. Lawrence Taylor in New York comes to mind.
Jimmy, his critics will say, was always one fresh horse ahead of the posse when it came to a team going bonkers. He left here right before the "White House" was uncovered and there were police busts galore. The same goes at the University of Miami.
But The Jimster, on his watch, kept the lid slammed shut at Valley Ranch and at Miami. So has Parcells since he arrived in town.
"Probably because of a few things with the Giants, Parcells is more diligent than he's ever been," said the league official. "He is on top of this stuff. He tolerates nothing."
But at Valley Ranch, the changed started at the top -- with Jones. He pays for the best in the business to work with players on behavioral issues. Individual failures have happened: Dwayne Goodrich. Quincy Carter. But it's strictly been individual failures.
In Minnesota, there's a new owner. His original investment is pushing $800 million. And he's also campaigning the state pols for a new stadium, which appeared to be close to happening. Until now. Nothing scares politicians like bad publicity.
The Vikings have become a Minnesota and NFL joke. Everybody is laughing.
The new owner needs help, pronto.
Who you gonna call?
He might start with the guy who has been there.
Exciting finish for Vikes' fans, especially with all those cheeseheads in the stands. ;-D
I enjoyed the 9ers game too.. ;-)
They beat the Pack but're going nowhere. Whadya expect from a team that would cut the Great Long Snapper, Number 68, Mike Morris ?
Old Dallas Cowboy joke:
Four Cowboys going down the road in a car;
Which one of them is driving?
None of them are driving, a cop is driving!
Substitute Viking for Cowboy...
...which begs an even older "freeway joke";
"Cover me, I'm changing lanes!"
On MTV you can change the channel if you don't wish to see it.
At a party at a house outside of DC you can leave the party if you don't wish to see it. Though I'll guess that those attending that party, and those throwing that party were all willing participants.
That's not the case here. The people working those cruises were told there was to be a cruise for the players, their wives and girlfriends. Hardly what happened...
Put your 20 year old daughter on a boat in the middle of a lake with 30-40 very large men and 10 naked women all engaging in playing with large K-Y jelly covered sex toys, oral sex, lap dances...
Where do the people that don't wish to see it go? Over the side of the boat? Can they change the channel?
Maybe if one of those large men grabbed your 20 year old daughter by the arm and turned off the lights and wouldn't let go while growling in her ear and asking if she was going to dance next you'd still think this was all blown out of proportion?
Maybe if four or five of those large men blocked your 23 year old daughter behind the bar and laid a stripper on that bar and proceeded to perform oral sex on her with your daughter 3 feet away and unable to get out from behind the bar while they laughed at her discomfort you'd think this was all blown out of proportion?
No?
I didn't think so.
Then, what to my wondering eyes did appear...but a Viking score WIN, not a loss--like I feared.
Thanks for the smile this afternoon, my dear Vikings....I miss the 'ol players (NO, NOT Randy Moss...Cris Carter and further back).
P.S. Congrats to the Jacksonville Jaquars for being so good --- THAT's because they have the BEST MIDDLE LINE BACKER IN ALL OF THE NFL as their coach - former Vike #55!!!
Sorry, meant to post to ALL.
Good points.
Thank you.
And I started Culpepper on my fantasy team today :)
Man, what a wild Sunday of football and college football. Then the World Series walk off HR. Wild games.
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