Smack him again Helga!
Posted on 05/26/2006 9:36:18 AM PDT by neverdem
Many abuse males: survey
Women are as violent as their male companions - and sometimes more so, according to a controversial study presented yesterday at a domestic violence conference in Manhattan. The survey of 13,600 college students came to the surprising conclusion that in the majority of abusive relationships, women are the perpetrators at least as often as they are the victims of violence.
About one-third of students in 32 countries said they assaulted their partner in a survey conducted by the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire.
In 69% of cases, both men and women were violent. But women were the sole perpetrators in 21% of cases, compared with about 10% of relationships in which men were the only batterers.
Author Murray Straus, who presented the study at the Trends in Intimate Violence Intervention conference at NYU, said there was "overwhelming evidence that women assault their partners at about the same rate as men."
"The idea of chivalry is alive. Men genuinely believe 'never hit a woman' - up to a certain point. So when she gets angry at him and slaps him, kicks him, throws something, most men don't retaliate. But if she keeps on doing that, then it moves into the both doing it," Straus said.
"So many women have told me, 'I knew I wouldn't hurt him.' It's for some women a quintessentially feminine thing to do, to slap the cad," he said.
Stony Brook University Prof. Ruth Brandwein criticized Straus' findings.
"If you have two people in a relationship and the guy is 6-foot-2 and weighs 230 pounds and the woman is 5-foot-4 and weighs 130 pounds, just because they're both hitting each other doesn't mean it's equally violent. Her hitting him may be seen as a joke to him and his hitting her may terrorize her," Brandwein said.
Rates of intimate partner violence are higher among college-age students than in older couples, Straus said. Another survey of 1,200 university students found that 41% of women and 31% of men have been hit by their partner, said Katie Gentile, director of the women's center at John Jay College of Criminal Justice.
But Gentile said men usually become violent as a way of controlling women, while women who are violent often become so to prevent the man from attacking first.
"I don't think [women] are getting more violent," she said. "I think women are admitting it more, probably. They might be fighting back more."
Good job Mazda!
I know domestic violence exists. Thank God I've never been involved in that kind of thing.
Probably so, but then she would have had to admit she'd done it for a long time despite my requests to stop. Others had seen her doing it.
I can say that I have had to restrain people before, and I've never hurt one.
And the Duke lacross case shows how much hell a prosecutor can unleash upon someone when they so desire and have any kind of legal opening to do such.
I didn't say people - I said girlfriend or spouse. That's far different from pulling a guy back from a fight.
And the way a lot of companies are nowadays, they'd just fire you both.
You are exactly right. One of my best friends got into an arguement with his hell-cat of a wife. She punched him, pushed him through a window, cutting his arm wide open. He didn't lay a finger on her. Guess who got arrested? Guess who was taken to jail? Guess who has to go to court-ordered Anger Management classes? (at $60 bucks a class). His wife? Not hardly.
"So when she gets angry at him and slaps him, kicks him, throws something, most men don't retaliate. "
Wrong! I worked as a bouncer in a nightclub after I got out of the Navy and I learned really quickly how vicious women can be. I've been attacked more than once by weapon wielding, foaming at the mouth women that just couldn't believe someone would tell them "NO!". Then they couldn't believe someone knocked them on their butt and the cops were hauling them to the squad car.
I'm not saying that you can do it effectively and remain free of legal trouble. That's why it's a last ditch option.
Worst case example to prove a point - a mentally unstable person goes wild - there are women and children present. That unstable person can be restrained without serious damage, but that doesn't mean they may not have some scratches or bruising. Again, if you aren't competent in that area, you probably wouldn't have that as an option.
Well, you never know. That's possible.
Agreed. Thanks for the comments.
I was a wrestler so I have had experience in fighting/restraining without causing any harm.
I just don't get that at all. I've read articles before that state that he must have done something to cause the violence from her, it just maddening.
And, once again, that is not a domestic violence situation. The laws are far different if a couple is involved in violence. And usually someone is gonna go to jail if the cops show up. And that often is the man, even if he was just "restraining" her.
I really wish you would drop the restraining advice. That is just gonna get some guy cooling his heels in jail. The best thing is to get the hell out if things start getting violent. And then come back later to deal with the problem. And don't put off dealing with it.
Onc again, have you ever had to restrain a spouse or girlfriend? It is one thing to restrain someone who isn't attacking you, such as breaking up a fight. I've done that many times - I'm 6-7 and can get my arms around just about anyone.
It is another when a raging woman is coming at you. And the cops will be showing up with laws saying that someone needs to go to jail - and whoops, she has the bruises on her arms because she fought you restraining her.
Again, it wasn't offered up as general advice - in fact I have said if you are not capable, ham-handed, or not of clear headedness - it wouldn't be a good option.
Look, I'm not saying how to keep your nose clean legally, never did. Everyone has options and the situation and your judgement will dictate which ones you choose.
This is the downside whenever one side of a relationship feels a certain invincibility or immunity from retaliation, and the chivalry that tells a man to never hit back can only be pushed so far. Women should never feel they have the relative freedom to push all a man's hot buttons without fear of pushback. It's dangerous to mess with anyone's limits that way, particularly when ruthlessly tugging on their heartstrings.
I hate to say this, because real abuse of women does exist, and I know some of the typical victims, small, mousy women who can be fully bullied and controlled by a stronger man... but speaking from a social services background, there is a HUGE proportion of women who claim to be victims of domestic abuse who, if I had to live with them, I'd want to deck them myself. And a good friend of mine is one of those. She can, and has, pushed people to their absolute limit on what they can take from her.
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